Altering associations.

Dear readers,
I know I promised fiction for this post, but circumstances are a little grave here (and promises are meant to be broken?). Today has been a strange day. One that came with very ugly revelations and threw light on some amount of irrationality that's been lurking around me and my actions. Thus, I have decided to dissociate for a while, from the daily circle of communication and am going ahead to a short break. A short break where I wouldn't be in touch for a while on networking sites and blogger, too.
I promise to read your rants, though. But I do not assure a word from my end, a silent reader is all I have to offer to you, for now. I will be back soon, you never know maybe in a week. But from the look of things, perhaps a teeny wee bit more than that.

So till I get back, may you all have a lovely beginning to winter. And I hope to find you all right here, once I've finally had enough of silence, and am ready to once again pounce on you with my rants and tales of fiction. Thank you all, though. You've all made me want to write even when inspiration gave up on me :-)

Always love,
Nil. 

green sandals and sharpened pencils.

There's such a 'feeeeeeeeeeeeeel' to writing with a long slender new pencil on crisp ruled paper, right? Back in 5th grade we were in such a hurry to get started with writing with pens, whatte thrill it was! ink! How I miss the scratchy noise of pencils on paper now in a classroom.
Ideally, this post should have been fiction. But you see that doesn't happen when I have a week to go for my second terms, complimented with perpetual mind farts of anxiety and immodest hours of economics and political science followed by space outs of staring at my pair of green sandals and hoping to find the answer to everything in the universe, there.

Random photo clicked yesterday. I like :)

Last night was a breather,though. I went for a birthday dinner to a friend's. And since it was her 18th, we guys decided to go off the record and wear sarees. So that was quite an incentive to study my rear off the whole day just so I could gulp down some cake without guilt trips. Other than that, it was fun. I worked harder than the host, so I guess that gave me brownie points to the 'feel good' factor which are rarely encountered when you reach the month of November while the boards wait with sadistic patience sitting with fat answer sheets in March. Do you see? I've become obsessive about the whole scene. I can't have a conversation without the B word in it.
Must.stop.now.

Apart from that, I've been upto randomness. There's a series of Bokeh effects I'd tried a while back, and I always wanted to put it up on my blog. I just never got the chance to. (Read: I was lazy to uplaod them on the computer.) So since I have nothing spicy going on for now, and YET I had to come here to my safe haven and speak bull crap, I'll spare you darrrrrrling readers any further BS and award you lot with pretty bokeh photos for being too much of awesome listeners. Not to mention I FINALLY RESPONDED TO ALL YOUR EMAILS SO YOU GUYS CAN GO DO THE BHANGRA and refrain from responding with abuses : )

There you go. And while you guys check them out,click and listen to this (goes puurrrfactly.)- Pretty Lights Finally Moving.

Okay peeeppuulllzz. I should go now. My half and hour break just turned into an extended holiday. So adios, and I promise some fiction from ze next posters for you lot. (Obviously, since I'll be dwelling on ways to get through the next month without letting the suicidal part of 12th grade get the better of me.)
Laaaats of love,
Nil :)

Happiness is really such a simple thing.

It was the unofficial last day of school. It felt the same, but there were minutes of strangeness when I'd zone out somewhere in the middle of the corridor, or the classroom and realize that after today, the school that I knew would cease to be. I would only go for exams, and rare occasions of doubt classes. But school- the regular bus stand at 7:30am, the recurring morning blues, the often ignored yellow classroom doors and windows,the library, geography lab, the big field, oily Gupta Ji canteen food, mini shop, bur ride back home, the heat, the sweat- and in the middle of all this- those classmates who've become friends family in the past few years.
It was strange to even think that the routine will now be broken. That all of this won't happen, and the thought of a non-uniformed life seemed so alien and... unsettling?

I've lived in the heart of this school for fourteen years. Abused it unconditionally, kicked the bathroom doors a zillion times, scribbled rude drawings of teachers on the black board, solved sums on the tables, and gradually graduated to the Back Benchers Association by grade 12 :-)
I've walked in with pride holding prizes with a collar up, I've cried in the bathroom, I've hid behind the swimming pool, and I've bunked all around the place. And on graceful occasions, sat in class with my chin on both my hands and looked and heard out the (mostly) lovely teachers.

And I've made friends, oh yes. I have. I've made friends with bonds that can stretch further than chewing gums, the ones that used to be stuck under the tables and would inevitably find place in my skirt. (Trips to the Home Science lab for soap would follow.)

And then today once the last bell rang, I couldn't help but let out a nervous smile. And actually stood straight like an obedient child and repeated the prayer on the intercom, for maybe the first time in months. The last school-gives-over prayer.

And THEN. Daftuar's priceless nags began while exiting the gates of the school, yelping as if we were to die the next minute. Emosssanally charged students around were clicking photos as if the school was coming to an end in 2011. (Technically, yea yea.) But it was kind of overwhelming, and finally I cut through the melodrama and crashed Vant's place for a calculated half an hour to just chill and then go home and study like no body's business. And once I got there, the usual shitting around started and abuses to our favorite Mallu lady resumed with the sidelines of PJs and gayness. And just... chill.
And I was happy.
I was happy because although school is coming to an end... I kinda realized it's for the best. I've grasped in as much as I could and seeing those two lady retards, bullshitting racism all over the place with Rem, spending useless hours in the library with Rob,rolling eyes at Chatur for the chimp he is... they leave the epiphany that maybe, this is just the start. These people are going to stay. And that tiny moments through out the last fourteen years have made up a kick-frikkin-ass entourage of my hemisphere. And the other one, I'm on my way to figure.

So really. Happiness is really such a simple thing. And to a question that I've been dwelling on for a while after reading a fellow blogger's post is- Is it a choice? Hell yeah. It is. Shit happens. People walk in, they walk out, they mess your head, they make the best memories, they turn out to be complete pricks, and you regret a whole lot, but then you cherish a muuuch bigger lot.
So by the end of it, you've breathed in everything. Everything that you could. And you still are breathing, soaking in every flaw and creek that comes your way WITH those people/ memories/regrets/love.
That's the best part- you're still breathing :-)

Photos from today at Vanta's. Totally apt for the post, so :-)

Beedles, you're still a prick for not showing up today. But I had to add you to this one : )

So yes, shit happens. And if you can't fix it, spread it on the fields and enjoy the harvest ;)
It'll make you a much happier person!
(Also, shoot me for updating like a crazy frog but this one had to be posted!)
Love,
Nil. 

In silence.

In silence.

In silence,
you will realize my gaze,
I will catch your smile before,
it surrenders to laughter,
laughter; so real,
and we will fall in love,
in silence.

In silence,
your long slender fingers,
will caress the throbbing veins on my arm,
and that slender index,
will shoot up to my lips,
as soon as I try to break the silence.

It's all so quiet,
we both hush, tip toe and giggle,
devoid a vocabulary,
raising a white flag,
to gestures that will save us.

And in silence,
we will both know,
the sweetness of this quiet,
the sharpness of every move,
at this unearthly hour,
and....... the unnecessary cause of words.
We will speak and stay in love,
all of this......in silence.

-Nil.

Of November already and Big Bang Theory loops.

November's here already. I feel like I'd been sleeping all this while in a sound slumber and kaboom goes the diwali-ness in Delhi and I woke up to realize the year's already coming to an end. What a strange year it has been I tell you. I don't think it's excluded anything.
Diwali was pretty random and disorienting. Better than last years, nevertheless! Found ourselves at India Gate at godknows what hour of the night, taking strolls around the Guard who stood at attention like nobody's business.
My cousin was here for a good eight days, and lets just say I was on a vacation in Delhi.. Hell what a crazy time we had! From the most shady places in Delhi to insane karaoke nights where something revolutionary happened to me for the first time, but never mind that here (!).. To midnight coffee at coffee shops, speeding cars, meeting her absolutely w.i.l.d friends, turning her and Rob's hand blue while watching Paranormal Activities 3, and shopping like animals.. The past week has been gorgeous, in every single way :-)
I miss her like a sad little puppy, but heyy all good things come to an end. Shoot me.

Apart from that,I'm still hungover about how last month's been so godamn crazy and hectic. I haven't found the time to stop and breathe, not once, no. Something or the other's been up and my only soothers have been Limca and watching loops of the Big Bang Theory. Sheldon Cooper makes me happy and laugh like a wild child, and I need to frame his photo and see it everytime anything pisses me off. How, just HOW can a T.V series be so awesome that it makes the world a better place to live in? Quite literally speaking.
He makes me believe Sarcasm isn't dead yet :-)

Anyhow. Parents just god back from Bombay. Bloody good for me, it would save me going crazy in the weekends and bringing the lovely house into stones and toothbrushes. Anyhow. It's been a strange Wednesday; the kind that ain't a blue but is a mixture of frowns and the only wish to sleep. I came here to write this absolutely unproductive and shite post just so to let you guys know that I'm still alive, and I've just been busy. All the email replies will find their way to you very very soon, I promise. Give me the weekend? :-)
And there you go, my phone's beeping on low battery- something that it does pretty often now. I should really work on the phone charging thing, I ignore that instrument like its scum. But it's not in the drawer anymore, so that's an improvement, right?
Deviated beautifully, however no more. Ciao lovely people. I'll come back with some poems and happy things like Sheldon Cooper. Bless that boy. Hearts. (I would have drawn one, had it not irked me.)

Tata! Eat well, and sleep better, and party for me :-)
-Same old Nil.