The inheritance of loss.

THE INHERITANCE OF LOSS

This too,shall pass.

Yet again, I find the inheritance of loss. A loss that I had never inherited. I had lost everything.had nothing to lose. But then I found in the boulevard of broken dreams . . . .

The inheritance of loss.

I was never a girl of loss. I was always known as the girl of Victory.

A girl who always thought that by breaking some knees by playing football with guys will make her daddy proud. A girl who did not mind beating the lights out of someone if her brother got mocked by others for having a different nature.A girl who always wanted to be strong for her family, her friends and herself.

Never mind that sometimes my knees used to shake themselves. But I still knew that I would be able to stand stable and tall. Never mind that I used to get up at midnight and cry at times, but I always knew that I’d go back to sleep again and see a brighter day the next day. Because I always remembered what my mother said; “this too, shall pass. . .”

My mother passed away when I was 12. I was very close to her. She used to tell me all about life. The different faces, how to handle them. The various places she’s travelled around the world..The men she met, the friends she came across.Every morning she used to give me some piece of advice that would help me in life; somewhere, somehow. Her death was more like a death sentence, a silent torture to me. I did not cry in her funeral. When a drop of tear would come out of my eye, I would just wipe it off. Though the person affected the most in the family, was I. Because she was the only way of comfort to me. The only person to whom I could cry after acting strong the whole day.

I miss her. But now I have learnt how to live without her. I’ve also learnt how to cry now. And gather myself up after that. I know life now.

Jimmy; John Brown; my ex boy friend was a big support then. We met in Los Angeles when I went there for a student exchange program. I was pretty depressed. He was a student in the school I had gone for the exchange program. I stayed with his family, and gradually fell in love with him. Not the usual mush puppy love.Much of a sincere and faithful love.

We are really good friend now. He regularly writes to me about his life there and his girlfriend;Victoria he’s been steady with for 2 years now.He’s still my best friend, my first sweetheart, my first love. He’s still the best source of inspiration to me.

All my 3 brothers, and my younger sister are married, and have a lovely family to themselves. My father is doing okay, he enjoys being retired and at home; Doing something he always wanted to- Sing. Our family meets in family dinners.. Which always end up teary because dad misses mum a lot. I usually get up and hug him…I can smile when we talk of mum now. I’ve realized it’s okay.

With so many years passed..It’s been about 24.. If not anything, I’ve learnt just something very simple. I’m a woman, I’m 35,unmarried, a traveler, and pretty much the man of the family. I have learnt to be proud to inherit loss –Inherit loss from time, and have learnt that at the end of the day, every human inherits loss from life, in some way or the other. For some, it can be a sister dying, to some it might be losing a job, to some it might be an unsuccessful marriage. But somehow,someway,we all inherit loss. And to what we do with that is what we figure-what I did with mine was not suicide/ abandoning family/running away/denial; but I took it as an obvious something, and moved on. And that loss too, passed. Yes, it passed with time.

Move on, you guys. Let’s move on.

[P.S--the title "The Inheritance of loss" was a book by Kiran Desai which I never ended up reading..however I loved the name. Hence,used it :) just to let you guys know! ]

A pathetically usual Christmas eve =)

Believe me,this is an absolutely good for nothing post. So here goes :) ---

So maybe after a good 4 months,I got a lonely evening to myself where I did nothing but nothing :D

Starting from a lazy, long lunch with dad...

and then Yes,I watched Juno, did an excellent job at becoming totally emo about teenagers and going preggers.

Sigh

Then what? I was mourning mentally on the emotions of being a mother,due to which I actually put myself into some use in the house, trying to help my mother-- However resulting to be kicked out and sent to m room to go to hell.

"Who are you trying to kid?"

And then I threw the duster and went back to my ole buddy Laptop! xD

Yes,

Then about an hour and a half on the internet, searching the most pathetic videos on Youtube [ Pigs Flying ] and annoying people on Facebook.

Then, Ms.Mrinalini Abot decides to call me and then accusing me of the bill she gets. I give her a whole lecture explaining what an ass of a retard she is calling me from her school practices and that staying over friend's for 14 whole days just proves the fact that she needs help.

I pity over her mother,and promise to send her sweets via international links someday when I'm rich. Mrill attacks me of being "A rotten cherry" - which thunders my laughter for bang 15 minutes.

Finally I say "Fuck off sweetness,go study some Geography" and hang up, and the woman calls back accusing me of the bad weather which apparently got her hair soggy. .

*Laughs to herself*

And then people call Me Random and stupid.

So,that conversation really lit up my day, and I'm glad she called.

I love you my hotstuff :P Mwahahah! I'm so proud that you can be weirder than me :D

However,don't think you're in the league just cause of a petty convo of weird and abstractness. I'm unbeatable,and you're filthy incompetent in the field of Weirdness =D

^Kidding love! .... Not. x)

After all these personified alarms of Mental Help, my parents decide to go for the Family Christmas Eve outing to CP. Which suited me just fine,untilll I stepped outside.

My eyebrows froze, and I remembered the fight I had with mum about a sweatshirt being pathetically insufficient for a day like today and that I was a Problem Child.

:|

O,Shit.

My thought process was interrupted by the irritating nudging of my good for nothing brother who handed me my sweater.[The Dorkiest one,but the Good-for-nothing statement above boo's at me now]--Not good >:

So anyway, we went to CP,did the usual rituals we do every year- Drove around the inner and outer circles,burgers at Mc.Donalds, my inevitable shopping and my parents natural nagging :)

So yeah,it was just like the other years.

So,all in all,i had a nice evening :) Although CP was not crowded this time,which sorta ruins the charm, but whatever,i had a nice time :)

What about you guys?

What didja lot do Christmad eve?

Clear skies and Santas to y'all! ;)

Jingle Bells,

-Nil.

[P.S-- Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of ye fellows out there!!]

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Santa laugh,however lame :|

;)

Words.

This post is dedicated to all those posts of you all which have made me think and realize more and more with every day passing and every blog update that a feeling can be reborn by words and a feeling can be burnt by words.. I have always passioned writing. Today,when I look back in time,I don't think I would have ever had the confidence to pen down my thoughts and scribble them in untidy handwriting and still having the courage to show it to my freinds/teachers and feeling confident about my ideas and innovations.

Poetry was always a bigger corner of my heart.. However,with time,I realized that wiritng stories have their own charm.. To morph myself in the alphabets of those lines and verses is a satisfaction in disguise to somehow know,I'm writing reality.



I'm in an extremely emotional mood right now,and hence maybe I feel so strongly about a casual post my friend Remya wrote. I have always considered her feelings deep and respected her thoughts on paper, but that post- however so causual and honest-lift me off my feet. I couldn't believe how the words captured my mind,and how it took me back the time line and reminded me of every minute expression during that particular conversation. The humor,the sarcasm,the wittiness,the melancholy-everything.I was in awe. People say "awe" is used for beauty, but indeed the beautiful way how she captured that episode of history left me in awe.
Kudos to you,friend.I'm so proud of you. You make me procrastinate on topics which require justice and hours,just the right amount. As a retard friend- Haha, but indeed you make me proud.

I would also like to thank my English Teacher; Mrs.Suman Anand without who I would have never smiled at my horizon and realized the extent and flite of my capacity. I would have never realized the my thoughts could be a ship which could carry so many voices,which could comfort so many hearts,to let them know,they're not alone.

This post is to all your guys, You guys do a wonderfull job on Blogger. With every day passing and every blog update,our spectrum of perceptions and opinions bridens.. Here's to each one of you who've made the tiniest or the biggest of difference in my life by their words.

Today's evening is your's,
Cheers to you.

Take care,
Nilanjana.

A very sad truth.

It's competence everywhere I look. Everything is being challenged and contradicted. The 21st Century's title as "The age of Technicolor" is being taunted on, and used as a defence,and reply-back to Ego.

Quite a few instances have provoked this post, one of them being Blogger itself. Another being School. The craziest one being home,and the saddest one- being a temple. Yes. Take it or not,yes.

I wouldn't name anyone, that would be very harsh of me. But even at the slightest of a statement, crude replies and ego wars are becoming eye candies to people watching. Anything contradicted,insulted upon gets a common synonym phrase "It's what 21st Century states" to the phrase "I am right. You're just a wannabe."

You know what's the saddest part of it all? I've ended up seeing bizarre faces of a lot of "I used to think" sensible people in this rat race. There aren't phrases like "I am sorry to disagree" or "But I would like to add" -- Na, none. All it contains of is "Shut up! I'm speaking."

I was checking out this blog.. Some American girl. It amazed me at how disparate are people to be heard and to contradict something perfectly correct and harmless just to paint a face of smartness on their canvas.

"Mayans are right"

"Global warming is a result of sun screen, I've researched!"

"Education is making teenagers watch Porn so they know what're physical aspects of a human life!"

-- To all these "Valued Comments" -- Any contradictions asked, the concluded answer is "The 21st century demands you to break stupid logics that are last season and use your smart mind to figure out the truth!.. So shut the fuck up dumb ass"

What these Dumb asses don't get is, 21st century is not all about being hip and make stupid logics just to boast your neurons to the world, it's about understanding History, respecting it with research and concluding it with better logics [if any] in the future.

I agree there are some crazy stuff that the History considers right, and speaking today, I would have rolled my eyes bad ar whoever said such disgraceful and dumbbb things which were actually considered Gnorms of the society at some point of past! But the whole point of this tech smart century is to prove it wrong OR give it the right amount of respect it deserves {if Any} in a lady-like and gentleman like way! There's no point screaming,shouting, writing stupid things with complex vocab Just to make it sound powerfull, you know.

If any of you disagree with me, with all due respect, I acknowledge and salute your opinion. But I would surely request you to think again, Isn't the 21st Century being used as a code word to boo people, lately?

I await your responses.

Cheers to all of you faithful readers! (:

~Democratic Screams~

Nil. (;

After a wretched week.

• After a really wretched week, I had a good day today (:

My week consisted of nothing but ;

• Textbooks


• Notebooks


• Tension


• Anxiety


• Feeling of incompetence


• And every other horrible feeling possible

Today,though, I had a pretty okayish -more to the better side- of a day. Didn't go to school,did my part of textbooks for a day,and spent time with people that made my day better. ((: I'm working on a project for now, with mum ranting on about my dinner lying cold on the table. Dad giving me looks that explain his sadness for the lack of response from kids today. Brother, out. Well,so pretty much a normal day,yea.

Had my moments too, have them everyday : Don't know how I manage them,but well, I do. about 100 days to Boards.

Heh.

I'm laughing. I have no clue why. That's been happening lately, whenever I hear the B word. xD

Anyway, I have to go.

I have plans of texting Remya and terrorozing her to ditch school tomorrow :)

You guys,have fun. And yeah, never bother to be in a Board [LAUGHS] year. It's better you'd turn into a hippy and discover the world with flat sandals and spegatties *_*

Sigh. Fun

Gnite,people.

[P.S- a random picture.]

Water Conservation Rally =)

Me :P Remya and Kartu:)

All of us ladies.. Remya and I holding upto the true spirits with the famous yelllow poster :P

Charu and vanya going crazy capturing pictures...

Hey you people, have put up the pictures of the "Save Water" Rally. : )
[You can stop reading each word intensly Rohaan].
Well, the experience was all together a memory I'd never forget. Really! Though we guys were pretty dissapointed at the kind of response our very preached and responsible political leader Sheela Dixit gave us.. With a population of 5000-6000 kids and teachers satnding since 8:30am just to honour the start of our rally by her presense. She was an hour and a half late. Yes, that's the example that was set up by our esteemed politicians. It's just plain sad.
Remya, was about to fizz out the lava from her head any moment on anybody who came remotely 5oo yards near her xD
But then, things got pretty okay, we guys were all together with a huge group.. We cheered and cheered! Also gave interviews at local News Channels. and once the rally started, there was no end to our vocal chords :D
"SAVE WATER SAVE LIFE!"
"JAL HAI TO KAL HAI!"
"WE ROCK WATER ROCKS" { By Remya} xP
"TATTI KHALO SAB KE SAB!" [By me] =D
"YAAR SAVE WATER>> DON'T PEE" {By Megha} =P

^^^^ Our most famous slogans xD .. Yep. And our darling teachers were going crazy maniacaly trying to put forward our school into the limelight :P [Sangeeta Batra]
And, the our continous ranting, with Remya and I bullying kids to hold banners up and Charu trying to be calm and all our other girlfriends going all high on Women Spirit \m/
IT WAS AWESOME.

The rally ended at a really good note, a day I'd never forget. Now I'm not gonna write anything more about it, cause I need to fit in pictures :P
More pictures to come later.
Take care you guys!

Hope you fellows enjoyed the snaps :D

Cheers!

Nil. : )

Photographs

Absolutely random & very short post-- On photographs.

I shut the laptop off, deciding it was time to sleep, but then I remembered this picture I edited today, which was clicked by my friend Remya. And then this whole thing of how important photographs are in few of our lives. Yes, I know, I am a hop thinker :P

But no, on a serious note.. Come to think of it, don't photographs hold really important places in our lives? Don't they act like memoirs which you want to hold on to? In my case, they surely do..

I mean, the amount of photographs I have of everybody important to me... And if they ever got lost.. I'd... live! .. But, nevertheless, I'd regret it like hell.

I might not click pictures alot, but they do have a significant amount of space in my room [ :P ], and my heart.

There are these photographs of my Mukhe Bhaat [It's this Bengali tradition where a baby is fed rice for the first time ever by her parents] and, my first birthday, my brothers in sarees :P, andd.. my 13Teenth birthday, random snaps from here and there.. Ccd,Parks,Jantar Mantar [!!] and vacation pictures.. No matter how silly they may be, but indeed, they're great memories that I'd never want to part with, which remind me of good times..

So, let me know what you guys feel about pictures: )

Spillll !

P.S-- The photograph that I've put up is random and pointless, for the fun of it ;) Remya clicked & edited.. I edited a lil further ;)

Back for a quick post!

Hello my faithful readers,
back on blog after quite a vacation of studies :/ You guys must be wondering whatever became of my last post, but I deleted them cause they where SO morbid : They just screamed sadness everytime I looked at them :P

So anyway, coming back to What's up? :D
Nothing. :
Quite a bit of textbooks and novels.. with the usual loafing around.. occasional mood swings.. and ofcourse! Brilliantly hilarious books like "2 States"! [<--- A must read. By Chetan Bhagat] Today was an abnormal day which made it normal. Ditched school, the best part. Annddd.. just usual wasting time. Disclaimer-- I'm sorry guys, it's a really pointless post today cause there isn't really anything up to be Omg about : So bear with me, or just go to Facebook and utilize your time xD So yeah, coming back to my day. Nothing very fruitfull. [hah! humor me :P ] Ditching school tomorrow,too. It's just my lucky week xP I've been doing alot of writing lately, came uo with 3 short stories. And this poem called "Avatar". I'll put it up,soon. Onto serious considerations of getting a book launched by Aamir Khan. [Joke intended to only a dear friend Milda :PP-- who is dilema struck cause of all the celeb best friends she has :P ] -- I love you, you can add me in your will if you get married to any of them =D ^^ You can add me other wise, too : P Heehee. AAAAAAAMMMIIRR KKHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN *_* Okay, sorry, going over-board and loud xD But... AAAAMMIIRRR KKHHAAAAAANNN!!!!! :))

Okay, okay.
Done. :P

Well, I should get back to the other un productive things I'm upto :D
Bye y'fellows!

Be back soon ;)


[P.S-- Aamir Khan :P ]

It's all jammed right there, in the brain.

It's one of those nights when you are fidgety beyond human nature.. Because you want to do so much about so many things and people but all you can do is sit and think about it. You have ample of time to think about it, the innovations, the ideas, the opinions that scream in your mind, and that very ample amount of time makes you feel frustrated within each and every part,organ,tissue,vain of your body. It makes you want to scream and shout. Shout and let people know that the nature of things and people are not every time what the text books say. They're not what something that can only be defined by "intellectual brains of the highest capacity". And then Period. Nothing before it, nothing beyond it. Said, and has to be done.

Guys, there's an entourage of ideas and opinions inside my very brain right now. Things I want to make, create and voice. But you know what? I speak of them to 7 people, and 3 will ridicule them openly [which I'm fine with], 2 people will bitch about it behind my back [ which is just fucking annoying] and 2 last ones will appreciate it. I wish I'm wrong, I hope I am.

I have about 4 different things I want to do and work on this very moment, and heck trust me, if I'm allowed I christ WILL. But, I told you right? Everything is set already-- night is when people sleep, day is when people work. And what happens to people who want to work at time that pleases them? -- Oh they're just stupid.

Says the world.

Excuse me if I'm being too critical/synical. If you don't, I don't really care :) Your opinion will still be valued.

I agree there has to be an amount of discipline in a person's life. But what I don't understand is, WHY do people consider things to be right just because they're predefined? I mean, technology/youth/brains/chess games --- nothing is predefined! Then WHY do people get upset when things take a new way of execution? Why? Is it wrong to embrace change? Is it wrong to think different? Is it criminal to fucking shout on the road about how screwed up certain things are? Maybe to many it ain't [Thank you], and to many it is [Screw you].

Either the opinion-- critical/biased/tormented/rational/political/social --- Please voice it.

And. And. And.

Work at night and sleep at day if you want : ) And the middle finger can always help if people try to act impolite and disturb the "predefined code of conduct and language" which is mandatory to be followed.

^^ Laughing my ass off at that one.

Critical me,

Nil.

Durga Pooja

Shubho Bijoya to all of you :)

To people who don't get it, it's something we say in Bengali after the poojas are over. And then the kids touch the elders feet, and hug their friends/family [thrice in the men's case].

Anyway, so yea,

Pooja's over. Bhaashan done. And I still am in a trance. And by trance, i mean one.

I was waiting for these 4 days for a whole year, but well, this year things didn't really go as planned. Not as perfect as last year, and the year before last. Everything made me shrug and say "Oh whatever man, screw it" this year.. It wasn't the same.

Yes. Maybe the primary reason was that I had my terms starting from the 29th-- the next day the poojas got over.. But honestly, i don't think so.

Nothing was planned this year, y'know? I mean, nothing was, last year too! But, in a way, everything fell in place. But this year, everything was so screwed up! I couldn't meet half my friends cause my family time had increased from a 50% to a 75% . Not that I didn't have fun, course I did =]

But well, it was just different. The only thing that really kept me going was the kashmiri gate day :) I would have died had that not happened, really!

So anyway, B-Block pandal SUCKED. K-block was good.. just that a little bit of it resembled intestines of the stomach xP okay, it's just a matter of perspective! haha :P

Shiv Mandir's pandal was nice enough.. Charmwood sucked, and Matri mandir! Omg! THEEE BEST> !

I did the Dhunochi dance this year, again =)

I owe that one to*you.

Thank you!

The pictures, the one's i took with family, and few friends at different date have come out really well :) Put few of'em up soon :)

So anyway guys, I'm off now. It's okay that poojas weren't that great this year. Everything can't be a cake all the time na? So yeah, I'm going to be all the more optimistic about it, and make next year grand.

And I promise ALLLL of you to include y'all in it, cyberly if necessary ;)

Love,

Nil.

[P.S-- the 1st picture above is the Dhunochi Dance by me, and the 2nd one is the idol of Kashmiri gate. Also, Rohaan, it's not "Doorga Poojow".] :P

:P

Hello everybody:)

I finally had the time to update my blog. (Stop clapping Mrill) :P Hahaa.

Well, err... the last month has veeb pretty much of a mix-and-match.

A lotttt of things happend.. I mean, yea well, I discovered people who "actually" were my friends- who stood there even when I was filthy busy with all the 24 hours, and identified the one's who are just fake and *pretend to be there and understand*-- where as they didn't understand shit and just pretended too,while being bitter in their hearts about me.

For those of you who understood my rough time - Thankyou:) And I love you.

For those who just turned out to be liars - Get lost and never find yourself again.

Now comes the good part,

I spoke to one of my best friends yesterday. For a Looo-oong time. After a Looo-oong time.

it was nice to finally see she's happy. And that she's not gonna pause his life yet, so as to not pause my blabbering :P

YES- You have weird ears!! Okay?!

Haha. But I'm just glad you're back, and i'm just glad my talkitiveness and CRAZY ideas don't bore you :) And even if they do, you don't say it ;)

You're pretty wise that ways :P

Everything's pretty great with everybody-- very abrupt; I know.

right now i'm just feeling bliss, of knowing and having people who have stood by me no matter what.

I love you all so much, it's not even funny! :P

Adios Amigos ;)

Screw you.

Why are we all so boneded and tied to this society around us?

every step we take is so measured, everywhere we look is so careful, every word that comes out has been filtered in the mind thrice...... I'm sorry guys, but I'm just really pissed off.

I don't get it anymore-- I tried my best. And I conclude that I can't get it.

Every one is so concerned about everything happening around them. Everybody is in a persuite to fit in. No matter how many times I tried to figure out why, I just got one answer -- Insecurity.

Why is everyone so insecure? Do they think they'll be 70yrs old and not have anyone to hold on too? Can't they get it that if we keep being so careful about each breath we let out, everything is just gonna look like a perfectly sewn life-- when it'll be horribly Not Perfect.

I'm in class 10th. I am an exteremly chilled out person, emotional- yes. But practical and rational. I hope.

I trust myself, I know I can do well.

But do any of those lines above help if every day I'm reminded of the competetion outside? does it not crample up my confidence? Does it help further to give me the look that says "You have to do better" when someone hears about one of my freak sisters getting a 93% in boards?

Maybe I'm just really frustrated right now, and hence I am writing such a post..... But it's not just about Boards, or education guys. Look around you.

Look at 3 people around you in a market. Do any of them have the gutts to open their t-shirts and dance around publicly? No. And I am not saying that just because people don't do that means they don't have gutss, Nu-uh.

What I mean to say is, ever thought about Why they wouldn't do something like that?

Is it because they don't feel like doing it?

Or is it because they're too scared about what the people around them would say?

The answer is Unmistakably the 2nd one. Sadly,too.

If you disagree with me, I'b be happiest. But that sad truth is, out of a population of say- 100,

99 want to to what the beaten track teaches them.

They're all scared cause in our "so-called-society" , people who choose to be/act different, are called "Mad Men".

Yes, that's the name our society has given to unique poeple.

I've been through it, and hell I can bet, each and every one of you-- if any day you guys did something different, even when you thought no one was looking, 5 people must have thought "what? is he mad?"

I'm sorry for such a deppressing post friends,

but it's just something that has been building in me since a long time.

Now, the only answer I see -- when the "society" says anything to me is

"Screw you."

Second me ?

Vande Mataram

"So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked." --Mark Twain

India, a very prolific country. I've been living here since 15 years. Pretty much through out my life till now. This country reminds me of a lot of things. One of the biggest being, Myself.

I would have never stood where I stand today, had I not been born on this country. I would never know colours, in their true sense, if not for india. I would have never known the cows-- The Gae Maata! In the literal way! I would have never felt the fun, of flying kites on 15th August. I would have never got goose bumbs while watching the Republic Day Parade.

I would have never learned that feeling of pride when I see our "Tiranga" flying high in the air..

I would have never known myself, if not for my country..

Please hold hands with me, friends. Let's make a difference. I think the time has come. Indeed. We need to start our movement.

And by "Our" movements, you'll know what I mean,once you read the peom below that i wrote..

Be my human chain guys..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

My Human Chain With You.

I have roaring dreams,

dreams that make me twist and turn at night.

Dreams that make me restless,

dreams that make me think,

when the rest of the world sleeps.

But... That silent music of introvertism,

kept the roaring dreams,

tightly shut in a box.

You know why?

Because my dreams demanded change,

My dreams demanded me to rise,

My dreams kept pushing me towards extrovertism,

My dreams kept pleading,

Crying i'm the last hope..

But today,dawn has cracked,

Not on Earth . . . Yet,

But in my heart.

I've found the key,

to that little box,'

where my dreams and thoughts were captives . .

I scream out today,

and hear me well, friends!

A change I'd like to make,

is for you all to start dreaming.

A change I'd like to make,

is for you all to forget race,caste,and creed.

A change I'd like to make,

is for you all to work.

Work; towards a birghter India,

a brighter future.

A change I'd like to make,

is for you all to not join hands with "Brain Drain".

But my friends,

A change we need now,

This very second;

Is for you all to get a vision,

Not just sight.

A vision that enables you,

To be grateful to this land,

This land; of our father's sweat.

A vision that teaches,

You to propogate,

Not dominate.

A vision that makes you,

A born leader,

to lead India to change, to rise to the top.

A change I'd like to make,

is for you all to join hands with me,

And make the longest Human Chain.

A human chain that symbolizes,

to even the stars up above the zenith, the heaven,

The change that you're a part of,

The change you made,

The change for good,
A changed paradise called India. . .

-- NILANJANA BHATTACHARJEE.

Vande mataram!

=D

I had a nice day.
Well, yea, I did. It's one of those very normal days, but just certain comments make them the best:) So today, I really want to thank ALL those people who knit my life with me, and made it sooo freakin speacial! Even my blogger friends, cause they've been there too, cyberly hi sahi ;D

It's crazy how the past year just went by. I mean, look at it! Durga pooja's in a month!! And how slumped in anguish we were, last year thinking that we had a whole year to pass now..Ofcourse, in a year, too many things have changed. Friends, school,studies,family and I for one have really changed. And honestly, I have no regrets about it. True friends stuck around, fake one's left. Which suits me fine, actually.

Recalling the kind of tomboy I was a year back ( I still am! And proud of it) But some things had to change, and they did for the greater good.

It's August already. God. I was working my ahem off last year at this time for Zonals.. This year too, I will be playing. The only difference is that I'm not going for coaching, and rather will be given VIP treatment to just step into the court and play for 40mins ;)
I know the fact that I'm not prcaticing will effect my perfomance. ALOT> but that's the way it has to be this year, And i have to live with it.

I have moulded myself into a different person, and you guys have helped me. God! Just a year, and it feels like a decade! I've learnt so many things, and tried to make myself better . As a person and as a worker,too .
I've found new goals, and new sides of myself... Sides that were hidden are now out, and I think I'm amazed at how many sides came out.. Not in the bad way!

I've realized people's importance in my life, speacialy certain people who were there. No matter what. They acted like my stick through life, and I could never pay off what they did for me.

I'd like to thank Him-- up above, and Him-- down, here with me.
I love you. Always will.

I want to thank ALL my friends, you all are the best . Simply the best. And for those who lost contact, i hope the very best for you all. And for those who didn't want to keep in touch, well, I hope you guys get along life well.
No hard feelings... :P

I'm walkin with my old friends, picking up all my new friends.. and waiting for the ones to come :)

I'm walking with almost everything I had, maybe leaving bits for the best... and I have miles to go...

Take care every body, and don't regret life, no matter what.
When they say "Make the best out of now!" they say it right.
Some people learn it the hard way, and some people are just smart like me ! ;)

hhaaha.
Be smart :D
Actually, hard way's also fine :P

I love you all :)

and you all Rock. Just keep smiling!
\m/

Ways to live life forever

I've been ill from the past few days. It's been very boring, and hardly anybody was home. Studying was not an option-- for the simple reason that I didn't want to, and going out wasen't one aswell-- cause my mum would have disowned me:)

Anyway,

so I've been doing alot of reading lately... Finished quite few books.. The last one was called "Ways to live forever" by Sally Nicholls.

It's about a book that a kid writes who has lukeamia.

I cried, I laughed, I frowned, I ridiculed, I scowled, I made every possible expression while reading that book. . Because the ridiculously beautiful way it has been written really shook me up.

I thought it was pretty kidish, at first. . but then the way the author has explained how the Kid {Sam} aquires and lives certain wishes that he only dreamt of doing, but never thought of it as "do-able" with the help of his friend {Felix} is amazing. . It's funny how visualy dynamic the book was, because I could see everything, right infront of my eyes.

I realized once again, that all these worries we take of not being able to study hard anough/ fidgiting over what to do over the next 90 minutes so it's *utilized* well/ how to act infront of the guests coming home/ how to get the XYZ scholarship are trivial issues at the end of the day if all you care about is being happy after all.

Even if you're dying.

Sure enough, all of that is very important, I couldn't agree more that a future/money/job/home/etc everything is important... But... what I think is... I think I'm an okay human being, i don't like being mean, and I don't like being a bitch to anyone .

I trust myself enough that w/o unfair ways, and with my hardwork, I'll reach the top...

But that'll never stop me, from sitting on an apple tree during a power cut, and feel like I'm in space.

;)

Read the book guys :)

Cheers!

Scholastic Book Launch.

Yesterday, was a beggining to what my life is going to be.
The first Book Launch ever, that I was a part of.

Let me give you all a lil rewind of whatever happend, so you guys don't find yourself utterly lost !
;)

Well, every year, there is this National Scholastic Writing Awards Competetion by Scholastic, in which kids all over India send their entries, their stories, and their thinking.
In that comepetition, I came 5th position all over India.

So,
recently I was informed in school that my entry had also been selected for getting published in a book called "For Kids, By Kids" which was a compiplation of stories by children who've got a national level recognition in the field of writing.. I was invited to the book launch, as I was one of the authors.

Yesterday was the Book Launch.
I went... And the first thing I saw were more than thousand copies of the book being sold in the counter. Excited little kids, and smiling parents,and interviewers, and everybody else, everybody was just running around, buying copies of the book.
It still hadn't sunk in.

I went to the counter and picked up a copy, my parents were waiting for me to get the book.
I went through the content, I couldn't spot my name. Despair covered me like a tight black blanket, I felt complete dissapointment for whole 10 senconds. I came back in form, and gave it another try...
anishk, rhea, blah blah.. xyz.. abc... . blah....... Nilanjana Bhattacharjee- Breaking Free.
THERE IT WAS!!!!!!
My heart skipped atleast 3 beats! {Okay, maybe just one }
But.. I saw my name. My story, right there..I took a copy, and took it to my parents..
My mum and dad was talkin to someone else, dad introduced me to that person, saying "Yea, my daughter is one of the writers.." and this person leaped over me sayin "Congratulations dear!!!! Doesn't it feel great!?! Keep it up darl!!!" and went off.

Then, this lady came to me, and said "Hi, I'm the organisor of this event, your name ?"
I said " Nilanjana Bhattacharjee"
"Oh! You must be one of the authors then!! Welcome in! Please have a seat in the Author's seats, yea, right over there" she said, pointing towards a direction.
I stared at her blankly, "You must be one of the authors".
I was thinking to myself,
This lady said I was an author. I. Yes, I!!
What?!!!!
"No wait, Nilanjana, don't freak. Be a good girl, go sit."

I went, and sat. Trying to look through these people who were looking at me intently.
Finaly, the program began.
We were asked to read out little extracts from our stories.. i read my favourite part..
At the end of it, someone asked me
"What inspired you to write something on Breaking Rules , and Chandni Chawk together?"
I said
"I just wanted to send this msg accross, that today Breaking rules is considered a wrong thing to do.. but what people don't get is, breaking rules is a part of discovering yourself, who you really are, what are your limits, and where you start and stop... and as far as Chandni Chawk is concerened, people really need to discover where our real Delhi started from, from where New Delhi began.... "
And then there was this hugeee roar of applause for me!
FOR ME?!!
It sunk in. Finally. It did.
"Today, I am an author. "
It sunk in.


I saw someone's face without who this feeling wouldn't have been complete.
I was living my dream.

after few more questions, we were made to conclude the gathering,
we spoke our last few words, and it officialy ended... But not unoficially!
There were little kids, guys, girls, ladies [!!] coming upto ME and asking for autographs!!
This lady made me sign a couply of copies
"This is for my daughter"
"this is for my grand son"
"this is for myself! please sign it!"..

Never in my life had I signed autographs for someone, and today, so many kids and adults were asking for my autograph!

I had lost count of how many books I signed.. i could see the excitement in the other fellow authors with me too, when they signed..
we were all under 16, and this was our frst time, ever...

I got my gift hamper., and when I went into the bookshop , there were MORE people wanting to talk to me!
I gave some of them my email, and I made a friend "Meghavarshini". She was a book fanatic like me, and we had similar tastes. Also met this interesting person named Anirudh. He seemed to be extremely well read, and very polite.

My parents and family were too proud. Mom said "there was this lady who said, who knows? your daughter might be the next jhumpa Lahiri!"
I could tell she was proud. My dad too.


My night ended with a high, with a high of happyness.

This was my first step towards ambition.. I can see many more now.. Coming to me, and I am decending forward.. right towards them..

The illiterate man.

Another one, while I was getting bored:)

enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The illiterate man

He stood up from his desk,

after finishing the last report.

He sat in the cab,

reading his newspaper.

In silence,he gulped in

each and every word-

and left once he reached,

without reading the cab driver's smile which said "Good day".

His wife greeted him with a kiss,

which he shrugged and left.

His son ran and gave him a hug,

which he never returned.

The dog, stayed just where he was,

as he knew the man too well..

He knew the man possesed no knowledge,

to know what was love.

The illiterate man went back to his study,

and took out the fattest book on Law.

All this while, the wife stood by the door..

Waiting for just a smile.

As soon as dinner was over

he went to bed,

never so much as glancing at his wife,

who lay beside him, waiting.

Waiting, for him to read her love,

just now, just once..

This successful man,

oh what a pity!

was just an unlucky illiterate..

As he never learnt to read.

Read, those smiles of love,

those expressions of care,

those hugs of expectations..

He was an illiterate man,

who never learnt to really read and write life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just Random.

I was humming to this uhm, secret song that my friend Aaritri and I wrote (slumber 06) <3 , and I was going through these blogger templates when I bumped into this one. It's called "Rock My Socks!" .

Soo. Moral : I changed my temp.
:)

I'm stil in chennai, and am going to Elliot beach. Yay, Funnn.
I get back to Del tomorrow, though. Man, Ima miss this place so much.

Anyway,
YOU GUYS?! WHERE HAVE YOU ALL VANISHED?!

I'm waitng for your comments on whatever's up at your end.

I am, really.

So pour out everything!
I;m waiting.

Still.

Waiting!

The nervous lady in Orange, the lil kid with Nerdy specs and the crappy Airhostess.

Okay, so the first person I spoke to once I sat down on the waiting chairs after the Security Check in was this nervous looking lady in Orange.
So unlike me, she failed to project that she was absolutely fine and confident about it flying alone.
I asked her is she was flying to Chennai as well, she replied me with a shrill "Yes!".
The kind of a shrill voice when people try to sound steady when they're extremely nervous and anxious about something.

I didn't want to make her any further tensed, So I looked away.

"Are you travelling in Flight No. E6 823?" She asked after 10 minutes.
Before I could manage a panic attack that I was the wrong terminal [!!]-- She quickly tallied her ticket to mine and said in extereme relief -- which she tried to disguise ofcourse-- that we were on the same flight.
After about 15 seconds of confused numbness and fear of missing my flight, I realized that she hadn't memorised her flight number and had said "Flight no. E6 823" intead of "Flight no. 6E 283" !

The lady recieved some phone call later -- Just about 5 mins before boarding-- and by the dialect in which she spoke- I could figure out she wasen't really very expreienced in English- Forget flying alone.

I noticed her asking the Indigo fellow twice if it was the right flight she was boarding, even though she was in the same terminal as me,in the same que and had already checked with me once.
Boy- She was nervous. And the cold sweat on her neck spoke in that case.

But, see that's how it is , right?
Some of us are capable of hiding our fears and acting confident and tall to the world. And some of us, even on trying with all our might fail to do so.
Doesn't matter if we have the same issues or not.

When I got into the aircraft, I saw the lady sitting on the very first seat of the aircraft -- with a window seat. [Not the best seat for a person travelling for the first time on air and to add it on; alone].

I wished her luck in my mind,
And moved ahead to get to my seat.

And here, her story ends.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE LITTLE BOY WITH THE NERDY SPECS was spotted by me just when I was super bored in the flight, and was desperate for it to take off.
This little fellow, saw the hot airhostess shutting the luggage cabins above us..
So with "jawaani ka josh" -- with quite difficulty and pretty much struggling on his seat [thanks to his height] tried reaching the cabinet above him and finaly managed to shut it close. After achieving such a tremendous goal [!] he flashed a dazzling proud smile at the airhostess- which sadly enough-- she did not even notice ; His smile or his efforts . . . :(
But the funny part was, that even after such an ignorance , the boy was pretty content and listened to the airhostess with big wondering eyes while she gave the instructions to the fellow passangers.

It's amazing how Lil kids are so free of ego and always let other people talk and gladly listen to them with rapt attention-- which is not really the case anymore once we grow up.
Well. Not always ofcourse.

Anyway, after listening to the airhostess he sat down and went back to his gaming machine. . Occasionaly smiling at the sky outside.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

THE CRAPPY AIRHOSTESS
"Hey can you please help me with my rucksack?" I asked cheerfully to her once I reached my seat.
"Nooo... I can't ma'am. They actually let you carry that as cabin baggage?!" She replied with the FAKEST and ANNOYING smile on the makeup dabbed face of her's.
"Yes, they do actually." I replied coldly.
"I'll manage it , Thank you. Just manage your makeup". Saying this I closed the case.

When I came to think of it, people like this chick are the people we negotiate with almost every 2nd day. And the weirdest part is, they are the ones that help us to actually build ourselves up-- Bold, upright and strong.

These girls [In other cases men] with dabbed makeup, cold smiles and even colder words teach us to face everything head on.

And after a lot of thinking ...
I'd say -- Thank you!!

;D

My moment of truth.

"Nilanjana, tomorrow I want a box of sweets. I don't eat chocolates".



That's what my English teacher told me before cracking the news.



"You've come 5th all over India for the Scholastic Writing Awards Competition", She said with a smile, which soon turned into a hug.


I was holding on to my breath eversince I saw that naughty smile on Remya's face..
I knew something was up .. I could tell by the way she said "Suman Anand ma'am wants to see you".





From the past few months, it's been crazy hectic ; Finals of 9th, and beginning of Xth.
I had pretty much forgotten wbout this competition. I never thought of myself deserving enough to even come in the top 200..
Top 5 was simply out of question.

But somehow, Deep [Really deep!] down, I held on to something..

Just something; a thin strand of hope, that somehow, my nqame would come in the top 10 of winners.

Now, when I recall that moment, it was a very weird feeling after I got to know what I had achieved.

The feeling was definately ecstatic.. But.. Unbelievable.

Too good to be true.

After about 5 minutes of complete suprise, Remya came and congratulated me with a complimentary hug:)

I could see she was happy for me. She was as excited as I was.

Which made me feel really great, cause no offence to anybody.. But.. It's become really hard to find people who actually WANT to be happy for you. And who actually acknowledge that "Dude, You desrved it".

In today's world, it's become more of a phoney ; "OMG! Im like, Sooooo happy for you sugar! Mwah mwah! Hugz!!".

And then, the moment you turn around, they roll their eyes and say "Whatever".

Im sorry incase Im being a pessimist, but that's reality buddy. Atleast what I've seen. I hope I'm wrong, I'd be more glad to be wrong than anyone at all ! Very few people actually are happy when you achieve something.

****************************************************

Then, I went to the Comp Lab to check my name in the Scholastic website. I pulled Atreyi along.

Another close friend with who I wanted to share this moment with.

It was an exhilerating feeling to see my name, right there in the Top Five list.

A moment I can never forget. Even when I'm 60:)

Atreyi said she was really really proud of me.

It was nice learning such a good news in the presence of my 2 very close friends. Sharing it with them doubled my happiness.

I went back home, and I was the star.

Hugs. Kisses. Pats on my back.

I was on the 9000000000th cloud :D

I felt euphoric.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day was pretty ironic ; In the good way!

Suman Anand ma'am asked Remya to announce my name in the school assembly.

There could be nothing better than having her announce my name. Nothing better than a friend smiling at you when you went to the podium to shake hands with the Director.

She smiled, and with pride took my name aloud and shared the news with the whole school.

It was crazy.

The 12thies clapping like mad even before she announced my name. It was great to walk till the podium; Realizing that every face was looking at you, thinking of you for that moment, and clapping for you.

Now, I felt that I really did achieve something.

~~*~~*~~~*~*~*~~*~*

Just as Twisted Elegance had one said ;

"You sure know how to make small things into big things!!".

And just as I replied ;

"Big things come and go. But small things are the ones that really matter, and should be celebrated to truly feel and see happiness And to live life Queen size" ;)

Gnite everybody:)

Sleep well,

Cause I will !

;)

A musical...

When she was young,
so was he,
they met as friends
and held each others hands
for the vast world to see . . .


When she was of age,
and so was he
It was time to get married,
and both families disagreed.


When she was ready,
so was he
They eloped together,
and set themselves free ..
For the beautiful sky to smile at them,
for them to be a part of each other's ecstacy . .


When she was a mother,
so was he.
For she was a mother to the child,
but he was a mother to both . .


When time passed,
and air rusted..
When she was ready to close her eyes,
so was he.
When she was peaceful to die,
so was he.

So was he
So was he


And his grave bore the words ;

"When she was mine,
I was her's.
Now she is god's
thereby, so am i lord,
So am I " .




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something that a sleepy mind of mine wrote , late after midnight.
How do you like it?