Recess and school uniforms :)

11th grade has had its pace, now :)

So it started with me smiling wiiiiiiideeeeeeeee on the first day going "OMG OMG OMGGGGGGG" just cause I'd crossed The boards :P  [Now I realize what a 9 year old I was to have thought them a big deal]  

I was finally studying what I wanted to [ I mean hello, NO MORE CHEMISTRY!!!!!! :O], I didn't have a class teacher who hated me secretly anymore [lol Mathur, i hope you die in hell], I was rid of tonnes of losers from our class [yay, for rem and me :P] OH AND CAUSE I WAS IN 11TH GRADE ALREADY! [that's more than enough of a reason], and I just realized I've been adding brackets after everything [but that's okay :P ]

right.

so since 11th started, I've made new friends, mended old friendships, PARTIED (Oh yes!!), had  Thee best  sweet 16 party at home with family and a post celebration of remya, megha and my sweet16 at Kartu's with school friends, I mean wow that party was Killer. 

And then there was Anajalee's 17th which was-- :OOOOOOOO ohmygod so awesome. We danced our heels off okay! 

Then Remya and I were bombarded [literally] with competitions- which we thoroughly enjoyed :) [yes, we got to miss classes, most of them] .>:)

Anndd ofcourse, few of us got the super cool "honor ties" of the prefectorial board. Which just adds a sexy look to our school uniforms ;)

But then there was also notebooks and pens to write and figure the syllabus out with, but skipping that annoying part :P 

So all in all, 11th has been good till now. I don't think I have EVER bunked so much as I am, right now, but I guess everything has its own time right? [thank god my parents don't read my blog] :P

But, I've never felt more like Myself  than I feel right now :D    A lot has been going on at my end, trust me guys. Good things, and bad things. Changes, from the heart and the mind. 

Things have been shattering down and falling back together in place. I've sometimes become blank with confusion, but sometimes, I've surprised myself with the way I've handled things. 

And I've slowly [still in the process] started accepting the fact that I'm growing up. But it doesn't seem so crappy anymore :) Maybe cause that fact never takes away those who're close to me, or doesn't fundamentally change me or my ideas. And just as long as I don't change from the original routes of my heart, I'm content in accepting change :)

And oh I can tell, the next two years of school [my last two years, HOLY SHIT] are going to be the best, ever. I'll make sure of that, and when you're adamant, the whole world conspires against all the odds for you to reach that goal. Just as long as you have a crazy wide 5- year old- like smile on your face :)

Andddddddddddd, before I forget, guys, I'd like to introduce all of you to my Sister Clone's blog that I'm sure you'll all thoroughly enjoy reading! She's a beautiful writer, and her words surely echo for a while after you've read her stuff. Ladies and gentleman, presenting my sister clone [yes I'm serious EVERYTHING about us matches] -- Shivangi Sud-- you'll find her blog Here. 

Happy reading!

So, all of you there! don't feel too old or too young! Just feel like yourself, and that should be more than enough for you guys to just smile and go "Ohhhh what the heck!"  :D

Much much muchhhh love,

and rainy downpours and the brightest of sunshines,

your's only,

Nil :)

Yeah loser, it's your birthday!

Since two years, I've crossed all limits of being the epitome of crazy retardness with a partner in crime. She used to be The new girl  back in 9th grade, when she joined our section for the first time. Then we became seat partners [as kindergartenish as that sounds] then slowly aquaintances, friends, to closest of buddies.

I never thought we could belong to the same world. There was something in both of us, that was so different and poles apart. To gel those two different equations was to over rule one of them. Both of us were strongly opinionated, so there was no question of being submissive. Her take on things were quite different to what I might have done, my out-going, 24/7 laughing-self was something that was way different to her- sober in her own world.
But I guess that's where fate's mythical existence pokes its way in, and twists and turns everything you and I might have figured as a future. With time, we started bonding. With time, I started realizing that she's not even half the person I thought she was, and vice versa. With time, I realized that her friends weren't that different to what I relate to as "friends". And slowly, they were my pals,too.

Everything takes time. Our friendship did,too. I figured our tastes matched a lot, I realized that she can be crazier than me and even more wild! I experienced the fun of have THE MOST pointless and cracking up-ly funny conversations on the back of notebooks during History class. I cherished laughing out loud with her at the lamest of jokes some porn-addict in our class cracked. I felt the excitement of looking forward to school,to meet friends, and enjoy those 6 hours that were apparently called schooling hours. 
We figured, we were so similar   brain twins. 

And I must admit, as freaky as that can get, it can be good fun,too.  We've had our share of issues, and I'm hell sure they're tonnes more to come :P But hey, we stick our way through it, right? That's how it gets better and better with every fight ;)

So here's to you, Remya Raj. It's been a joy ride, these two years. You've helped me discover and over come a lot. You've helped me find a trust in people. You've helped me figure, that it's not always about how screwed up things are, but how we un-screw it.
I'm glad WE happened :)

Happy Birthday, babe. 

Here's a toast, for my closest pal.

God bless you.

:)

 
-Much much love,
your only retarded friend,
Bongo.

28th June, 2010.

A happy sight to see.

I'd gone and meet a close friend today, after my dance rehearsals. It was all very random, and we ended up chatting for three whole hours, when I was supposed to be there for hardly a half hour. But I guess that's how it is with  pals, it gets hard to figure how time flies away in the zillion things you need to talk about and catch up on.
So by the end of the third hour, I figured I had to rush home, so I hugged her bye, and promised to meet up soon. I left with a really happy mood, feeling good about something that was unknown to me,too. But somehow I knew I figured a way to make things fall back into place.
And I thank her for that..

So I was sitting in the auto, coming back home, when my ride happened to stop for half a minute in the traffic, and I saw two pairs of little converse worn feet in another side of a gate, sitting on something, swinging happily and dancing whenever the water sprinkler from the other side of the garden would wet them. I could tell the kids weren't older than 10... Weirdly enough,I didn't even see the faces or the upper body of those kids.. But it was something about how happily their wet legs swung together, reflecting smiles and excitement. I could hear the happy squeals, but before I peeped out of my auto to have a closer look, my auto whoomed away!
But through out the ride, and till now, it's just that one flash of an image that keeps making me smile.
I haven't seen a better picture of friendship before. I haven't :)
And I'm just so glad I did today, cause as random and trivial as this sounds, I know that, that image of those happy feet swinging together is something that I'd remember through out my life, and it'll keep reminding me of good and happy times I cherish today, and the one's I forever will :)

(I couldn't click a real picture, but this one from the internet is close enough! ;)

Keep good,you guys.
And stay happy :)

Much love,
Nil. 

Shillong :)

So after a whole year's planning and phone chats, and emailing, finally, my trip to Shillong happened.
It was supposed to be a runaway from the Delhi citylights ,the honking, the PHONE and people.. And it did, in it's true sense.
I still remember the first day, my sister and I met at the airport and i went ;
"Dude..my phone, it isn't catching the signals here, sucky network in the airport'eh?"
"Err.. babe pre paid Vodafone doesn't work here in North East"
:|
:|
:|
"WHATTTTT!!!!!!"

So after quite a drama queen like scene at the airport itself I settled back, sanely. [Liar,much!] We had a long trip from Guwahati to Shillong, nicely caught up on sleep, chatted, looked around Shillong..and then got home :)
The next day my sister and I were on for a movie marathon, so we pretty much were glued to the screen for about 14 hours, YES 14 FREAKING GALLOPING HOURS!
Everyday in the morning, the only thought that came to our head was "So how do we waste our time today?!" :D ... We were busy doing nothing at all, all we did was shop like crazy, movies, walking, smiling at the whole bunch of greenery around us and have fun.. :)

Shillong felt so much like home.. My sister, Raima and I spoke till late nights, we caught up on everything that had been up in our lives... it rained every two hours [!!!!] and well.. what can I say? ... It was bliss.

I visited family, and another sister of mine, Stuti.. We guys went for movies, shopped, and were busy being random about everything =D
Soon, that visit came to an end..

With not even a shout of drum rolls, 11 days flew by and then came the last day.
The day went by pretty normaly, but there was one thing that made me stop and think and look again.
It was 4am in the morning, and I was standing on the balcony and what I see is a range of black mountains running covered with the silvery of clouds in it's silhouettes. The wind blew ferociously, and I pretty much froze where I was and looked in awe.

It's true that Shillong changed me.
I realized, These 11 days weren't just about shopping and movies. These 11 days gave me a much awaited space, and a disconnection from people that I needed. I got time to sit idle. I got time to just think about a yellow ladybird I saw sitting on a wall. I got time to think about stuff I had left back in Delhi.
I got time to waste time.
I got time. A lot of it. 

Now I'm back, back in the heat. Back in the honks, the busy roads, and the star less sky at night.
But I still remember the little trivialities about life in a small town, and I can't help but smile, cause I got what I needed.
I got my break, and now I'm ready to kick some ass!! ;)

So you guys take care, and go get your break!;)

Some random pictures for you to have a look at- :)

Random Shillong.

Raima and Me :) 

Much love.

-Nil.

Time. And it's rendevous.

Now playing- Layla, Eric Clapton.

After listening to this song, again after about a year, I figured how much I missed it. And I found a completely different newfound energy rushing its way through me, that ditto feeling I had when I heard it a year back. Some things never change :)
It's almost like I can see the person I used to be a year back when I hear this song, I wasn't anything drastically different, but I can see there were things missing then, which are nicely and accurately placed into my canvas of life, today.

The song made me happy. It made me celebrate. It made me sing. It made me find a friend. What more can I say? :)

Time travels pretty much at the speed of light..We travel faster, hence we never quite realize its speed :) When I saw this old oldddd album in a friend's Facebook profile today, I almost laughed at those good times, they truly were good good times!  I was euphoric when I realized that over time, I met people, I changed, the world around me changed, and yet at those moments when fate twists it, we sit in a rendevouz with it, we can clearly see what we left behind, yet- they complete our existance,and were somehow never actually left behind.

So many people were strangers, two years back- Now, they're friends - maybe closer :)
So many were trusted friends, two years back- Now, they're strangers- maybe worse.
So many places were unknown and foreign, back then- Now, they're almost home :)
So many places were home back then- Now, they're foreign.

Today seems to be a rendevouz. And I'm having a good time remembering those times and moments, when life seemed oh so perfect -that make life truly imperfect,today- And I'm happy :)

For old time's sake,
a rememberence,a picture- of a time that still is one of the bests of my lfe ;)

- Much much love and memories,
Nilanjana.
:)

Monsoons.

After a long long time, I smiled the moment I stepped out of my place in the evening. The weather almost seemed to be laughing with nice cool winds blowing here and there. The sky seemed to be in a blanket of a silvery of clouds shading the earth beneath it. And making people realize that monsoons are on it's way.

Hi guys, I know I know it's been ages and centuries since I last updated.  But I haven't really had the time. School's a rush with competitions and friends. I like it tonnes! Like, it's almost like I'm finally doing what I wanted to. My teachers for his grade are pretty good.. And well, I like my class :)

So back to where I was, MONSOONS  are coming! If you don't know already, they're my favorite part of the year. As cliched as it sounds, I'm crazy about the rains! The downpour and the sounds of the pitter-patter on the window.. Everything gets lush green, and there's a different smell of freshness all over the city! And  I see kids wearing raincoats in the morning looking all excited, dirtying their newly polished shoes in the crack of the day. The wide smiles that those lil kindergarten kids give with their tiny selves all wet, their hair sitting flatly on their foreheads and their eyes expressing awe and wonder on an apparent phenomenon that "he up there" did. And that very faith makes them shut their eyes tightly at night with folded hands praying hard for all the oh so important things around them :
"Please keep mommy and daddy happy"
"Please please please make mommy buy me the red car that the thin boy in my class has"
"Please god, tell mommy not to make me eat broccoli in the morning :( " 
"God please keep everybody happy and oooh I want a pink barbie dress for Christmas! Tell Santa please okay god?! Good night God :) "

This faith ^ is monsoons.. The fact that after a dry, drab time of sweat, the sun, the heat, or the sheet of winters... The heaven right up above the zenith shall give us our little play time  in between the on going classes of Life. 

And during this play time, we forget our wrinkles, our medicines, our home work, our PPT  presentations....... And dance around in this game of faith, blessing each drop making it's way from the clouds and kissing us smiles and happiness.. 
:)

Happy On-the-way-Monsoons, all of you guys!

- Much love,

Nil. 

To let go?

The school gate closed behind me.
It was the last day,I'd ever wear a uniform and have the green gate to welcome me. Remya stood in front,anxious and prepared for a sudden breakdown. Alijah was consciously kidding around, trying to ease the tension of warring thoughts in everybody. Kartavya,trying his best, to look away and smile every time a tear threatened to escape.
I stood there,looking at the abnormal chatter, the curse-less jokes, the nervous laughs from Charu and Shreyansha, the forced laughs and pats, as a fresh layer of tears blinded my horizon.
I blinked it away, turned back and stared at the gate. The Guard gave me a smile, he liked me as a kid.
My report card,bent in the pressure of my fingers, and the tiny form in it- My immigration form. 

Those flashbacks of Remya and I dreaming of Hollywood and Beverly Hills, and of anywhere abroad... Kids that we were... those countless number of times when we wished a life away from the roofs of India, and those careless jokes about going away.
All the words and conversations started buzzing in my ear, my eyes couldn't focus and my body-a vegetable.
Monica caught me just as I was about to slip, I shock back to the world around me; "I'm fine." 
I said,as my friends rushed towards me.

My parents were waiting in the other side of the road in  the car. My bags packed. Our bags packed.

"You gonna be fine babe?" Remya asked, fear reflected her glassy eyes.
"Yeap."


Was this really happening? Was I leaving for good? After 15 years of these guys, do I leave all this behind, and embrace a new place,a new nationality? What am I without these people? What am I without the laughter,the jokes,the love,the empathy,the honesty and being of these people?
Was this worth it?

My father honked.
Kartavya started crying. Right in front of me; "You don't know what you're doing man. You don't"
I didn't. And I said that to him.


I looked at these friends,one last time. I tried to see through,and feel the love and warmth that each one of them emitted for me. But I knew I wasn't strong enough to cater the needs of my heart by a memory of the eyes of each.
I knew,I wasn't strong enough to let these guys know,that I'd miss them and cry bitterly for them. I wasn't strong enough to let these guys know,that I was leaving for good, and this was the last time we were standing together- ever. Life would do us apart the minute I sat on the plane.
Cause I knew,that I wasn't strong enough to start a new beginning with memories from the past that'd tear my heart  in and out to go back to those moments,and freeze in them forever.

I sat in the car,
and looked back with endless cold tears on my face,looking at these bunch of people who bid me goodbye. Who loved me,even though I had decided to be blind,deaf and dumb to that love from now on.

When I landed on the Berlin airport,
I smsd Remya ; "There's no way,I'm letting go off you guys. See you next summer,babe."


----------------------------
When people give you love unconditionally and never ask for you to return it, your heart rests in peace only after that love is returned and held on to,for the rest of your life.
Letting go,isn't that easy. And at times,no matter how ardent the thought is, you figure that the weakness in you becomes the strength to hold on, forever, and ever in life....

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**************

DISCLAIMER: I am very well here,very much in India. This post is purely fictitious. Real names of my friends just helped me feel myself in those imaginary shoes :)

Volcano-Damien Rice.

"You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea"


At times,a song is all you need to feel different, distinguished,independent.. So many things,that we carve spellings of in our minds, but realize the feelings a little less than we should. 
Was listening to a song called Volcano by Damien Rice.. The funny part is, the song might not leave a message of the feeling you end up with, but nevertheless helps with the tune..The melody.
What I feel now, is like I'm a 15 year old individual, a girl who can take risks and not blame another for it,someone who's strong,capable,and happy. Tad bits of sadness,that just increase the reality of the elated feeling. And all this is a result of the tune,just the tune and harmony of the song. No,not the lyrics, few lines to an extent..Like the one I mentioned in the beginning of the post.. 


I feel like I'm back to myself a year back. So many things were different. I was so different. I've changed..beyond my own recognition. Some things,changed in me for the best, but to bring out that best,I've had to let go of things I loved about myself. I miss those habits. I miss my carefree-self. I miss not caring a damn about anything,and just doing it. And then smile wildly at myself and go "Yeah!!!" .
I'm still a kid, 15 years is younngg. I know. I still am carefree, I still do things on whims,but I've sobered down. A lot. I'm not reckless. I'm patient in things that I never dreamt off. Some of the best things happened to me in the past year. And no matter how contradicting I sound to myself, but the best things come with a price you pay. 


Exactly now, that I'm writing this post, I sound so different and alien to myself  when I compare with who I was a year back. 
But I guess,only thing that's constant is change. 


I miss my old self,but I like myself now,too. 
So I guess,I'll walk right ahead. And maybe bring back a bit of my older self, cause abandoning it seems unfair. I'll adventure,again. Break some rules,again, to smile at myself wildly and day "Yeah!!" and never regret it. Cause I think I've forgotten my own philosophy lately.. To break free ;)


You guys, go get some fun and adventure. 
Screw office/collage/school for a day. Go have fun, be a stupid kid :)

All my love,
Nil. 

A blissful celebration :)

Hi.

I'm sorry haven't updated in a while,but it's been busy. So, today I got my admit card for the Boards.. I might sound absolutely crazy when I say this,but to a normal student this day should be a doom day? If not more. Cause getting the Admit Card gives you the green signal to enter an alien school,sit in an unfamiliar, uncomfortable bench and write an exam that is one of the most valued-through out your life.

But somehow,my neurons didn't seem to register that. They royally ignored the fact that this coming exam would be like crossing a mile stone in my life, or that there are people out there waiting for me to do well..None of that. Instead,I felt happy.

[This is the part where you trigger the gun]

My class teacher--the very one I hate- made me sign the documents and gave me my admit card along with the Apeejay Badge. She stuffed in curd and a sweet into my mouth and recited the same dialogue that she recited to all the other 47 kids- "Do well haa beta? You'll do very well!" and then she added a "Keep up with the writing,haa,Nilanjana!" to me. 

I knew she was waiting to get into her car,get home and take a nice hot bath. And that she didn't care a damn to what I wrote,and yet, I smiled. I liked what she said. 

[This is the part where you shoot me.]

So after that,I went to the staff room,to get some Astronomy stuff from a teacher who apparently went maniacal looking for me through out [In my friend,Suvriti's lingo]. And when I went, there were teachers who called me and wished me luck, and 2 of the Bengali teachers looked like they'd kiss me if they could to wish me luck. Remya's mom was a sweetheart,to me. Even the man-looking lady teacher [New lady,I have no clue who she is] wished me luck with a hearty smile and a half hug.

And Thennnn,came one of the people who I actually bother school for- Suman Anand ma'am. 

If you're new to my blog,let me tell you that she is the teacher who discovered my writing in lesson answers and spelling punishments. You can read her contributions in my life by reading  this and then this  .

Few weeks back I had given her a poem to read.. So today,she starts with; "You know Nilanjana...At times I wonder,how some people can just reflect so much about their thoughts and the depth of the world at such a tender age..." and then another kind teacher,Mrs.Amita Jaisingh  said "She really does have a powerful flair of writing you know!" and then the two teachers started appreciating my poem with me melting in blushes. But you know guys,no matter how funny and embarrassing these things might be,today once again I've realized that I truly am blessed to have known such teachers in my life,who're silent most of the times,but speak up when you need encouragement the most. Suman Anand ma'am hugged me,and said; "no matter what you do,where you go,or where I am,I need you to keep in touch with me and keep writing...Keep writing because you're gifted and I might not be here next year,but keep in touch to let me read your writing!"

I feel blessed yous. I truly,truly feel blessed. 

Today,I celebrate my bliss and my gratitude to all those teachers and yes,my school which has helped me acquire heights that I could only dream off. These teachers have made me dream,realize,and execute.

Here's to you, Suman ma'am.

:)

With the pencil,you have not only taught me a subject...You've taught me love,compassion,music,art,the world,and myslef. Love to you,ma'am.

All my love

-The girl who had a terrible handwriting and made spelling mistakes :P

Award No.2 ! :O

This second, extremely precious award is from my darling darling friend The West Wind. In a very short and tiny span of time,she and I have become pretty good friends. I'm so glad. She's to be treasured, and so is her writing. Honest and sincere.
One heck of a talented lady,
thank you very very much for this very kind award.

I proudly hold up my award now! ;)


        
      

                      Awarded by
                          Annyesha
                        to Nilanjana
                  

      
*imaginary swishing with the award*

Haha,Thanks darling. Thanks a ton :)

After a wretched week.

• After a really wretched week, I had a good day today (:

My week consisted of nothing but ;

• Textbooks


• Notebooks


• Tension


• Anxiety


• Feeling of incompetence


• And every other horrible feeling possible

Today,though, I had a pretty okayish -more to the better side- of a day. Didn't go to school,did my part of textbooks for a day,and spent time with people that made my day better. ((: I'm working on a project for now, with mum ranting on about my dinner lying cold on the table. Dad giving me looks that explain his sadness for the lack of response from kids today. Brother, out. Well,so pretty much a normal day,yea.

Had my moments too, have them everyday : Don't know how I manage them,but well, I do. about 100 days to Boards.

Heh.

I'm laughing. I have no clue why. That's been happening lately, whenever I hear the B word. xD

Anyway, I have to go.

I have plans of texting Remya and terrorozing her to ditch school tomorrow :)

You guys,have fun. And yeah, never bother to be in a Board [LAUGHS] year. It's better you'd turn into a hippy and discover the world with flat sandals and spegatties *_*

Sigh. Fun

Gnite,people.

[P.S- a random picture.]

Back for a quick post!

Hello my faithful readers,
back on blog after quite a vacation of studies :/ You guys must be wondering whatever became of my last post, but I deleted them cause they where SO morbid : They just screamed sadness everytime I looked at them :P

So anyway, coming back to What's up? :D
Nothing. :
Quite a bit of textbooks and novels.. with the usual loafing around.. occasional mood swings.. and ofcourse! Brilliantly hilarious books like "2 States"! [<--- A must read. By Chetan Bhagat] Today was an abnormal day which made it normal. Ditched school, the best part. Annddd.. just usual wasting time. Disclaimer-- I'm sorry guys, it's a really pointless post today cause there isn't really anything up to be Omg about : So bear with me, or just go to Facebook and utilize your time xD So yeah, coming back to my day. Nothing very fruitfull. [hah! humor me :P ] Ditching school tomorrow,too. It's just my lucky week xP I've been doing alot of writing lately, came uo with 3 short stories. And this poem called "Avatar". I'll put it up,soon. Onto serious considerations of getting a book launched by Aamir Khan. [Joke intended to only a dear friend Milda :PP-- who is dilema struck cause of all the celeb best friends she has :P ] -- I love you, you can add me in your will if you get married to any of them =D ^^ You can add me other wise, too : P Heehee. AAAAAAAMMMIIRR KKHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN *_* Okay, sorry, going over-board and loud xD But... AAAAMMIIRRR KKHHAAAAAANNN!!!!! :))

Okay, okay.
Done. :P

Well, I should get back to the other un productive things I'm upto :D
Bye y'fellows!

Be back soon ;)


[P.S-- Aamir Khan :P ]