Saturday, August 27, 2011

He smiles.

He smiles. 

He pours out the hushed tales,
tales of his life which would have been fairtytales otherwise,
had he not closed his eyes and smiled,
smiled at every word that his unconscious tongue let go.

He seemed to smile at the irony,
the irony of sad humor,
the humor at the slaves we all are to The Greater Good,
slaves...slaves of Time.

He seemed to smile,
at the subtle leaves of Change,
that have yellowing edges,
that want to be a part of autumn, and look belonged.

But he also smiled,
because he wasn't afraid.
Afraid to be read,
to float on the naked surface of truth,
he smiled,
cause this is how it was,
and there was no changing it.

But while I stood on the aisles,
and watched the curtains rise and fall,
to his mono act,
to his One Man show,
with every wave of confessions,
I looked at him harder,
for he still closed his eyes and smiled,
and that,
just that, gave me a reason enough,
to live, to strive, to run, to smile..
Cause this is how it was,
and there was no changing it..


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Rolling in the deep.

Yes, that's my current obsession- Adele is a fugging genius.
And with a weather like that, everything seems genius. And the line 'They keep me thinking, we almost had it all" is stuck in my head. They make a little too much sense in my life, right now. And that's overwhelming, and so I sit on Blogger with a tranced out face trying to make sense out of the sudden blankness that just shut my brain down.

The last weekend was a little too eventful. So it was a whole bunch of bollocks when I decided that I'd stay indoor and study till there's no more coffee at home. Well. That didn't happen. I did study yeah, but not even close to how much I was supposed to. Okay that's awesome, that just added in guilt with the blankness in my neurons.
Anyhow. So Friday was outright insane. I'm not supposed to write about it on my blog, but lets just say that the bucket list I was talking about in my last post is slowly filling up well and quick. Saturday and Sunday went by quickly cause my friend Aliya's come to India, and so there was her birthday outing cause of which I visited Qutub Minar and Essex Farm after what seemed like eons, and then we had a sleepover at her place which left me sleep deprived, and I'm yet to catch up on it. All of this was somehow interspersed with sessions of Econ and Pol Science (i have no clue how tho.)
And yesterday, I met my sister for lunch, the purpose of which was to meet her boyfriend who's a solid guy and a kickass photographer. Quiet, humble, insanely talented. So we had quite an amazing lunch followed by nomading around the streets of CP while this guy kept taking pictures of us which I have no clue how left me quiet. Nobody posed. We just talked and walked and heard his Canon 1000D go 'Khichak!' every second. So multiple Photoshoot dates decided after my First Term exams end.

Missed out on the Southie lunch at my Lavaaaar's place on Sunday..which was quite kickass I heard. And I've been hearing about some retarded video which these guys made (put it up will you?) and the racial jokes with my ladies continue enhancing love between us :/
Vanta: They named West Bengal Paschim Bangaaa!
Me (in a serious tone): Yes, they did. Poshchim Bongo.
Now you see, any normal bong would have gotten pretty offended at the conversation above but not in my case,no. That's pretty much the way we talk, all of my ladiej. And racial jokes on each other is what binds us together = )

School was pretty normal tday. Econ was the only class I studied. Geo/Pol Science bleh. English,bunked. Made Rob bunk Biotech again. Which reminds me I'm supposed to figure something out and see that bugger at seven. How does that work?
Anyhoo. I have a cold. One of those annoying ones which make your throat feel ticklish all the time and you feel like punching your throat till it dies.

Did I mention one of my teachers is learning Salsa to propose his lady for marriage?
And I thought romantics were dead.

Ok bye.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Chiquitita Memories

'nuff of the serious deep fiction, HI there,fat round world. How are thee doing? The day has been absolutely generous in drenching me with sweat every time I step anywhere which has the faintest trace of the sun, also the rain gods have been shy and unwilling which is annoying me. BUT. I must tell you that yesterday something happened. I mean, nothing "happened". epiphany. You know how we hold on to certain threads of a memory/a person/a hope?.. a thread that somehow sends quiet sparks into the silent sky of your thoughts.. Yeah, well, when that thread breaks, you almost hear a loud 'SNAP!' in your head. That happened. Last night. And I couldn't be more happy. It had been a while since I'd been holding on to lose ends of a ribbon and now, as Remya put it, I've cut that end of the ribbon and let it fall in the ground. And it's over, for good now. :)

THERE. End of deep stuff. Okay so here's the update- My darling retards in school and I have all decided on figuring out this bucket list of things we want to do before we leave school, and slowly we've started the execution to all those Must-Do checks. We've done two, almost in the process of doing the third one, but heyy I plan to publish that list on my blog in the end of the school year. But just to give you a peak-a-boo to today's Wishlist execution-----> I always wanted to run wild on the School's terrace where students aren't allowed. I wanted to do a sprint, run crazy, and let the wind blow into my face cause the terrace is always pretty insane with the summer winds.. And so, today, Vanta and Guinz came to us (Rem and me) after break and told us that the passage to the terrace was open! And so, there we went. We dragged Chatur along and hell while I was walking hurriedly towards the stairs that led up, I felt this tension and once I entered the terrace, the first thing that greeted me was that crazy craaazy wind. I did sprints with Rem, ran w.i.l.d with Guinz and laughed like a retard with Chatur and Vantz. And with that, I felt exhilarated. Somehow. I felt.. amazing. Happy. I felt happy.

Yeah. So with that, we hurried out when the care taker, who was the most chilled stud I've ever seen btw, asked us to get the hell out :) And then, I spent useless hours in the Lab with Robin reading romantic poems on the internet and cracking sick jokes at the mush. Then I sat through the other classes with Chatur randomly waving HI to Rem and me frantically from outside the class. With the perpetual chaos going on in the corridors, the snickering in class and feeling like Einstein in Geography class for the first time. Dissing at Mantah and screwing his happiness for ditching on my Rakhi gift. Speaking total shit with Remya in the library pissing the midget Librarian off and figuring and completing each others sentences (which can be very creepy,yes.) Laughing on Diggy's gross hairy chest. Maintaining the chain cycle of obsession with Guina,Rem and Vanta. Missing the Khandelwal sisters whenever I heard anyone nag about the miseries of life. Making Robin ditch every Biotech class just to laze around with me for endless hours in the school campus.

So yeah. Vague moments, amazing, exhilarating, ecstatic simple memories.

Very simple, but gorgeous memories :)
Nil :)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A neat boy.

 A neat boy.

You know when they say, the person you fall in love with reflects in some ways, the man your father is? I never quite agreed. The thought of seeing traces of my father in my lover was revolting and I never entertained the thought for more than the second is crossed my mind.
Now,though... Now that I look at him from a distance, I realize what they said was almost true. Now, that we hesitate to cross the same paths again, or meet gazes again, while my father is observed at home by me every day, I see the subtle similarities..

The temper, the sense of humor, music, the lean structure in youth, the charming ways of brewing romance, the arched flying eyebrows of curiosity, the mischievous smile,the shy smile,the pride.... But then again, there are roaring differences. The ego, the irrationality, the immaturity, the insecurity, the spineless liar in him.. Now, that I look at him from an unbiased parallel world, I see all the cross and naughts,  the flaws, the qualities. I look at him, I look through him now.

My father was particularly fond of him. "A neat boy!" is what he said,cheering his glass of whiskey. Then again, the cult of entering the college of my Father's was another boastful moment for Him and my father. "The legacy is in good hands!", my father laughed on a Sunday brunch while he sat across the table, talking Politics with my Father.

When He told my father he wanted to marry his daughter soon, the day he got his first job, my father puffed another cloud of smoke from his pipe and patted on his back. A glisten of pride and comfort in his eyes. My father invited him for drinks that night, I remember. And my drunk father cried that night, almost threatening him to never break my heart. I had to take him to his room, and he had to put the blanket on his feet. My father still shivered.

On my Graduation Day, my family and his sat together applauding standing half up from their seats when my name was announced. I sent both the men of my life flying kisses from the stage, I was a bold girl. My father beamed and he blushed when his mother and his mother-in-law playfully hit him on his back.

And the day I got my first job, we drank up a bottle of wine. Without my father, without my mother, without his. Just us both. He opened a bottle of Vodka then, which gradually led to two more bottles which he almost gulped down, he drank with a glint of desperation. He stroked my face, pulled away the lose curl of hair behind my ear and muttered how long we'd come along. How my oval face was the noor of his life. How my Feminist side was sexy. How my hot-headed self made him laugh in adoration and bow down in respect to my opinionated personality. But he also told me how he needed some space, some time. How he was switching jobs to another country and that he was going to enter another lifestyle. How my father overwhelmed him. How my opinions clashed so much with his. How we wanted different things in life. How.... how it seemed like all the perfection in our lives led him to believe that there was some more life he needed to discover, and that he didn't want to stop just yet.
I asked him to take me along.
He said the imperfection would start with my absence.

And so, I gave it to him. I told him to go kiss the world and have all the imperfection in the world.

"So?" he said, almost like a gurgle, intoxicated by the next bottle of wine, "So will you be waiting for me to come back?" 
I blinked at him; "What?" 

He smirked; "I said, will you be waiting for me to come back? Waiting with your father?" -- I felt slapped.

He was nothing like my Father. He could never be. For he laughed at bonds and ties. He laughed at the honesty in them. He laughed at me. He always laughed in the inside, and held up a straight face on the outside.

When he was gone for good, I asked my father; "A neat boy?"
He smiled sadly; "He was a Vodka neat! Baah! I'd rather a man! A Whiskey Neat boy'eh!" 

He could never be like my father.
Because my father could smile with sad eyes, and speak the truth. While he, he began with lies even with alcohol burning down his tongue. 


(And hopefully with that, the Writer's Block spell is broken!) Awaiting your feedbacks as always,

Friday, August 5, 2011

Shit. Scrap that,Awesome shiz.

Remya asked me to write bullshit on my blog to get over the brutal Writer's Block my neurons seem to be entertaining very well,lately. So don't tell me I didn't warn you, but this post is going to be useless, pointless with a whole lotta shit :]

Fact: Loving the weather.
Fact: High on Cokestudio and Porcupine Tree all the time.

LAST MONTH WAS CRAZY. Downright,bluntly, starkly naked CRAZY. Starting from the sexiest Seventeenth I could wish for, to the month loooong dance rehearsals for Cohesion (which we didn't win,btw.. but heyy best memories ever. Ever, ladies and gentlemen.) Then the Open Day which was the best in all the 14 years of school, with the insanest band around and all my lunatic sweethearts dancing on my head and around :-) Theeenn. The Bombshell. WINNING CLOUDBURST 2011 with the band after singing Sweet Child O'mine! The fireworks in my heart when I was up there on stage, fearless, and singing out loud. Looking at the boys playing their stuff (Mantaah,sweet littul chote, you were sucha bomb!) not to mention having nice laughable chats with lavar Remya on stage while the song was on =P
And the Month ended with Shivvii my love's Birthday (Updated baby, you're always up on priority list even if I forget while posting bullshit :-* BUDDAY LETTER still due. Iloveyou. xoxo) and Rob's birthday and a whole week worth of efforts successful after seeing his reaction when he saw his gifts :") And then last night was his much planned and awaited Birthday Dinner for which two retards (read:Us) were seen on the streets of C.P at ten in the night falling and hopping all over the place with hats on looking as shady as ever and loud laughter!

Did I mention school started with Macro Econ? Not that you care. Also, I think I'm going to be obsessed with Hats for the rest of my life. Also, I never knew how awesome the CAFE 1 in CP is. Must.Go.Again.
Did you know it's my favorite season of the year? Also, that I've been pretty obsessed with green and orange? And that I'm going for a poetry competition this 10th? And that I've actually started going to school on Saturdays? And that I'm secretly depressed about school coming to an end?

I'm turning into a nerd,did you know? The regular weekend parties with my ladies/boys are coming to an end. Eeeslowwly. Because I want to study. :|
This weekend, I plan to sit at home and sleep. And then study. Then sleep. Then go for chai. And then study again. And then show up at school on Monday. I'm turning boring but I'd love that for the next six months, cause I really don't think I can handle the paranoid side of my parents anymore that's come up ever since those beetches of cutoffs came out this year.

I've been reading The Kite Runner and have also been managing to cry like a baby every two chapters. Khaled Husseini is one man who's described Afghanistan, friendship and human emotions like no other writer I've read till date has. In the simplest of words and the plainest of expressions, this man has been able to give me goosebumps with every dot completing a sentence.

On an irrelevant note, Breaks in school are insane fun! Actually School in general is awesome fun now! The retarded group (which has ten people,I just counted) has a new tagline that's yelled out every once in fifteen minutes.

"S***!""P****!" ---> Censored stuff. Children, refrain from deciphering :-)

Also, our School's new P.E teacher is a prick. And we've lovably named him something highly hilarious and versatile which if modified into sentences will make you roll on your back with aching laughter till you pass out.

And now that I've mostly ranted utter crap in this whole post,I feel much better :) The Writer's Block seems to be a stubborn one, so warning you already,I might be back with another round of bullshit. Like how Rem and I practice British abuses or how Vanta and Guina are retarded.
Till then all of ye,
quit staying indoors while the god's are generous, go out, play some in the rain :)

I'll enjoy a warm cuppa coffee now,
Meet Bagwati :)
-Random, Nil.

P.S-I'm awesome.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Happy Birthday you Mantal The Bwoyyy!

I'm writing this because I want to. Because you did what you do best for my birthday,and so I plan to do the same. Write.

I've never written anything for you,cause it's always been very retarded and macho little tactics by which we expressed our care and concerns for each other, but today I can't help but tell you honestly just how amazing you are. And just how strong a hand you've been when my feet were feeble and vulnerable.

We've known each other since we were in our diapers, when rattles and teddy bears were cool. (They never were for me,though). Then came the time when we were still toddlers,new to Nursery school, sharing the same bus stop right outside your house when we (okay,I) used to cry when the bus got late. I still remember how beautiful Autumn looked in that bus top of ours :-) Back then,the end of the world were crayons and plasticine clay,when every little boy and girl in school would roam around cutely holding hands and teachers wouldn't have a problem with them. (What shit man? that's where it all bloody starts from!) Then came the Phase of Grade 1-4 when every boy hated every girl and wanted to rip each others throats off for the others' existence.  Then came Grade 5-8 when the awkwardness decreased and the opposite sexes at school started appreciating (and enjoying) each others company, and then came Grade 9-12. When there were best friends, romances, fights, pairing, jokes, nostalgia- ALL around school.
But the strange part is, in all these years of various phases, we've been around somewhere, lurking near each other making our presence very subconscious. We lived our lives in very different ways, met very different people, had insane experiences and walked with parallel but different thought processes.. But haven't we been around,all the time? :-)

The perpetual Ice Creams you keep hiding in my letterbox to cheer me up, the annoying habit of  keeping your phone on Silent Mode, the eye-roll you give me every time I say "Robeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenn...." indicating I had the most dangerous plan in mind which you'd eventually have to join, the way your solution to every problem is "Let's go grab a beer at Spinz", the late night sneak outs for Chicken Lolipops, hitting the mall at 9:30 am to just watch a movie, the way you stand in the corridor every morning in school and peek nervously at me when I enter to check if I'm on my Blues or not and then laugh cause I always am, and the 'Macho' way you try to act when I get all senti, and your absolutely EPIC msgs when you're drunk.
.....and most recent of all, and definitely the one memory that'll never fade- the way you quietly came and sat next to me on the aisle during COHESION when my group didn't win.
I need you to know, that you've been one of the few faces that have honestly helped me sail through like a breeze when times and people tried to break me down.

I need you to know that what I have with you are the memories that make me smile every time I hit a dark mood, and honestly, I thank my stars for having such a retard like you around who'd calm me down when I'm hyper and frantic (which is actually all the time.) You've been an amazing friend. A friend I can never do without.
I could write a whole hundred pages and that wouldn't be enough of the crazy times we've had together and as you say- 'Our Epicness with a Hat and a Feather' won't end.

 Happy Birthday,Rob.
This one's for you.. Cause you were there when most left.

haha remember this crazy night?

-Love always,
"Mantal The Chashmeesh the Gurlzz" :-P

P.S- Bas bohot bhao de diya, ab corner mein jake tatti karle. ;)