Saturday, December 31, 2011

2012, ahoy!

I was wrong. The last thing 2011 was, was unnecessary. It was as for me to step into the shoes of the person I am, today as for me giving winter a chance and just try and like it a tad bit. Keeping all the preaching, and philosophy away; 2011 was a year that slapped me in the beginning, caught me off guard (heh, understatement.) and jerked me back to the person I actually am.

2011 had everything a year could possibly fit in the calender. Love, hate, first timers, heart ache, anger, friendship (a gazellion tonnes at that), adventure, mad laughter, sloshed tears, memories with people least expected, good good times, coincidences, intentional actions, brewing romance, quiet tongue bites, a whole lot of self realization.

Of Memories
Hopped into a bus not knowing where it went, seen in a coffee shop alone with a map perked up my nose, wildest worldcup with a house full of boys, random weekend day outs with my favorite ladies,showing up at every exhibition in the city, Jeffry Archer Book launch with Rem, Delhi's Dhobighaat, first pool party ever,MENS FRIKKIN LOO, 8 day extended party with Raima, Remya showing up close to midnight on my birthday, Illegal Pahargunj with Vanta & Guina, library 'dates', nailing most competitions with Remya, Robin's birthday special with our hats, travelling around Delhi with my walking-talking lovebugs, BIG BANG THEORY and Masterchef loops at Robin's almost everyday at 1, Calcutta's Coffee House romance, jams with Maiden, Maggi at Shiv's, Roy's studio, Remya's text "I'll wait till New Years if I have to", every goddamn day at school,Shruti Di's birthday surprise, NEW YORK CHEESECAKE!,  writing like a lover, Joy's birthday, Rohan's Patiala jokes, morning blues at the school corridor,GAY conversations with the ladies, FRAPES, Singing 'Sweetie' on my birthday,CHA CHA night with Robin, walking in and out of Math class, weekend at sister's, screaming SINGLE IS SEXY, End Of School Bucket List, getting called to the Principal's office for getting into trouble- for a change, canteen march 'S*** P****!' with the girls and Chatur,27/7 coffee chills, evening Chai, showing up at Guina's before every practical exam with a sly grin, COOKING at Robin's kitchen like nobody's business, Robin's WHIPPED stunt, Orrisa First Timers, karaoke night with sisters, Aliya, SKYPE, back to back dinner and lunches with Neha and Sheks, partying like an animal at Chika's, randomly crashing Vanta's place anytime at the oddest off hours,email marathons with Mantah,tearing up diaries worth 6 years with Neha,CONTI, my poem making it to the Commendable Section for the Ruskin Bond Writing Competition,last solo performance in school.. *and counting. 

These weren't even half the memories, but the ones I could remember in a single go with five minutes in hand before I'm called to run my happy rear downstairs for a Bonfire with my humongous family which is very happy by the way, and Happy Bengali people means loud business. But I can't remember of any other year when I'd close my eyes and such a whirlpool of so many memories swirled in. This year had the middle name of Self Realization. It's been a year when I was on my own, completely; and I couldn't be more grateful. There were decisions, harsh ones.. but I bow down to the same old; it's happened for the best- Word.

So enter, 2012. I've experienced everything the last year could possibly be capable of... you, 2012 better be competition to all of that. I usually don't have any resolutions, most 31st Decembers are devoid resolutions for me. I make resolutions as the year kicks in, but this time... I have one.
It's to never give up on happiness for things that don't promise to stay. 
For that matter, to never give up on happiness at all.
For it's that one faith, that's going to be your saving grace :)

There are too many people who made this year so insane. Who held straight faces when I tried cracking the punchline of Pjs (which I suck at beyond infinity.), who kind of dragged me along every time I'd stop walking, who thought a pint of beer was a solution to every problem in life, who posted black gay hearts on my Facebook or sent me absolutely racist text messages just to crack me up and say Hi, who fought with me like cats and dogs and said the most hurtful things and ended up calling me up and going ' cold coffee today evening?' and vice versa, who made me coffee late at night just to make sure I didn't fall asleep with the book on my face, and just.. a lot of people who took care of me and stuck around in a way that was extraordinary. You all know who you are, I thank you, crazy people. I know I've been a retarded nut to handle :)

Happy new year, World.
Stay blessed and sing in the songs for 2012 ahoy! Let's get groooooooovy ;)

-Love love love, all you need is love!

P.s- Come to think of it..... 2011 was rather kickass! 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

I'll forget what happened, and I'll dance, right there in the middle.

Greetings, winter people!
The shout mouth is back. And go get some blankets and a whole lotta hoodies, here comes up my winter update.

So last night was the last school Annual Day of my life. It never really sunk in cause unlike the past thirteen years, I didn't bunk each and every class for 3 weeks irrespective of annual day rehearsals or no, didn't run around the whole school helping out with lists of a zillion participants or stayed back in school for post school hour rehearsals. This fourteenth year, I just went for a single stage practice to figure the spotlight and stage space and that's it, I saw the stage next straight on performance day. Which is why maybe, this year.. annual day didn't feel right. But the fact that last night was my last solo performance on that stage feels surreal. 
(Thanks for the photo, Vantz!)
My friends came, my parents were darn proud. The show ended at quite an amazing note, and it didn't look half as shitty as I thought the Finale would be. It wasn't no fine choreography, but it was just.. an agglomeration of kids who danced on the aisles, on stage and on the stairs despite the frequent swears they probe at the school system everyday. And I guess that's what happened to me,too. Two minutes before my entrance, I stood backstage and I forgot about every thing that happened, went on stage and danced right there in the middle of the stage and gave the best I could to my last performance in school. 
When it ended, and I took a bow, I felt happy. Content. And satisfied. A series of events after which included praise, laughter, photographs, squeals ended with me in the car ride back home, and a weird sense of anxiety. What next? What, after this? 

So I guess this anxiety will stay till March end. Till the next two months of complete riots get over, and every one's back to normal and back to their senses. (Believe me I have reasons for saying the same.)
December's been a strange month. Of our school's Conti, informal end of school, strange mood swings, denial, complete ignorance, goddamn winter and a mumbo jumbo of the mind and the heart.
The fact that the one most constant thing in my life, school is pretty much gone leaves me on a very vulnerable ground where I'm just breathing calm and trying to hold on to the icing. 
It'll be fine, I know it will. It's just the wait, that's so taxing. 

Anyhow, Christmas tomorrow. The heart of the city's going to look gorgeous tonight, so please do make a quick detour from your celebrations and make your way to Connaught Place. I know I will :)
Other than that, another year's come to an end... New years in a week, wow. Damn, 2011 you've been one unnecessary year. But more on that, later :-)

That's enough for December's update. Also, THANK YOU lovely readers for the gorgeous response on the last piece. I can't say it enough, but you guys keep my going. This is another quick opportunity to mention Shelly Brown who's been reading my blog since about three years and finally decided to email me her heart out this December, thank you. Silent readers like you probe the subconscious writer in me to write more just for a few anonymous smiles, around the world. Thank you, really. 
With that, I sign out. Have a gorgeous Christmas, you guys and I'll hopefully be back with a New Years post, as ritual has it. 
Much love, always,

P.s- Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Nascent romance.

You rise from a prolonged slumber, ambivalent if it was sweet. The curtains are timid, letting in certain stray rays of sunlight that have been burning the fabrics of the same, that sealed you within your cocoon of soothe, solace.
Nothing looks different, not a dust has traveled.. the haven within the four walls has been sincerely parallel to the that of your mind, the radiating warmth is the same, the station on the radio still plays the same song. Time stopped here, but life on the road didn't ;You realize, once you gingerly walk to the french window, and see the quiet nip of winter smiling on the hooded jackets of wool on people, who carried on, who are carrying on.
The white tee shirt on you feels a little tense, your gaze shifts to the mirror, you wonder if you've advanced some on the weight machine, but you look the same, you still look the same.
You still have a broken nail, that odd twisted smile, the quick frown, the waist long hair. Your skin is still recuperating from the goose bumps, the only recent past you were bequeathed to ponder on.

There's an unsure knock on the door, the familiar face peeping makes you smile. You gesture him to come in, to sit with you, to talk to you, to just be there. So home would feel regular, and the spry change of the lazy seasons wouldn't collide your senses anymore.
...and while you listen to what has happened since you were away, how many bride grooms kissed their brides, how many kittens snuck in through the garden, who the dog barked at, and how the world still revolved while yours slowed down, unsure - you translate the normalcy in that face in front of you, who's happy to see you and who's happy to welcome you back, despite your arrogant disappearance.
And you smile, for most things never altered. It's December already, but it still feels like June.

..and you finally let out a laugh, at how the months, years don't wait. But each and every essence of an old emotion can stand still, suspended in air, until you realize, it's December already, and now that emotion is dead.. for it decayed along with the leaves of autumn, and gave in way to snow, and a nascent romance.

You look at the face in front of you, still uttering on each and every detail you missed while in your slumber.. Yes,he was a nascent romance. 

(And with that, ends my break..and starts my winter. Good lord,it's December already.)
-Nil :)