Sunday, December 27, 2009

The inheritance of loss.

This too,shall pass.

Yet again, I find the inheritance of loss. A loss that I had never inherited. I had lost everything.had nothing to lose. But then I found in the boulevard of broken dreams . . . .
The inheritance of loss.
I was never a girl of loss. I was always known as the girl of Victory.
A girl who always thought that by breaking some knees by playing football with guys will make her daddy proud. A girl who did not mind beating the lights out of someone if her brother got mocked by others for having a different nature.A girl who always wanted to be strong for her family, her friends and herself.
Never mind that sometimes my knees used to shake themselves. But I still knew that I would be able to stand stable and tall. Never mind that I used to get up at midnight and cry at times, but I always knew that I’d go back to sleep again and see a brighter day the next day. Because I always remembered what my mother said; “this too, shall pass. . .”
My mother passed away when I was 12. I was very close to her. She used to tell me all about life. The different faces, how to handle them. The various places she’s travelled around the world..The men she met, the friends she came across.Every morning she used to give me some piece of advice that would help me in life; somewhere, somehow. Her death was more like a death sentence, a silent torture to me. I did not cry in her funeral. When a drop of tear would come out of my eye, I would just wipe it off. Though the person affected the most in the family, was I. Because she was the only way of comfort to me. The only person to whom I could cry after acting strong the whole day.
I miss her. But now I have learnt how to live without her. I’ve also learnt how to cry now. And gather myself up after that. I know life now.
Jimmy; John Brown; my ex boy friend was a big support then. We met in Los Angeles when I went there for a student exchange program. I was pretty depressed. He was a student in the school I had gone for the exchange program. I stayed with his family, and gradually fell in love with him. Not the usual mush puppy love.Much of a sincere and faithful love.
We are really good friend now. He regularly writes to me about his life there and his girlfriend;Victoria he’s been steady with for 2 years now.He’s still my best friend, my first sweetheart, my first love. He’s still the best source of inspiration to me.
All my 3 brothers, and my younger sister are married, and have a lovely family to themselves. My father is doing okay, he enjoys being retired and at home; Doing something he always wanted to- Sing. Our family meets in family dinners.. Which always end up teary because dad misses mum a lot. I usually get up and hug him…I can smile when we talk of mum now. I’ve realized it’s okay.
With so many years passed..It’s been about 24.. If not anything, I’ve learnt just something very simple. I’m a woman, I’m 35,unmarried, a traveler, and pretty much the man of the family. I have learnt to be proud to inherit loss –Inherit loss from time, and have learnt that at the end of the day, every human inherits loss from life, in some way or the other. For some, it can be a sister dying, to some it might be losing a job, to some it might be an unsuccessful marriage. But somehow,someway,we all inherit loss. And to what we do with that is what we figure-what I did with mine was not suicide/ abandoning family/running away/denial; but I took it as an obvious something, and moved on. And that loss too, passed. Yes, it passed with time.
Move on, you guys. Let’s move on.

[P.S--the title "The Inheritance of loss" was a book by Kiran Desai which I never ended up reading..however I loved the name. Hence,used it :) just to let you guys know! ]


  1. I haven't read the book yet, but your post makes me want to. It would indeed be a very sad affair if something like that truly happens and I wouldn't wish it to anyone.

    You write well. And here's to hoping you also become the Girl of Victory forever.

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. I want to read the book,too. Yes,it will be a sad affair if so happens,but you see there were certain things I wanted to put forward, which evidently you've understood. :)

    Thank you,I'm glad you liked my writing :)
    And thanks to your hopes! I'll try to live up to it too!

  4. The book was excellent..a flair of Desai's usual..I read it when I was 13 or something..
    And yeah, good post Bongz :)

  5. It's not the best to get emotional ay the break of dawn when one's trying real hard to quicken up and finish a Lit.Essay yo. Cherr,I'm not drooling here,cause I know you'll get annoyed and reject calls to flaunt it yo :|
    You women.
    But, It's a beatutiful post Bratt.
    Seriously. A little in the pessimistic side in the beginning,but back to optimism at the end like you yo. :)
    Loved it Cherry,
    need you to keep writing yo! Make more magic :)

    Ol soon.

  6. @ Remya: Oh hey there,catching you after quite a while yo.. Where've you been!? everything smooth?

    Take care:)

  7. @ Remya: I have the book..Will read it :) Hey,thanks!

    @Ro: Heyyyyy :D Still online?! Is today your final date for the essay? Good luck if it is
    Heyy smart boy! Thanks for not going on and on about the writing :P Hey,I'm glad you liked it so much. And when you said "Make more magic" -- it made my day .
    Thank you :) I shall always keep writing.

    I'm online... Are youuuu?!

  8. @Nil: Have you considered writing as a profession yet?
    I promise you, I very honestly thought it was an extract from the book or something (I haven't read it either). But I should've known better.
    It was a wonderful post, and I love the fact that it was so insightful and true. Its one of the many things I love about the English language itself. It has the ability to use beautiful wording to express insights which spark of new, more personal insights in our mind; this can take us to many different levels. A new outlook, a new appreciation for just depends on us.
    leads a round of applause and keeps a sharp eye out to prevent anyone from throwing shoes
    Hats off to you !

  9. the first post i read and you shatter the drowsiness out of my eyes.
    have to read the book now.
    ps: you will become the victory girl. n i m not hoping. i dont hope. i believe.

  10. BIGGG HUGGGG cumin your way Nil :)

    dream babe and get winning at all of them :)

  11. this was beaaaautiful nil :)


    and im gonna rush to the nearest bookstore and get myself a copy!

  12. I bumped into your blog and honestly loved the way you wrote / write :)

    The other thing I found in common with you is the use of ~

    I love ~ too :)

    I do hope you don't mind being linked to my blog...

  13. @ Charu: My dear dear Charu,I seriously feel on top of the world for getting suvh sincere compliments for you,Thank you :) However,you're a good friend,you're a good friend,your opinion will be a little biased ;) So to your honest and innocent feeling,I bow :) But trust me,it's really not that awesome of a post!
    Thanks however :)

  14. @ Raj: Why thank you buddy,that was very nice of you :) I'm glad you liked my post,welcome to my blog! And thank you for believing in me so strongly!

    @ Sulagana: BIIGGG guh to you too!! Heyy there babe :) Thanks for that!
    Lots of love :)

  15. @ Ramit: On my way:)

    @oRange*: Awwwwww! Thank youuuu!
    mwah! :)

  16. @ Queenmatrai: Hey there! I'm glad you bumped into my blog,you should surely bump in more often ;)
    hahaa ~ is cool ;) Thanks for your appreciation~! :)
    Ofcourse I don't mind! I love it,rather! Keep in touch:)

    @LITTLE ON THE EDGE: Hi:) Thank you so very much:)

    Cheers to all of you guys who encourage blogspot!
    Love you all! :)

  17. Believe me mate, life is tough but tougher for some. You been through a lot so take heart better days will come

    Perhaps like me you too are lonely

  18. Hi there,perhaps you got me wrong..The post i wrote is fictional. But also buddy,I'm sure you're not a loner,none of us are :) We live on a blue planet with crazy number of people who fight for bread but struggle together to live together on soil.
    Trust me,nobody can manage to be alone here,even if they want to :)
    Take care there,pal.

  19. Really~!? Aww,I'm on my way to your blog :)

  20. u hv put the most basic feelings of human nature so easily in this post...very well written

  21. Hi Sid,Thank you :)
    Welcome to my blog!

  22. first time on your blog
    and yeah.. the first thing was
    "wow!! thats a write up with pretty neat flow"

    thanks for the nice read:)

  23. Why Thank you very much:) And welcome to my blog!

  24. Hi people...Bongz, m waiting..:|

  25. Cherr,Like,idk what to say anymore.
    That was beautiful. I mean,I'm just zonked. Yeah,I don;t know anymore =|
    I'm sorry.
    I'm just waiting for mum to read this. I can foresee her expression.

    Please tell me you're online? Cause calls cost me,and my phone's at stake cause of people like...

    Come onlineeeee

    Omg! finallaayyy!! How are you!?!!

  27. Heylo my women :) How've you all been?

    Wow,you both are fast on net :|

  28. @Mril: yaiee!!
    I'm totally cool with all the studies around me. Not.
    Waiting for Santa to fulfill my wishes..*winks*
    wats up at ur end?

  29. @ Cherry: Mwah :) I'm you woman xP
    I've been okayyish. Just waayy too much up! Yeah,a top up and I shall call you =P Omg! I MISSED YOUUUUU!!

    @Remya: Hahahah,same at my endd love :| Friggin SAMEE> My brother manages to make my mum figure I need to study more. HENCE.

  30. Thank you for remembering me you both. :|


  31. Gee,I'm not fast. If anything! =P
    ILY :*

  32. YES you aree!!! Anyway, chill. You study enough :) ro's just being a nerd ;)
    Where is he? Where are YOU?!

    @Remya: Hellooo??

  33. Wow...!!!
    M still laughing my ears out....
    Why's Mrill getting all lovey-dovey today?
    Still thinking...

  34. @ Cherr: ROHAAAAAAN is at school. He has a test today,HAH that bitch . I pray he fails.

    Okay,i know he won't. :|

    @ Remya: Haha,naah I just miss Cherr alot. Omg I miss Indiaaa! And I missed YOU too!!
    wow. I am SO Not lesbian.

  35. *Cross my heart and hope to die*

    Looks solemn


  36. aww. I missed you too!
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Rohaan--That bitch! I love you for that!!!


  37. That ratface IZ One.

    He's...just...a woman from inside. I'm telling you Cherr. He is.
    Awkward piece of hormone.

    @Remya: Where are youu prettayy!?

  38. Mrill...

    did you just say "Awkward piece of Hormone" ?


    fuck! That was so fuckin funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  39. @Mril: mahn..!!
    a "woman" from inside????!!!!???

  40. @nIL AND mRIL: dAMN!!!!
    "awkward piece of hormone"!!!???

    Gawd you're funny!!
    *twinkling eyes*

  41. @Both: I feel so awesome for being apparantly funny to both of you! =D
    I love you guys! =P

    I'll be leaving for school in a bit. rushin' late toddayy =D

  42. @Nil: we chose to write "bWAHAHA"
    at the same time..didya notice.?
    That's creepy.

  43. @Mril: heyy!!
    buh' you jst came!

  44. @ Rem: Hahahahahha. I knowww!!!
    That "Hormone" thing was so fuckin awesome!!! :DDDDD

    @ Mrill: Haha, you ARE funny! God,I miss Ro and your fights! Ask him to come online!
    Scool? Now? what time is it there?

  45. @ You loves: You guys are like my besties who make me feel so awesome! Kisseessss!!

    Yeah,it's like 9:30am. I'm late today..I got up about 15mins back,when i called you =P

    Oh and that bastard,JIM. UGH. He's grounded! UGGHHHHHHHH

  46. So what makes Jim a bastard if he's grounded? Poor thing :|

  47. Ofcourse he's a bastard.
    He was s'posed to take me to NewSquare for this street concert. And now what he says?
    "Sorry baby,i gotta be home look afta Bixy"


    Retarding pee of idontknowwhat.

  48. You just called him "Retarding Pee"

    I'm going to choke LAUGHING.

  49. @Nil: by now, its pretty evident that Mril calls anyone a bastard for no apparent reason...;)
    And that applies to Jim as well...;D
    @Mril: right Mril?

  50. Cherry!? I mean his friggin DOG takes over ME?
    and THEN Jim calls and has the testicles to ask me "are you mad at me baby?"

  51. retarding pee.
    reatrding pee?
    retarding pee!?!??!?!??!!
    You're the woman.;)



    Reatrding sodding Pee!!!????!

  52. Laughs , I'm serious :| He totally IS.

  53. Mrill.Babe.CHILL> and cut down the abusive part xD

    Aah,actually doesn't matter xP

    @Remya: See?!! We should TOTALLY call Anubhav that!! RETARDIN PEE!!

  54. Err, I'mpretty sure he must've the "testicles" to ask you that no?
    NOTE: My parents are wondering wy I'm laughing...what should I tell 'em? That Mrill's going mad?

  55. @Nil: Anubhav doesn't have the goddamn ass to have the privilege to be called a "Retarding Pee."
    It's too sophisticated for him you see.

  56. @ Remya: HAhahahahahha!! About that...Yes,I guess he Does actually have them..

    On second thoughts..

    Nevermind! xD

    @Cherry: Hahaha =P

    Hey you both I should go now,okay? I'll catch you guys soon!

  57. @Remya: I agree!

    @Mril: Awwww. Okayy :'(
    But CALL ME SOON!!!!!!!!!!!
    Byee! Loveeeee :*

  58. @Mrill: baiii :DDD
    Take care..
    don't overwork the pecious brain of yours at school...:P
    *looks around...what else is there to break..doesn't fnd anything..turns back to her computer*
    @Nil: baii :D
    Hot Geography calls me.
    The seductive thing.

  59. I will =) Very soon. Tomorrow,yeah?
    Okay Bye! Love you!
    And oh my god! MISS you!

    @Remya: Babe,I'll catch you soon,okay? I'll ask Cherry to tell you when I'm online.Okay?!
    Lots of loveeeeee!

  60. @ Remya: YOU TOO?! Bitch>:
    Bye. :'(

    @Mrill: Bye!

  61. U are indeed a very strong woman. Hats off to u mate!

  62. @ Shanu: Hey,welcome to my blog:) My dear buddy,I think you got me wrong..this post is a fictitious story that I've written.It's not what I've been through!


  63. This is a made up story...whoa m amazed... well written :)

  64. @Nil: You want more proof of how awesome and believable his is, look at how many thought it was true...
    And coming to that, if this wasn't awesome what is? Which of your writings do YOU call awesome? *holds up mike expectantly*
    @Nil, Mrinalini, Remya: I missed alllll of that. God, while you guys are having the time of your life in 'polite' conversation, I'm studying physics. Rats.

  65. @Mrinalini: Oh, and by the way


  66. We say " awl ij well" long before it appeared in the movie.

    We love problems so much that they fade away with all the mushyness we bestow upon it.

    Just say "awl ij well" and don't forget to smile in the face of adversity.

  67. Happy New Year!!!

    have a fantastic New year

  68. Well... these comments on your posts certainly take on a life of their own..haha.

    Let me try this "awl ij well"... I like it - prolly sounds even better with my Texas accent - hawhaw...

    Happy Happy Happy New Year, Nilly!!

  69. @Rohan and Mrill: Happy New Year guys :DDD

  70. @Nil,Remya,Mrill,Rohan: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE !!!! Hope you have a wonderful year 2010.

  71. @ ALL OH YOU ABOVE :

    a very HAPPY NEW YEAR to you guys!!

    May you prosper,may you flourish. I pray for all of you to achieve,soar and fly in life :)

    Much love to all of you!!

    Warmmm regards and HUgs!!!!


Pour out your thoughts on mine.... :)