My 18th year was going to end with the end of this blog, because I firmly believed that all good things came to an end. And it was best that way, for it left you with the prime of every feeling, and not the remnants of those feelings fading away.
But a rather wise friend convinced me otherwise. And perhaps, she's right. Because I was holding on to this blog for the same reason, all this while; it's the one constant proof of my life to have never waited for all the happiness and chaos. It just went on, and you all saw, along with me. And perhaps, that's what gives us all hope to realize everything passes; every day, no matter how downtrodden or euphoric it may be... passes. And you live through it, don't you? In fact, you cherish most of it. You not only cherish, but you goddamn love most of it. And the bits that you'd rather not say... pass. And you grow, because each and every emotion, each and every thought, each and every blink, and each and every broken smile pealed another layer off you. It revealed some more of you, to the world, but most importantly; you saw yourself even clearer, you were just that much stronger, standing tall.
You ought to unfurl. You ought to wither away. Because only then, would you have gasped for some air, and only then.. would you have breathed.
Here end the first 18 years of my life, and I'm breathing because I'm on my own, and I'm good.
Year 18, you were the longest and the most entwined road I could ever choose. But I'm glad you happened, because you spelled one thing out for me, for sure; that one phase of my life is over, and the one that's about to come will be that much crooked. And I better twist and turn along, to make myself exactly what I want to be made of. I'm glad you happened, because you spelled out disappointments in a way that no other year has ever, for which I'm ready to appreciate every bit of happiness that decides to show up.
It's important to be happy, it's important to be happier, and it's important to be happiest; but what is absolutely crucial, is to be happy. :)
Happy birthday, to me.
I hope I get a New York cheesecake.
-Nil.
But a rather wise friend convinced me otherwise. And perhaps, she's right. Because I was holding on to this blog for the same reason, all this while; it's the one constant proof of my life to have never waited for all the happiness and chaos. It just went on, and you all saw, along with me. And perhaps, that's what gives us all hope to realize everything passes; every day, no matter how downtrodden or euphoric it may be... passes. And you live through it, don't you? In fact, you cherish most of it. You not only cherish, but you goddamn love most of it. And the bits that you'd rather not say... pass. And you grow, because each and every emotion, each and every thought, each and every blink, and each and every broken smile pealed another layer off you. It revealed some more of you, to the world, but most importantly; you saw yourself even clearer, you were just that much stronger, standing tall.
You ought to unfurl. You ought to wither away. Because only then, would you have gasped for some air, and only then.. would you have breathed.
Here end the first 18 years of my life, and I'm breathing because I'm on my own, and I'm good.
Year 18, you were the longest and the most entwined road I could ever choose. But I'm glad you happened, because you spelled one thing out for me, for sure; that one phase of my life is over, and the one that's about to come will be that much crooked. And I better twist and turn along, to make myself exactly what I want to be made of. I'm glad you happened, because you spelled out disappointments in a way that no other year has ever, for which I'm ready to appreciate every bit of happiness that decides to show up.
It's important to be happy, it's important to be happier, and it's important to be happiest; but what is absolutely crucial, is to be happy. :)
Happy birthday, to me.
I hope I get a New York cheesecake.
-Nil.
Happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your wise friend convinced you to keep this place. You're right: one thing I love about blogs is how they grow with you and remind you that "This too shall pass"
Thank you Ghadeer! Yes, yes. Me, too :)
DeleteSmart friend you have there :)
ReplyDeleteOh hella, yes. :)
DeleteHappy birthday, awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteIt would have been sad, had your friend not convinced you to not stop writing.
Why, thank you! Kind, much much,you (:
DeleteHappy birthday missy, I miss you <3
ReplyDeleteZeeeeebs! Thank you, and I miss you, too! Where have you beeeeeen?
DeleteHappiest birthday love :)
ReplyDeleteYou made it Happy. :*
DeleteHappy birthday, youuu :)
ReplyDeletePeaaabs, thenkyew!
DeleteHappy Birthday Nil, though a little too late now, but still. As for your friend, she's right.
ReplyDeleteWhen I gave up on my blog once did I realize I wanted to make it larger, and see, now I have a slightly bigger website (it's more of multiple thought streams in one place).
I wish you the very best of luck, and the best of your last teen :)
Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete
Thank you so very much! It's so good to see you here, haven't seen you around my space in a while. Please do keep visiting, and congratulations on your website!
DeleteCheers :)
I am so sorry I missed this post!!!! Happy belated birthday to you.. hope you had a super duper awesome time! :)
ReplyDeleteI've wanted to give up on my blog on multiple occasions, but after being at it for half a decade, you end up coming back anyway. My blog remains testimony to how MUCH I have grown over these years - how much I have learned, how much I have overcome and how much I have hung on to. These things are so important for me.. making me happy that I decided to blog in the first place.
Cheers,
Annie.
Thank you so much, Annie!
DeleteYes, I'd like to go with everything you said. At some level, it's important to know where you came from and how you grew up; helps you mature some more, and some times, turn right back into a kid. :)
I hope you do...did.
ReplyDeleteMay this years and the ones to come be a smurfilistically awesome collection of experiences!
:)
Thank you so much, Talitha!
Delete:)
"And I'm breathing because I'm on my own, and I'm good." Quoting this, Nil. Wish you the Happiest Birthday! :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, V. So very much. :)
Delete:D I visit after long just to say dare you ever think about leaving blogging :)
ReplyDeleteI love your words always, my love :))
Hahaha aw Nabzz. Thank youuu <3
DeleteYes, happy belated birthday to you, Nil. I'm happy to hear that you are going to continue the blog. And I hope you ate some cheesecake.
ReplyDeleteOh to Be a Muse
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