The inheritance of loss.

THE INHERITANCE OF LOSS

This too,shall pass.

Yet again, I find the inheritance of loss. A loss that I had never inherited. I had lost everything.had nothing to lose. But then I found in the boulevard of broken dreams . . . .

The inheritance of loss.

I was never a girl of loss. I was always known as the girl of Victory.

A girl who always thought that by breaking some knees by playing football with guys will make her daddy proud. A girl who did not mind beating the lights out of someone if her brother got mocked by others for having a different nature.A girl who always wanted to be strong for her family, her friends and herself.

Never mind that sometimes my knees used to shake themselves. But I still knew that I would be able to stand stable and tall. Never mind that I used to get up at midnight and cry at times, but I always knew that I’d go back to sleep again and see a brighter day the next day. Because I always remembered what my mother said; “this too, shall pass. . .”

My mother passed away when I was 12. I was very close to her. She used to tell me all about life. The different faces, how to handle them. The various places she’s travelled around the world..The men she met, the friends she came across.Every morning she used to give me some piece of advice that would help me in life; somewhere, somehow. Her death was more like a death sentence, a silent torture to me. I did not cry in her funeral. When a drop of tear would come out of my eye, I would just wipe it off. Though the person affected the most in the family, was I. Because she was the only way of comfort to me. The only person to whom I could cry after acting strong the whole day.

I miss her. But now I have learnt how to live without her. I’ve also learnt how to cry now. And gather myself up after that. I know life now.

Jimmy; John Brown; my ex boy friend was a big support then. We met in Los Angeles when I went there for a student exchange program. I was pretty depressed. He was a student in the school I had gone for the exchange program. I stayed with his family, and gradually fell in love with him. Not the usual mush puppy love.Much of a sincere and faithful love.

We are really good friend now. He regularly writes to me about his life there and his girlfriend;Victoria he’s been steady with for 2 years now.He’s still my best friend, my first sweetheart, my first love. He’s still the best source of inspiration to me.

All my 3 brothers, and my younger sister are married, and have a lovely family to themselves. My father is doing okay, he enjoys being retired and at home; Doing something he always wanted to- Sing. Our family meets in family dinners.. Which always end up teary because dad misses mum a lot. I usually get up and hug him…I can smile when we talk of mum now. I’ve realized it’s okay.

With so many years passed..It’s been about 24.. If not anything, I’ve learnt just something very simple. I’m a woman, I’m 35,unmarried, a traveler, and pretty much the man of the family. I have learnt to be proud to inherit loss –Inherit loss from time, and have learnt that at the end of the day, every human inherits loss from life, in some way or the other. For some, it can be a sister dying, to some it might be losing a job, to some it might be an unsuccessful marriage. But somehow,someway,we all inherit loss. And to what we do with that is what we figure-what I did with mine was not suicide/ abandoning family/running away/denial; but I took it as an obvious something, and moved on. And that loss too, passed. Yes, it passed with time.

Move on, you guys. Let’s move on.

[P.S--the title "The Inheritance of loss" was a book by Kiran Desai which I never ended up reading..however I loved the name. Hence,used it :) just to let you guys know! ]