Eve of 19.

My 18th year was going to end with the end of this blog, because I firmly believed that all good things came to an end. And it was best that way, for it left you with the prime of every feeling, and not the remnants of those feelings fading away.
But a rather wise friend convinced me otherwise. And perhaps, she's right. Because I was holding on to this blog for the same reason, all this while; it's the one constant proof of my life to have never waited for all the happiness and chaos. It just went on, and you all saw, along with me. And perhaps, that's what gives us all hope to realize everything passes; every day, no matter how downtrodden or euphoric it may be... passes. And you live through it, don't you? In fact, you cherish most of it. You not only cherish, but you goddamn love most of it. And the bits that you'd rather not say... pass. And you grow, because each and every emotion, each and every thought, each and every blink, and each and every broken smile pealed another layer off you. It revealed some more of you, to the world, but most importantly; you saw yourself even clearer, you were just that much stronger, standing tall.

You ought to unfurl. You ought to wither away. Because only then, would you have gasped for some air, and only then.. would you have breathed.

Here end the first 18 years of my life, and I'm breathing because I'm on my own, and I'm good.
Year 18, you were the longest and the most entwined road I could ever choose. But I'm glad you happened, because you spelled one thing out for me, for sure; that one phase of my life is over, and the one that's about to come will be that much crooked. And I better twist and turn along, to make myself exactly what I want to be made of. I'm glad you happened, because you spelled out disappointments in a way that no other year has ever, for which I'm ready to appreciate every bit of happiness that decides to show up.

It's important to be happy, it's important to be happier, and it's important to be happiest; but what is absolutely crucial, is to be happy. :)

Happy birthday, to me.
I hope I get a New York cheesecake.

-Nil. 

18.

It's official now. If I kill somebody, I go to a proper jail and not the juvenile one.

Yes, I'm officially 18, ladies and gentlemen. I have so much to say about the birthday and the day after that.. starting from a midnight surprise by Vanta, Guina, Mitra, and Dasgupta to a poster on How to Shit, a silver ring (WISH LIST, check!!!!!), a BEATLES mug (!!!) and Vanta's card (:*). Not to mention Nair and Guina's dramatic shenanigans at buying me a dress, the ulterior motives of which were realized later. Nightstay with the girls followed a lunch with my retarded clan of lovely lunatics (very entertaining,mussay.) the next afternoon. After a foot long bill, we made our way to a fort where we well, flopped ourselves and chilled for a while over puns and whatnot.
All of that followed a trip back home, only to leave again with dad to get a new phone ^.^
After that started a nice warm evening dinner at home with three of my chudddy buds and family where Rob managed to startle me yet again (like every year pssshhh) with his present. It was the Flash tee shirt that Sheldon wears in TBBT, something that I wanted since forever but managed to forget about myself cause I thought it was impossible to get it :O Yah. Crazy how he manages such things every year, eh? :)
I got my first Nine West bag from Pishi and a gorgeous green (huge) bag from Debo Da for college. Oh and LOTS of chocolates. Like, lots. Willy Wonka's factory kind, yeah?
And the next day, my friends took me out clubbing for the first time! (the dress, remember?) Apparently, you're not 18 enough until and unless you go clubbing on the night itself =P I cant feel my feet, that's how much we danced. Shivi and Nair, both wrote me letters =') And Piyushsterrr recorded his version of Fix You and sent it to me as an 18th special. :')
Yeah, well. That was a long (LOOOOOOOONG) story cut short. Because in the span of 2 days, so much awesomeness has happened that it'll be slightly ridiculous if I described all of it right now.
And honestly, it'll kind of spoil it. What happens on an 18th, stays in the 18th ;)
I'm blessed, is all.

Year 18 came with a whole lot of revelations, too. Many of my bestest friends weren't around.. (Uhhuh, you know who you guys are.) but it was quite a birthday, nevertheless.
Year 18 has come with a certain expectation, a certain hope, a certain anxiety too, in the back of my head. And well, I'll take it as it comes. What's meant to be, will be.

To all of you who worked so hard despite me being a pessimistic douche the day before my birthday, THANK YOU, really. You guys make life in general worth it. It's been great, it's been bright, it's been perfect, it's been brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall, I don't care. :)

18, be good to me, alright.

Snippets from the day :)

-Legal and legit,
Nil. :)

The best of all 17 birthday cakes.

Remya traveled across the city at 10 in the night, almost got duped and reached my house catching me off guard with dinner in my hand just so she could be there at midnight to wish me birthday. She just appeared, out of nowhere, with her typical retarded bright grin screaming "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYY!! HAPPPYYY BIIRRTHHDDAYY!!" and waking up the whole house of fourteen people from their slumber of work on a usual day. My mother followed in clapping her hands laughing aloud with her and then my father followed while the whole house floated in grins, delight, and laughter.. THAT was why my parents would kick me out of my own room every time Remya called in the past week, it was a Midnight surprise that she planned with my parents. I was too stunned to react, I stood there with chicken in my hand and mouth wide open. And after about 3 minutes of a billion "What the...." moments repeated in my head, I gained control and gave her a h-u-g-e hug. I was ecstatic.. And then she gifts me one of the best presents I've received in all the 17 years of my life- A black and white photo of us, where she was whispering something into my ear and it said- "To my sweetest Cara... For you, a thousand times over." - After which I was too emotional to say anything and kept repeating "Are you serious?" ..I cut the cake at 12am with my family, and sneaked upstairs to my room with Rem by 12:30. She stayed the night over. We had a sweet slumber party with giggles and heart to hearts, of sleepy photo shoots and laughs.
Calls and texts flowed in, the randomest to the most expected people wishing me. A teacher remembered, a teacher who I hadn't been in touch with for a looong while.. Rob sneaked out upstairs just so he could call :P
Then Debo Da asked me to check Facebook, and I see his profile photo as a photo of us,again. Which said, "HAPPY BUDDAYY TO THE LITTAALL ONNEE!". And there, added a cherry to my cake.

His and Niru Di's surprise (tickets to Blue Mug!!!) followed the next day, which flipped me over yet again. You two are just adoraaabbllee. No wait, LEGGEENNDDHHAARRYY!!! ;)

Then the next day- School. Hugs. Wishes. Cards. Treats. Bunks. RAIN. Random singing of "Happy Birthday" in the middle of the corridor, courtesy- Rem,Vantz,Guinz,Reddy,Raya,Chatur, and just random people joining in and making me melt in the middle of somewhere..

Then, back home. Huuuuggeee party scheduled at 6pm. A party themed the 60's! I was dead nervous about how things would turn up, dad was unwell, people started coming in and the music wasn't ready. The huge sunflower that was supposed to be stuck to my head wasn't working out. My brothers worked like dogs, managed the music, Remya came in, and asked me to chill. And the sunflower..eventually got around to it :P
By Seven, everybody moved to the terrace, and surprisingly enough everybody had done a bloody darn good job at looking Retro! My cousin sister was in Del too, so she kicked up some dresses with us too! The girls looked gorgeous and the guys were absolutely handsome! So finally the party kick started, food, games,DANCE! It was crazy when Rob enters with his bomb. He hands me his gift, I open it, and I see a charcoal sketch of me... yes, he sketched ME. And that was what he was hiding in his room,locked since what? a week I guess. My mouth was struck open for the second time and finally when I did compose myself, all he did was shrug and smile,followed by a biggggggg hug.. Even now when I think about it I get the chills. It's gorgeous, and.. I don't think anyone's ever bothered sketching me,before. So yeah. I reached cloud Nine. Also, the Khandelwal sisters got me another divine frame of pictures that I'd wanted since time immemorial! They've always been pros at them - "Making birthday frames since 1994" ;)
All the gifts were gorgeous, most of the gifts were emotional. SO very emotional. And exotic (Vantz and Shiiiv ;) and a lottt of literature and nose studs :P (Stuti,Joy,Neha,Sheks,Chiks), diaries <3 (Kanishka), perfumes (Chatur), Chocolates! (Mantaaah), etc etc, the list goes on!
..............We all danced into the night. I danced with my favorite ladies on the most cheap 60's songs ever! And the awkward boys who took so much effort to dress up eventually came around to dancing their butts off too! :P
The birthday cake was cut, with the birthday song, followed by my ladies singing me out patent song "Sweetie" :-P
Then,I was blindfolded and was taken downstairs to discover a huge Projection screen set up. Everyone was giggling and I had NO idea whatever was up.. And then, started a slide show. A slideshow that my sister made for my birthday, starting from pictures right when we were kids to now when we were grown ups.. and that's it, I couldn't stop, I burst into tears! After what seemed like eons of hugging and sniffing, we all went back upstairs carrying on with dinner and dessert.. Some more dancing,some more talking.. and slowly people started hugging me goodbyes.
And then started another few hours of Family Partying with lovely dinner and post-birthday photos :P
.....and then once the party was over and I was back in my shorts, I get a call from Milda to come down. The party never really stops when she's around now does it? :)


And so, after what seemed like another few decades of things I don't even remember, I hit the bed. Content. Happy. And High.
High to best birthday ever, to those 17 friends who made it with a lot of difficulties just to be there on my day, to my family who worked so very hard to just see me smile like a child and to just someone out there, who's been watching me all along.
Here's to the best birthday cake of all the 17 crazy, wild,insane years and still counting!

This is to all of you, All of you who wished,who were there,and those who wished to be.... cheers :)

There were too many pictures and they'd take up ages to upload on Blogger, so here's all of us. Together :)

-A 17 year old-Nil :}

And I'm 16.

My birthday started a few hours,no days,no months back before the actual date with people who make me feel the epitome of bliss right now.

My birthday started with me dreading it. With me being terrorised of being 16, laving behind 15 which was somehow apparently more.. kiddish to my own ears.

My birthday started with me hanging out with Rob in gk1 and pointing at every fancy thing and going "Robin. It's my birthday on the 12th" with a wide grin resulting to about a zillion eye rolls from him per hour.

My birthday started with me pissing my brother off with evil grins every time a new add of some cellphone came onto the TV cause he was going to buy me one with his first salary.  :)

My birthday started with my sister telling me what my grandmom told her to gift me for my 6th birthday before dying.

My birthday started with texts from people asking me what I'd like as a present, 15 days before the day :)

My birthday started with Niel remembering exactly what I wished for my present, and him getting me a coffee table book of The Beatles.

My birthday started with Robin remembering these random wishes of mine of stuff that I'd like to own- from silver jewellery to a Cafe Hard Rock Tee shirt, and getting me exactly those.

My birthday started with Neha and Shekhar taking me out to buy MY gift without me knowing :P  [yea man, you guys are SO smart] :P

My birthday started with Remya calling me up and going "Yaar dekh maine tere liye poem likha hai, ABHI sun warna....#$@$$$@#@$!!!" and her reciting the most beautiful poem one could ever imagine to be written on them.

My birthday started with Shivangi calling me up and going "dduuuuuuddeeee I'm sorry I COULD NOT wait any longer, you HAVE to listen to it!" and reciting me a little something she wrote from her heart that I wanted to bear hug her for.

My birthday started with Atreyi calling me up at 5:50am just to "chit chat" and then my dad walking me up and me walking sleepily like a zombie to the loo :P

My birthday started with me going to school, receiving a beautiful notebook from Remya and Oh so amazingly pretty cards from Saad and Manav :)

My birthday started with my friends randomly stopping in the school corridors, suddenly clapping and singing the Birthday song for me randomly,  making me go pink. :P  I love you guys!

My birthday started with me touching my parents and all the elder's feet.

 My birthday started with my family :)

My birthday started with me smiling so hard that me cheeks hurt! My birthday started with a lump in my throat when I realized that it doesn't matter how old or how new a friend is, 2 years and 3 months-- both are enough for someone to feel so strongly for you that you can hear the sincerity of love in their voices.

I realized that I might shout at Niel, Rob and Joy for not listening to me when I talk and being such boys  but actually I love being proven wrong by them when they end up checking the list of each and every word and wish of mine.

I saw the joy of my brother to have brought me a gift with his first salary and I felt my pride.

I realized how much of a kid I always will be, and that the age won't quite matter.
My birthday started with the 12th of July 1994, and won't end till these people and these feelings exist in me.

A happy birthday to myself :)