Mid week cry-sys(tem)

Playing now: Saibo.

Hello there Thursday people.. It's been one long and tiring week, and it virtually kills me to think it's not even over yet. But I ditched school today and slept till about lunch time, which hadn't happened in a long time. And now I feel drugged,because I just slept for 13 hours straight and I can't think right now.

But first things first- Weekend trip was fantastic. I was out in the heat practically all weekend, walking with my Jaipuri jootis hehh. I didn't have to reach out to my phone buzzing, because it was back in Delhi sleeping its happy butt off. I didn't read much,cause I do that a lot in Delhi.. and yeah well, I wasn't in a mood to read, for a change. I'm officially in love with Johri bazaar, holy hell that place is like wonderland for anyone who likes to shop junk, and Spice Court is the place.to.be if you like to eat good food. I saw an elephant from this close for the first time in my life. It creeped me initially, but hey it was pretty cute :P I sound like a retard so moving on.
  I ate like a pig, walked like a hippie, clicked like a lunatic, and wrote like a lover.
That pretty much sums up most of the weekend.

There are like, a zillion pictures. But I'll stick to a few to just get you the feel of the weekend :)

Stepping out of the weekend, the week was an equally crapped up week. Bullshit at school, there's a riot ladies and gentlemen. And obviously Delhi seems like such a curse after any vacation at all. Oh which reminds me, my plan of boycotting Delhi this summer is finally coming true :) The whole of June, I'm off to Calcutta, and the trip is absolutely fixed. May....I'm still trying to work out.

There's this Spring Concert happening tomorrow, for which I was real eager to go. But looks like I can't.. I have my first round of exams startin' up this Monday :/

But then again, knowing me, I might just crash the concert for an hour anyway.. lets see. I hope you all come, I hear it's going to be fantastic. Details on Google/facebook.

Anyhow then you guys, I should make a move for lunch now. I have an afternoon of Political Science awaiting me. Joy :|

So while you guys are at it, grab a quick mango shake. They're awesome during summers :)

Ciao World,

shall come back with maybe some fiction, next post :)

-Love and free vacations,

Nil.

Dreams change.

I had always been told dreams change. I never believed them. How can a dream change? A dream is something your heart wants more than anything.  A dream is something your muscles work day and night for, and never tire out. A dream is something your sleep nourishes. A dream is something your age weaves. A dream.. is your body of unadulterated innocence.

For me, that dream was a person.
His eyes were drawn with the lashes of my love. His lips, although stained with traces of tobacco smiled to the thoughts of my child like mind. His arched brows expressed wonder to my rebellious ideas of the world. His face... the perfect canvas for the little games of light and darkness.

For me, that dream was a friendship.
The ties of which were strengthened by the both of us. It was a single road that led to two homes, his and mine. There was never space for another traveller on that road. We kept our journey to each other, we saw the world together, and made memories that were ours. And nobody else's.

For me, that dream was a faith.
A faith that was slowly understood by my fragile mind with subtle years that never realized the quick pace of me growing up. A faith that refused to crash, come what may. A faith, that he was a vital part of.

For me, that dream was a song.
A song that made me smile to the silent notes of assurance, even if I was a thousand miles away. A song that left home with the promise of coming back to me. A song, that he sung for me.

* **

But all those dreams walked away. And the core of all those dreams changed. Not because I didn't want it anymore, but because I finally realized that the world rotated every second, so did we, and none of us stood constant to those promises that were made.

That person, changed.

That friendship, was no longer about just the two of us. 

That faith, however was saved with grace.

But that song.... it no longer had the same sweet voice who sung for me. It never came back home, to me.

And yes, dreams do change. Because after a point of time, no matter how hard you chase something and strive to make it yours, it'll be yours only if it wishes to. You can't force its existence in your life, and you can only hope for it to come back if fate wills it. And what I hope for you, is to carry it as a beautiful memoir of love, that makes you smile every time the music of that dream blows in the wind that plays around with the locks of your faith. A faith, that you mustn't let go.

-Nil.

Guess who's going to have a fantastic weekend?

Me.
Yes, I'm off to Rajasthan tomorrow morning for the weekend! My much planned road trip finally seems to be working out. So I'm leaving early morning tomorrow, without the phone, with the camera, William Boyd's novel, a diary, and summer clothes.
I'll be staying at my aunt's, and I plan to visit every fort, Nahargarh fort topping my hit list. And I can't wait to get to Old Jaipur! Hawa Mahal, Johri bazaar,Amber fort..sigh..I really hope I get some nice photographs.. Also, I plan to shop for Rajasthani stuff. I don't remember the last time I got those pretty skirts and the lovely earrings!

What I'm looking forward to the most is being absolutely disconnected from Delhi. No Internet, no phone. Something I'd been wanting since a long long time.
It's going to be such a relief, dear readers. God bless for Good Friday!

So I shall go pack now! This post was a quickie. So I'll see you guys Mondaayyyy. I suggest you lot go for a quick trip,too. Get out of the traffic and the work desks, and put on those summer shorts!
Have a great weekend you guys,
I know I will :-)

-flip flops and cotton shirts,
Nil. 

Because some songs just make you forget your blues :)

School was downright murderous today. For no apparent reason,tho. I didn't even have double econ :/
But it was one of those days when you don't actually wake up all day, and you work around like a zombie. I kept falling asleep. Once, in the library. Once in Pol science. Then in econ. And the bus ride back home was just cruel. And now, when I can actually manage to grab a quick afternoon nap, I felt like a blabber, so here I am.
But that's not the point of this post. I was having a semi-blue-ish type of a day. Shifting from a bad mood to an okay mood.. When I got home, for some reason, I got all bleh and pissed. And there set a bad blue. But THEN, I check Facebook, and one of my friends happened to mention the song "Save the last dance" by Michael Buble.. and so I randomly out it on Youtube, cause it had been a while I'd heard that song. And Jesus lord, it pepped me up like magic. It's one of those numbers which make me want to grab a partner, put on high heels and swish some salsa skirts! And.. the music. The music is just lovely. One of those that you keep humming without even realizing it, cause it's just so damn catchy and sweet :)
The video's adorable. Do have a look,in case you missed out on it..

I have another looong weekend coming up, starting this Friday. I might be going on a road trip, just to get away from Delhi for a bit. Although I'm unsure about it. Or else, I plan to go to this old fort of sort Friday afternoon with a bunch of friends, followed up with a quick weekend trip to my sister's place. So either ways, weekend planned :) It's funny how I look forward to the weekends so much.. The weekdays leave me gasping for some kind of  a break. Oh and our date sheet for the first round of exams before the vacations are out,so I'm guessing this is the last fun weekend of April... But nevermind, I have two months of summer waiting for me on the banks of Hugli :)

 

Also, I wanted to congratulate Kanika Kaul for her 100th post and thank her for awarding me on her blog! Thanks lady. Your page is absolutely fantastic and hell so exotic! Cheers to you, and I look forward to many more of your blogger milestones :)

Anyhow then Wednesday people, I should maybe go and catch up on some sleep. I have a looong day ahead. I'm performing with my father for a music show, rehearsals begin today! So ciao, and don't struggle too much with the mid week. It'll be over soon :)

-clear skies,

Nil.

At nights like tonight.

At nights like tonight.

At nights like tonight, I do not question anything. My mind is numb echoing to the most beautiful music in the world, with my thoughts floating like lovely hues over the flames of a candle.. Nothing burns, nothing wastes,everything seems to live for a reason that each horizon promises to be achieved.

At nights like tonight, I see distinguished memories, I can remember laughter, I can smell celebration in a mind close by.. I can feel an omnipresent thought, that tinkles to the light gentle breeze, blowing somewhere in the back of my mind, where the lights are dim, and understanding is underestimated. 

At night's like tonight,  I seize my opinions. I seize my rebellious body. I seize my soul that's hungry for some more life. I seize my questions, just for tonight.

And at nights like tonight, I dream in with the gin of fantasy.. fantasy of a world that the baby in me wonders to, when all the secrets of the universe unfold to the virgin mind of an infant.

Tonight, I just be. 

-Nil. 

The worst, is over.

The worst, is over.

She sighs relief,

when the warmth of daylight,

greets the curtains of her eyes..

It's morning again,

the worst, is over.

There's nothing different today,

the sun's the same as yesterday,

but it's daylight,

she sees movement.

Her mind takes to business,

her subconscious soul- dead.

The day smiles at her hardwork,

it smiles at every emotion, every memory,

she works to sweat off.

When every bead of sweat,

splashes another alibi,

into the ocean of a distorted will,

a will to forget.

As the evening proceeds,

her subconscious soul stirs in sleep,

the moon shyly peaks,

at her who's running away,

away to a horizon,

chasing the sun.

And as the sun sets,

and the lullaby of night falls,

the warmth is forgotten,

and the lull of memories vaporize and escape,

that corner of the heart....

The subconscious soul in her,

lies awake.

Ready to remember...

~*~

She sighs relief,

when the warmth of daylight,
greets the curtains of her eyes..
It's morning again,
the worst, is over.


-Nil.

Another blabber.

Good morning, Thursday people!
I know I promised to resume my train of fiction in the last post, but it's the middle of the week, I had an off from school, I just woke up, cranky as ever, and I want to blabber and rant. And so, I resign to my faithful blogspot and your tired ears.

This week.. has been eventful. Told you guys about the weekend. On the 12th, I went to IHC for the big horn festival where Hari and Sukhmani were playing. Heard these guys for the first time, although I've been stalking these guys on Youtube for a week now. They have good stuff. But I'm in love with their track "Boohey Barian". Please listen to it, and furthermore, google the lyrics. They're beautiful.. It's the only track that's been playing on my computer since three days. (It's the seventh time I'm listening to it now) yeah,I have OCD with this song. But it's just the lyrics that set me flying,and listening to this song live was.... I don't even know what. I went into a trance. IHC has some amazing memories, and it all hit like a heavy bolt. Anyhow, listen to the song you guys. It's amazing.
Here are some pictures of the show -

So all in all, I went for a gig after a looong time, and it was awesome. Now there's a dance recital coming up this 16th at Kamani- Prayog 3. Google it, and try n be there. It's going to be a fantastic evening of contemporary choreography :)

I have Saturday off,too. Ma and I were planning on doing a quick getaway to Jaipur, keep your fingers crossed. Which reminds me, she called half n hour back calling me for brunch. And I should get going now. I shall hog on brunch, read some, finish my econ notes (need inspiration.), and sleep again. And then go out, I don't know where though?

Oh oh and I changed the layout of my blog, as you guys must have noticed. I needed something new, and I guess this one's the best for my mood lately. I hope you guys like it? :)
Anyhow, the week's going to end in another day guys, so hang on to your jobs a tad more!
I promise the next posts shall be fiction updates, for sure.

So ciao for now,
as always,
Nil.

April's update.

Hello there, World.
Long time, no see? Yes, I know. Writing a normal update post almost feels alien, thanks to all the super heavy posts I've been putting up lately. And there's more, tonnes more, so you guys, brace yourselves. I've been on a Writer's high and not a block, for a change.. So I've been coming up with something or the other practically everyday. And I have about a million drafts saved up on my blogger ready to pounce on your intellect! Err. I just thought it would be a nice change to put up a pointless post and actually talk about how are things at my end.

My end. Ah. It's a question I'd rather avoid, but since I bring it up on my own.. My end comprises of work. A lot of work. I'm slogging my rear off all week- studying, writing, dancing, participating in everything and anything and visiting all kinds of odd places around Delhi. You will find me in every exhibition/ dance recital/gig/movie screening... In short, read: any cultural event by Tom, Dick and Harry. I walk all the time. I've officially disowned autos. My regular auto fellow at the stand looks at me like an abandoned child. I have taken to walking and travelling by buses. Yes, buses. That's another new habit I've adapted myself to. And buses are dirt cheap, that's the best part. They get me anywhere, be it familiar or no. I've been travelling by random buses, going till the last stop and coming back again for no good reason, except for maybe improving my geography, experience, and some times I go places to shoot or to write about.
Weekends... aah weekends are the ones I look forward to. I usually go out with Rem, Rob,Shiv,Vanta and Guina. And it seems worth it, like I've earned the weekend, if you know what I mean? I work hard and study well all week and it just feels really nice and satisfactory when I can finally cut myself some slack starting Friday evening : )
So yeah. The funniest part is, I've kinda become anti social. Yes, I know that sounds strange after the rant I just did above. But it's weird. Earlier, I used to always be with a group of friends or just always had company. The evenings, specially. But it's not that anymore. I've been on my own, a lot. I don't need company anymore, I'm actually quite comfortable spending time on my own, even if it's a random walk till the market in the evening if I have nothing to do. Or spend time at home. (Yes, I do that a lot now.)
Whatever. In short. Things have changed. And weather I like it or not... that will be judged after my system actually gets used-to it.

I had a fantastic weekend,this one! I've actually been having subsequent fantastic weekends : )

Got up reaaal late on Saturday after having a sleep-less night on Friday complimented with super senti poems that found my neurons at 4 in the morning. I lazed around all day, went out for a bit in the evening, and then went on for the Jazz utsav with my brothers and a couple of friends. But today was legeeennddhharryy! Went over to Vanta's to party with Guina and Rem. Had the best frikkking time ever. We ate like hogs, ate some more, did a FRIENDS marathon, ate some more, drank some (tang! sheesh.), clicked retarded pictures, watched FRIENDS again, ate some more, talked a lottt, ate, ate, and then played badminton! Oh not to forget Remya's act of machoness, when she climbed over a gate to get the shuttle cock and the number of wild jokes and incidents that aren't even hitting my head right now cause I'm just so damn tired :P

Anyhow, then Milda picked us up, and Remya and I went to the Jazz Utsav which was absolutely fantaaastic, yet again. Although yesterday's was maybe a tad bit better.. but nevertheless today was good too. And finally we came back with Neha and Sheks, and now here I am. At home, my eyes are drooping with sleep but I shall torture them some and watch How I Met Your Mother :-)

School tomorrow. Ugh. BUT. Tuesday and Thursday off! So that's one hope that's going to drag my uniform and me to school tomorrow. Forgive me people, for the incredibly looong post. But I hadn't blurted in a while, and yeah well, venting it out now.. So I take your leave now! The next few posts shall again be a train of fiction, but I promise to update with the random stuff and in general about how's life being so cruel as much as I can and sooner :P
Take care!

- love,
Nil.

An idea of a fine balance.

An idea of a fine balance.

I used to tip toe on railway tracks,

when I was six,

and my fate seemed bright.

and my idea of a fine balance,

was to not trip once and go six miles.

To beat the other urchins,

behind me.

I used to tip toe,

when the tracks vibrated,

and the train seemed too far,

too far to murder my younger brother,

who had only learnt to walk.

I used to tip toe,

when the pebbles below,

seemed to play along,

and tickle my feet,

and I used to pretend it was a pleasant breeze,

of an ocean I only saw photographs of,

on the back door of the barber's shop.

I used to tip toe,

when they carried my mother,

to the funeral ground they said was a garden,

a garden where kids weren't allowed.

I'm still tip toeing,

to the railroads of life,

where I see a train every now and then,

some to take me along,

and some to gift me my brother's fate.

I still am tip toeing,

to fight with these strong feet,

to achieve that fine balance,

that has been an idea in me for long,

so that I walk, and not tip toe anymore..

-Nil.