Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Dear mom and dad

Dear mom and dad,
Hi. It's 12:45am and I'm blogging, and you hate that. You hate the fact that I'm always up so late, working on something or the other glued to the laptop and earphones stuck to my ears. You dislike the fact that I'm so tech-savy. You dislike the fact that I text so much and am on the phone pretty often. You don't like it when I read novels till 3am in the morning, you disagree strongly with my sleeping cycle. You don't think I get enough sleep. You think I'm exploiting the limits to which my body and mind can take "it". 
And I agree. I am. But hey mom, I'm 16. That's how every teenager grows up. That's how your daughter will grow up. And I know somewhere behind all the shouting and the protests, you're okay with that. You know it's natural. 

Over the past few years, there's been so many transitions in me. The metamorphosis isn't over yet, and it shall continue for a while. And perhaps you're more aware of that fact than me. 
I'm in this phase where I feel like this tiny ant staring out to the world with dazed eyes. Extremely excited about what awaits me, and etremely scared at what I might have to go through in the journey of reaching my goals, as well.  I'm discovering places, people, emotions, paths, ideas that are new to me and become old by the clock ticking by in seconds. I'm extremely sorted and confused at the same time. I make mistakes. SO many of them in a single day.. and to be quite honest, I enjoy making them. For I have the liberty to, everybody does. That's how we learn the same lesson every time, only in different ways. I heard that thought from a dear friend of mine, and it really did leave an impact. I will keep making mistakes, and I'll keep learning, and forgetting, and learning again.
All I'm saying is, trust me. Trust your daughter with her decisions, she won't let you down :) 

I'm a happy person. I know I have the saddest face when I'm off, I know even more that it upsets you both more than anyone even if you don't show it all the time. But I need you to know that I'm content and satisfied with the person I am and with the person you have made me. Sure, I struggle to be something better everyday, and that fight will go on till the very last day of my life (god I'm just 16) ... but don't worry about how I feel about myself. You both have taught me to rely on emotions and rationality- both. You have taught me love. And perhaps that is why, I have a strong faith. A faith which is not about idols, gods or goddesses. . but about the fact that good things happen to good people. Sure, life can be unfair at times. But that's alright. What's life without a pinch of salt and sadness? We'd never learn to truly appreciate happiness then :) 

Mom...... you're the most amazing lady I've ever come across. The amount of strength your hands and heart hold, perhaps an army full of soldiers wouldn't be enough to substitute that. You've been just the right balance of strictness and easy-going. I might not tell you all of this when we fight, but it's important for you to know that I couldn't go a day without you. Even as I write this, I swear my eyes are moist and there's a weird lump in my throat. Your girl has always been the sentimental kinds, you can't blame her. She's seen so much of love and felt so much warmth. She's bound to be over whelmed! 

Dad.. you're my hero :)  I mean it. Perhaps if I could even be a quarter of the kind of person you are, I'd be the happiest person on Earth. It doesn't matter how young I was or how old you grow, you'd always be the strongest man I'd have ever come across. Your humanity and immodesty of the zillion achievements leave me in awe.. I look upto you so much, baba. I just really hope I can make you proud some day.

I respect the both of you with all my heart. I could never love anyone more. For all those years of childhood and all these years of difficult teens, I could never thank you enough for being there for me, always, rock solid. I could never equal up to the kind of living legends you are to my eyes, and I only hope to be like the two of you to my kid. 

Mom, I know you hate the fact that I don't take care of my skin. That I look so wild all the time. So unruly. So casual. "Such a boy" -- as you put it. But your daughter is growing up, and she'll learn all of it. And I know you know that better than me.
And dad, I'll try to give in more hours to math okay! .. That's a very tiny request compared to all the kilos of requests you've fulfilled for me :) 

I want you both to know that I'm a better person cause of the two of you. I'm writing this letter tonight because I feel it was important for me to let you both know a few facts and figures about your kid ;) 
Cause I know you guys are anxious and worried about me growing up, just like me :) 

Don't worry. I'm on my own, with your shadows never being out of sight. And that's going to keep me going to places we all hope for. I love you both, and I could never thank you enough for the unconditional support you both have given me- be it writing, dancing, studies, or whatever. You've been there, and the best part is, you've never disliked me making mistakes. You've just always taught me to be careful the next time and learn well the lessons that every mistake taught.
Maybe that is why, I'm bold enough to stand up for myself, shout a different opinion, and hope to make a difference. 
For hope is what keeps us going. :) 

I should go now. I promise I'll do only five.. okay ten more minutes of Facebook, and then go to sleep :)
Goodnight mom and dad,
see you tomorrow when you two try to drag me out of bed for school :) 

-Your only and only crazy daughter.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

.....of busy weeks and catching up :)

Hello there folks. So I've had a crazy week. It's been packed with something or the other to do, and I enjoyed it :) Cause it wasn't the pissed-off-busy, but happy-busy. Yes, I know, I know. I've stopped making sense. But that's what you can expect out of a sixteen year old after a week of madenning rush. Anyhow. The starting of the weekend was amazing. The movies and then dinner :) After quite a long time, I went back to being random and found an old friend, again. It was fantastic to get out in the cold and catch up about the randomest of facts. Haah, never mind that the chicken for the dinner sucked ;)
But it was nice. Informal. Laughs. Jokes. Memories. Thai food. Oh oh not to forget the last minute arguments at the ticket counter for the suddenly decided movie that ended up impressing the both of us.
I'm glad the craziness has started again :)

There was Atreyi's surprise birthday party,too. Damn was it nice! Her face was priceless when we girls showed up at her den and cut the cake at 12. All of us danced and hogged like pigs.. Not to mention the car ride that followed with nine people stuffed in one car :D

Oh and there was the Ramjas Annual debate yesterday that Remya and I went to. We did a pretty good job, and made it for the finals. And I got to know today that I also won the best interjector award. So yeah I'm happy about that :)

The cold's finally set in. I used to loathe winters.. I don't mind them so much anymore. Actually I've rather started to enjoy them. Ofcourse, it's a little odd when I have everybody on the road staring at me wearing a half sleeves tee with jeans while these guys are already out with their winter woolens, but whatever. The breeze is actually pretty nice and pleasant :)

Went over to Shiv's after a loooong time,today. Haha had the speacial maggi after a bloody long time.
I might be going to Raghu Dixit's concert tomorrow, but not quite betting on it yet. Eco paper on Monday :|
There's a reason why everybody hates Mondays. No seriously, I think it should be banned. For that matter I think we should only have Fridays, Saturdays, and a LOT of Sundays :D
I'm going to be starting on a book on photography tonight :) (If economics allows it) should be fun. I've been out of touch for a while.. Infact, I've been out of touch from a lot of things. I should really get back, perhaps this year I'd get back to all of it. I hope to. :)

SO. You guys update me with what's been up?! I'm totally over the morbid, anti-social mood, and am all set for all the unanswered texts,calls,emails! How's the weekend going, guys?
Update update updateeeeeeee!
Okay, so it's past midnight, and I'm sleepy. So gnite, World. I shall wake up and ramble tonnes more tomorrow morning :)

Sweet dreams,

Saturday, November 13, 2010

From a forgotten writer.

  From a forgotten writer

They say the days of fame are over for me,
I have grown old to the pen that was once my slave.
They say my verses are grey now,
my writing isn't living and awake anymore, as it used to be..
It sleeps. 

I see so many pseudo writer boys now..
all of them dazzle...dazzle to the flashes of the cameras.
The emotion to sign is resigned to an expensive Parker,
while the old fountain pens are forgotten...

I lived an era,
an era long enough to truly find readers.
Readers for whom literature doesn't end..
Readers for whom writers like us begin.

From a forgotten writer,
to a remembered world..
cheers to you,
cheers to you for abandoning my words,
for else, I would have never seen the evidence of the ones who truly remember.

Thank You, World.
You are too big, for me to exist.
And too small,
to engulf me.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

I just stopped by to say Hi.

I'm sick of finiding myself blogger templates. I need something that suits me, and I can't find it. It's useless.
I've been in a morbid, completely anti-social mood. For reasons that you wont blame me for. I'm getting annoyed when poeple are poking me about what's been up, because I'd really appreciate being left alone in a quiet bubble with loud music right now. Okay that makes no sense.
I'm going to ramble. So you have the choice of not reading it.
Are you still reading this? Whatever. Okay. Then, listen.
I don't want to go to school tomorrow. The four day long vacation has been... not a vacation at all. This Diwali was a bitch. A bitch that was almost like the world celebrating my agony. Almost everyone-including me- expected a bloody sentimental post after it, but my mind had other plans. And that was ramble. And that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'm taking space.
I'm exhausted with my head ramming over things that are just ending up screwing my head up. The song by Beatles- "Let it be" has and is going to be my motto for a while- till I get my shit together.
I have stopped giving a damn to people who don't give a damn about being there for me when I need them. And well.. I'm basically done with acting all Mother Teresa like. You want me to give a damn? You need to give a damn about me, other wise, Ciao. No seriously.

I should be doing Math now. I have tuition after school tomorrow. My tuition teacher is determined to make my life miserable.
I went and spent a LOT of time at my sisters' place today.. after a long time. It was amazing. And.. for once.. I wasn't bothered about the number of calls/ texts I was getting.
For all of you who I haven't responded to- I'm sorry. I shall get back to you guys soon, very soon. Just cut me some slack for a while, and we shall catch up in no time.

I realized mango ice cream is awesome. I realized that at times, it's okay to shut up and just.. be.
I'm excited to meet an old friend. But I'm just not excited about meeting people.
Yes, I'm so not making sense right now.
I want to huddle up in a blanket and sleep. I've been sleepy and cranky and not hungry at all since about two days. I hate eating. It makes me puke. And shit I sound so weird.
But sleep is good. Sleep is awesome.

I was watching 2012 today. I thought Mayans are stupid. I don't anymore. Actually maybe I still do. I don't care, right now. The movie disturbed me, and that did not help.
I've decided to not keep in touch with people who call me only when they  need help.
No offence intended.

I'm going to go do some Maths right now, because my life sucks :)
I hope assholes like people who pick on 16 year old's pockets go and burn in hell.

And to the rest of you, the World.
My next post shall be much more calmer, sensible, and would have less BS.



P.S- This post was about saying Hi, right? Well, Hello.