Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dear Judie

Dear Judie,
I don't know where you are, I don't know if you exist. But tonight, I'm going to need you to listen, and you will, because you don't exist.
I've been in a void, my love. A void that seems pleasant and harsh at the same time. I feel free. Liberated. Exhilarated. Alone. But what seems to scare me is the consequences. The repercussions.
Tonight, I remember so many promises. Promises that seemed fatal, if broken back then. But today, today them seem hollow. So damn hollow.. Those promises are floating away to a silent song, leaving me at peace to stand calm and sober, not reaching out to them. Or rather not wanting to reach out to them. I stand alone, and I'm not scared.
Cause after a point of time, it ain't the same people, the same places and the same promises.. because everyone's walkin' honey. Everyone's walkin', and so are you.

I fell in love, Judie. I fell in love with the most amiable man on the face of the Earth. I loved with all my heart with passion lighting our fire. But alas, life happened. And so, the devils of change trickled through the vulnerable labyrinthine lanes of our hearts. Our love broke. And tonight, it feels like such a waste. And yet, my heart's still madly in love with that 18 year old boy who showed me half the world... Judie, I trust people because I believe a little too much in this tiny little 'faith' that resides in a shy corner within me. But it hurts when that faith is exploited, Judie. And that hurt turns into anger which morphs into hate. Isn't love such a paradox?
The strongest bond stone that suddenly grows so cold?
I do hope you've been head over heels about somebody, sometime too, jude.
It's beautiful.

It's midnight here, and I wonder what color the sky might be at your end? Does it rain much? That's another miracle that touches my soul ever so often.
There's something so divine in being a child, isn't it Judie? There's something so merry about scraped knees and muddy shoes. To be able to smile at a stranger without the slightest of fear...aaah, strangers.. we meet again.
Cause that's what we are, innit?

So as the moon outside my window seems just a little bigger tonight, I smile at you, my dear old friend, my old strange friend. Dear Judie, I don't know where you are, I don't know if you exist. But tonight, I'm going to need you to listen, and you will, because you don't exist.........

Yours faithfully,
the strange letter writer.


  1. if this was fiction, its beautiful :) if it was real, still beautiful :)

  2. Fiction or no, it's still too damn close to my heart. So Thanks, Rev. :-)

  3. Can feel the letter. Not just read. :) Awesome Nil. :*

  4. Wow thanks love! Glad you liked it :*

  5. waiting to hear what judie replies back
    and congrats on falling in love :)


  6. Judie doesn't reply back... and hey, Bikram, this is fiction :-)

  7. You make me want to be Judie. Beautiful Nil. =)

  8. Dear Judie,

    Do exist, to hear her speak. :)

    Nice one, different.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. @Shiv: Your feedback last night made my day! I love you, thank you :-)

    @Blasphemous: That was such a sweet comment, I cannot tell you how happy that made me! Thank you, I'm really really glad you liked it. I am :-)

  11. Nil, You have been in my blog list for quite some time now. And this time I HAD to comment :)

    This was captivating.

    And yes Judie should exist to feel the love.

  12. Hi there! AW that was so damn sweet! thank you, I'm so glad you think so. And well Sam,I guess there is a Judie somewhere around the globe, for all of us :-)

  13. There was this tingling sensation somewhere within me while reading this post.

    Loved it, absolutely loved it.


  14. Nice. Not your best, but nice. It could fit perfectly in a novel. I'd love to know more about the letter writer :)

  15. @The Blue Periwinkle: Why thank you so so much! I do hope you visit soon :-)

    @Charu: Yeah? haha thanks! I shall try and work on it some time, some more, yeah? :) about the letter writer... how much more do you wanna know about me, love? ;)

  16. love it , love it , love it !!!
    Onek baar porlam and enjoyed reading it every time :)
    keep it up darling ........

  17. thanks thanks thanks didi! thanks a lot :)
    muuucchhhhh love and huggssss

  18. Hello,

    I received your letter today and am happy you remember me. You say that you feel free, liberated, exhilarated and alone. I understand, and that to me is true freedom- the ability of being "alone". So long as one depends on anyone for happiness, they cannot really be free. Indeed, there are certain consequences and repercussions which one has to face, but then, freedom is not "free" :).

    I feel delighted to see your insight when you say "promises seem hollow". Because as you said "after a point of time, it ain't the same people, the same places and the same promises..", so when everything is uncertain and changing, how can there be any reliable promises? One can be sure about only that which does not change. You'll agree that you too are changing like everything/everybody else...but how do you know that? There must be something in you that does not change, otherwise how would you know that you've changed?

    I know how it feels when faith is exploited, but it shows how unreliable "the other" is! You have seen love, anger and hate. They all change and hence cannot be relied upon either. Love when depends on "the other" is certainly a paradox, and it is natural. If love depends on anything it will surely change with the changing of that thing.

    Yes, I too have been in love and indeed it is beautiful. But beauty fades away too...and if the beauty of a fresh rose evokes joy, its withering away will surely give rise to a sense of disappointment. So I've learned not to take anything that changes seriously. And everything changes!

    My sky is overcast with drifting clouds and yes at times it rains too! There is truly something divine in being a child, and that's primarily because no child knows it! Besides, there are very few clouds in their sky, so they are purer...

    Yes, we are strangers, just like all friends who once were...

    Keep Writing!!
    Your Seemingly Non-existent,

  19. Dear Lokesh,
    that wasn't just a comment. It was a long awaited letter that I hoped to receive some day from a stranger. And today, I couldn't feel more at bliss when I finally see that wish coming true.

    Thank you dear friend, I promise many more letters will find you, as Judie.
    Take care,
    and I hope you keep in touch.

    the strange letter writer.


Pour out your thoughts on mine.... :)