Everytime, your music was in the air.

Things are not the same anymore, you and I aren't. Our hearts aren't, our brains no more working parallel.
The bright day has slowly creeped into a silent strand of sunshine.. It still is sunshine, though. It can never be dark, when it's you, sweetheart.
But only love is not enough. I would have disagreed violently to that, but today, I don't. I don't because so much more matters, because love fades when those vital organs of that soul- that complete body- are missing.
Some say, how does all that matter?
But I say, how is it love if they don't? 
You were like this sudden blast of annoying light into my usual life, someone I absolutely hated the first time I met. You were so goddamn confident about yourself, you knew you could charm anyone by that pissing off-ly beautiful crooked smile of yours. You were such a stealer, and I hated your over confidence.
I didn't want to meet you again. Your arrogance somehow over ruled my confidence. There was something so attractive about that careless confidence and flawless self of yours. I never wanted to meet you again.
But I did.
I did, each and every day after that. And I realized you were such an over confident jerk in the outside, but oh my god, you were beautiful in the inside. You pretended to be a dude, when you were nothing close to that as a person. You tried to hide that intellect that screamed out of your eyes, but they couldn't escape me even on the first day we met.
You became a friend. And slowly someone a little closer. Someone I wanted to see every damn day cause you just brought out the wild side of me. You made me that crazy wild girl I used to be, you brought out the enigma in me. Every day of that summer vacation was a memory that's inescapable. We'd see each other every morning, tour around Delhi, eat like pigs, run like dogs, and return sweat stained late in the evening.
I loved having you around, I loved it so much that I didn't want to think about anything else.

We spoke about black ambassadors when you told me how you felt for me, and the next day wasn't awkward. We were still the best of friends, and that's why I never thought twice before meeting you even after I knew about you feeling for me.
I kept you hanging for so long. For so bloody long. And you kept hanging,
I finally admitted to myself, you charmed me. You charmed me and I had fallen bad for you. After that, we both know what happened. But before anything, you were my best best friend.
I couldn't feel better, could there be anything  better than having that special person as your best friend?
We were so random, we were so bloody wild. We didn't care a damn and went on being kids....

But then?
What now? Why aren't we kids anymore? Why can't I talk to you anymore? Why are there so many "but" and "ifs" now?
I don't remember you anymore. I don't remember the guy I fell in love with. Cause you've lost yourself to so many other things, so many things that were immaterial before. So many things that you and I used to laugh at, together.
Does time do this?

I've let go off you, we're never to cross paths again, trust me. I've let go off you, but I'll live in my world with your memories which are nothing but beautiful. I will be fine, I will be just what I used to be, 2 years back, back to my wildness and flaws. I'll forget that I evolved.

What I'll never forget is, what you turned me into. What I'll never forget is, your memories which are too evident in my common human brain, and which are engraved deep deep down into my heart. What I'll never forget is, the feeling of knowing that pure feeling to have had fallen in love. And that unconditional love that my soul held for you, and always will.

And I'll never forget how my heart smiled, everytime your music was in the air.

I like rain traffic :]

SO MUCH has been up, it's driving me crazy. In a good way. Okay, no, bad way,too.
So lately, all I've been doing is running around. Walking is no longer an activity that my body is acquaintances with, so all I do is run from one place to another, somehow managing to get everywhere on time. [or not :/]

School's like a Volkswagen running at nothing less than a speed of 120.
Home's been like a Machismo with double drum beaters running at 875437505.
My brain has been the Earth revolving and skipping light years ahead like peanut butter and jelly. 

Anyway. So today Remya and I went for a competition to Tagore Int. Quite cool of a concept.. She had to recite a poem by Rabindranath Tagore [bows] and I had to do contemporary ballet on it. We'd been practicing [yea sure, so much for wasting time with 10th graders jamming] and we did a bloody cool job of it today :D
We're damn happy and satisfied with our performance, the results- we'll figure out tomorrow.
But whatever it will be, it's been nice. And we know we performed.

Oh and  I like traffic due to rain :)  Not when I need to get somewhere real fast, but whatever,I like it anyway. Now slowly this post is getting random. :)
I've got quite a lot of my work to be published on blogger soon.. Coming up first will prolly be a poem or two, lets see. But I hope you guys like it.

God. I wish I had a camera right now. I'm in one of those clicking moods. :/
actually I wouldn't even mind going out for football. [i suck it it- fyi]
No,actually I'd rather click.

Okay now this is getting really random.

And whatever are YOU guys upto, lately?? Partying? Studying? Noth-ing? :D 

Update me! All of you! :) 

Yours random and grinning,
Nil :) 

My eyes speak.

My eyes have always spoken for you,haven't they? You've always known me, my soul with through my eyes which don't shield the silent whispers of life from you.

You have always known my sadness and felt my happiness from my eyes, you have always tried to live my existence through my eyes. Haven't you?  Haven't you?

Then why,today did you not see what  my eyes held? Has my heart shriveled into a nutshell? Or has time tired our strings of attachment? Rusted that string of a silent language? Why today, even our silences are nothing but an abominable lull between two hearts? Why has silence,too, lost its voice?

Have my eyes deceived you? Can they ever? They're screaming into my soul that they never can, and they beg me to ask you- have you forgotten how to read them?

My eyes try to look around,frantically-- trying to find just a simple comforting answer, yet-- isn't it strange for you, to not have seen such an evident pain?

Have you become too used-to those eyes that you take them lightly now? Are you oblivious to them,now?

Have you forgotten how you felt ecstasy through my eyes? Then how-today-did you fail to see those painful scratches- that were so new of bruises-that didn't need an expert's iris to see?

Why?

Have you forgotten my eyes?

DISCLAIMER- Pure fiction. 

And I'm 16.

My birthday started a few hours,no days,no months back before the actual date with people who make me feel the epitome of bliss right now.

My birthday started with me dreading it. With me being terrorised of being 16, laving behind 15 which was somehow apparently more.. kiddish to my own ears.

My birthday started with me hanging out with Rob in gk1 and pointing at every fancy thing and going "Robin. It's my birthday on the 12th" with a wide grin resulting to about a zillion eye rolls from him per hour.

My birthday started with me pissing my brother off with evil grins every time a new add of some cellphone came onto the TV cause he was going to buy me one with his first salary.  :)

My birthday started with my sister telling me what my grandmom told her to gift me for my 6th birthday before dying.

My birthday started with texts from people asking me what I'd like as a present, 15 days before the day :)

My birthday started with Niel remembering exactly what I wished for my present, and him getting me a coffee table book of The Beatles.

My birthday started with Robin remembering these random wishes of mine of stuff that I'd like to own- from silver jewellery to a Cafe Hard Rock Tee shirt, and getting me exactly those.

My birthday started with Neha and Shekhar taking me out to buy MY gift without me knowing :P  [yea man, you guys are SO smart] :P

My birthday started with Remya calling me up and going "Yaar dekh maine tere liye poem likha hai, ABHI sun warna....#$@$$$@#@$!!!" and her reciting the most beautiful poem one could ever imagine to be written on them.

My birthday started with Shivangi calling me up and going "dduuuuuuddeeee I'm sorry I COULD NOT wait any longer, you HAVE to listen to it!" and reciting me a little something she wrote from her heart that I wanted to bear hug her for.

My birthday started with Atreyi calling me up at 5:50am just to "chit chat" and then my dad walking me up and me walking sleepily like a zombie to the loo :P

My birthday started with me going to school, receiving a beautiful notebook from Remya and Oh so amazingly pretty cards from Saad and Manav :)

My birthday started with my friends randomly stopping in the school corridors, suddenly clapping and singing the Birthday song for me randomly,  making me go pink. :P  I love you guys!

My birthday started with me touching my parents and all the elder's feet.

 My birthday started with my family :)

My birthday started with me smiling so hard that me cheeks hurt! My birthday started with a lump in my throat when I realized that it doesn't matter how old or how new a friend is, 2 years and 3 months-- both are enough for someone to feel so strongly for you that you can hear the sincerity of love in their voices.

I realized that I might shout at Niel, Rob and Joy for not listening to me when I talk and being such boys  but actually I love being proven wrong by them when they end up checking the list of each and every word and wish of mine.

I saw the joy of my brother to have brought me a gift with his first salary and I felt my pride.

I realized how much of a kid I always will be, and that the age won't quite matter.
My birthday started with the 12th of July 1994, and won't end till these people and these feelings exist in me.

A happy birthday to myself :) 

Just because..

" She's a good girl
Loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She's a good girl
Crazy 'bout Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too

Yeah
Yeah
It's a long day living in Reseda

There's a freeway running through the yard
I'm a bad boy 'cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breaking her heart


And I'm free
Free falling
Falling


And I'm free
Free falling
Falling "

I kept listening to each and every word of that song, and smiled so many ironies with my martini. I kept looking at her, right infront of me, sitting on the edge of the bar, laughing along with her friends, with her glass of Vodka, Neat. Her style.
Even the bar tender looked at her and couldn't help smiling, not many people enjoy their drinks and music together in good spirit and with good company, do they? Most of them come here to get rid of the downs of the day, the sadness of their lives,and to mate.
She.. She used to keep saying "I don't share my vodka, but oh oh oh honey I shall share my music!" .
Aaah . Ridhima. She had this something to her, that almost pulled me with the harshest sweetness towards her..


We met through music. When they say "hope keeps the world intact" , in our cases, it was music.
It was one of those random concerts at  Hard Rock. The band was playing "Free falling" by John Mayer.. Thousands of our age came with fancy clothes and beer, a meeky smile and looked much more drunk than they actually were.
Those memories actually make me smile now :)
Kuch toh baat thi. There was some fun in that energy of beer and music. There was some happiness in what flowed into the mikes and out of the speakers, there was some pleasure in those smiles exchanged by us and that  pretty girl who your eye just happened to find and stare at, there was some pride in her returning you that smile,there was something weird yet nice to have blend in with each other's tastes in silence of two different flower colors...


And there is some luck, to have her as your wife, 7 years after you exchanged those smiles.. :)


I nodded a cheer at the bar tender, who was singing along to the song playing... and walked to where my wife sat with our friends, and kissed her on the cheek, just cause... nothing.
Just because.


:)

 
 
- Keep the love alive, you guys!
Nil.

And the downpour begins................ :D

And finally,after a long summer, Delhi's roads didn't only have police guys, traffic, cars, cars, cars, bikes, people, cycles, trucks.. But it had rain :)
I had gone to watch some theater today evening, and suddenly the door opens and I see this wet guy coming in, and the loud music of rain :) Boy oh boy, was I bouncing already to get out!

After the play got over, I went out, and gladly walked away from my friend with the umbrella. After such a long time, it wasn't a shy downpour, it wasn't playing a teaser. It was raining, properly. If you know what I mean?
So then while on my way back in the car, I stuck my head out about a zillion time, and holy Christ, what a bliss it was. To actually have those cold drops fall on my face with the speed of the car making it hard to breathe on the almost empty road was an experience I was dying to experience again. Last monsoon left me standing on my toes for them to return, yes it was that great!

So you guys! Monsoon's set in, and it's going to set in better and better in the coming few days.
SO, do me a favor you guys, put on some shorts, some lose tee shirt, a pair of flip flops, and throw away all the umbrellas! It's time to go drench yourselves into some crazy childhood, to have mud filled clothes and slippers, to have wet hair dropping drops of water, and for you guys to smile wide looking that crazy :D


See you guys outside without the raincoats! ;)

Summer break gives over!

So finally, summer break's over. Hear me crying? no really, I am.
Well,I was anyway.
I'm not gonna say this summer has been the best. No, that has to be Summer 2008 :) But whatever it be, it's still been special. This summer I wasted time. I wasted time like C.R.A.Z.Y.
I took time off, went for 423587428965475 no. of vacations, clicked pictures, spent time with people I usually don't meet, and just hung out. I was hardly ever at home. I was either at a friend's or at the market.
This summer, I worked on my very first dance production show. We'd been rehearsing like crazy from the past few weeks.. Hours and hours of dance routines, loud music, the studio [ :D ], and yeah- meeting new people :)

Apart from that, I don't really remember anything else. I was too busy having fun, and wasting time :D but somehow, that felt good. That felt bloody damn good!
Shit happened, I dealt with it. Along with that came tonnes of happiness, I welcomed that :) But..  the one thing I'm most thankful about is that I could stop. Stop from the hectic schedules of school, and after-schools. I could just wake up in the morning and smile a wide grin and go ; "nanaanananaa! I have nooooo work!" with a sleepy head. I could do whatever the hell I wanted without anyone telling me or nagging me about anything.

After about 3 days of vacation, I was bored already. I had nothing to do. Like, zilch! No studies, no work, hardly any chores. So all I did was write, watch tonnes of movies, read novels, and walk around the house like a zombie =)
That feeling of complete and utter freedom mixed with boredom is priceless.
;)

Nowww, school's on. Summer break's another year later, but hey, I'm not upset anymore. I missed school :) And I know vacations are going to be here in no time!
So :D
Work hard, you guys. Vacations shall be here soon, very very soon :D

Happy Summer!

-Cheers!
Nil.
:)