This was a long due post. Something that's been pent up. Gone through over and over again within me, with some nights as silent as a funeral, some days that were brighter than sunshine.
It's the thought of being fearless.
This isn't fiction. This is an honest confession. To who? I don't know. Not to the world. Not to myself. But I.. have changed.
Over the past two months, life's been nothing close to usual. It's been a ride, of the worst stuff and the weirdest of epiphanies. I've been really loud and a vocal person, but I seemed to have sobered down over the last few months. Things happened. Situations changed. And I chose. I chose a lot of things, a lot of ways, a lot of things that I might have ignored before. But, somewhere, deep down, I know a lot in me has changed,too.
I wouldn't say there's an absence of fear in me. But I find something greater in me than that today. I have the strength to walk ahead, aware of things that might hit me hard on the way. This isn't anything new to the world, I bet you've read tonnes of articles of people around the globe about these epiphanies. But to me.... it is something new. Nascent, in a very fragile sense that touched my mind tonight, and was brewing in my heart for a while.
I'm not scared of getting lost anymore. Because I know I can find my way back. The world isn't as hostile as we think, at the end of the day, we all suffer from the same insecurities and grievances. They just come in different forms, to different people.
I'm not scared of people walking out of my life. I'm not scared of losing out on people. It's alright. I'm not scared of losing my place to another person in any body's life. I'm not scared of not being missed. I'm not scared of facing facts as they are.
Cause I've figured it's alright. It's really alright.
If you're needed in a person's life, that person will fight to death to get you back. Otherwise, deal with the fucking fact that you're not required.
Try to understand that you deserve more, and really, learn to echo the thoughts- Screw this shit. I've had enough.
My father told me a few weeks back, "This is just the beginning sweetheart". And I could see it hurt him to say that to his daughter who he never wanted to see grow up into a lady. He wants me to be a kid, he doesn't want things to change.
But he also knew that I'd grown up. Grown up just enough to smile to his words and nod in honest agreement.
Something has grown up in me. I feel fearless. Maybe it's just one of those nights when you rant on to the billion fights going on within you.....but maybe not.
Maybe, I've learnt to see what I deserve and what I don't.
And just maybe, this confession will stay in me, for the times to come.
"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
-Bob Marley
-Nil.
It's the thought of being fearless.
This isn't fiction. This is an honest confession. To who? I don't know. Not to the world. Not to myself. But I.. have changed.
Over the past two months, life's been nothing close to usual. It's been a ride, of the worst stuff and the weirdest of epiphanies. I've been really loud and a vocal person, but I seemed to have sobered down over the last few months. Things happened. Situations changed. And I chose. I chose a lot of things, a lot of ways, a lot of things that I might have ignored before. But, somewhere, deep down, I know a lot in me has changed,too.
I wouldn't say there's an absence of fear in me. But I find something greater in me than that today. I have the strength to walk ahead, aware of things that might hit me hard on the way. This isn't anything new to the world, I bet you've read tonnes of articles of people around the globe about these epiphanies. But to me.... it is something new. Nascent, in a very fragile sense that touched my mind tonight, and was brewing in my heart for a while.
I'm not scared of getting lost anymore. Because I know I can find my way back. The world isn't as hostile as we think, at the end of the day, we all suffer from the same insecurities and grievances. They just come in different forms, to different people.
I'm not scared of people walking out of my life. I'm not scared of losing out on people. It's alright. I'm not scared of losing my place to another person in any body's life. I'm not scared of not being missed. I'm not scared of facing facts as they are.
Cause I've figured it's alright. It's really alright.
If you're needed in a person's life, that person will fight to death to get you back. Otherwise, deal with the fucking fact that you're not required.
Try to understand that you deserve more, and really, learn to echo the thoughts- Screw this shit. I've had enough.
My father told me a few weeks back, "This is just the beginning sweetheart". And I could see it hurt him to say that to his daughter who he never wanted to see grow up into a lady. He wants me to be a kid, he doesn't want things to change.
But he also knew that I'd grown up. Grown up just enough to smile to his words and nod in honest agreement.
Something has grown up in me. I feel fearless. Maybe it's just one of those nights when you rant on to the billion fights going on within you.....but maybe not.
Maybe, I've learnt to see what I deserve and what I don't.
And just maybe, this confession will stay in me, for the times to come.
"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
-Bob Marley
-Nil.
this is how we can succeed. some very close people had betrayed me in the past. when i was scared to loose them. did everything for them. and now. i have changed a lot. they apologized to me. but now they are surprised about how much i have changed. as i dont give a shit about them anymore. thats how one can survive in the midst of this cruel society.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say the society is cruel.. sure, some parts are.. but see that's what, the world ain't as hostile as we think :)
ReplyDeleteEveryone will help you if you help yourself- it's as simple as that :)
You've got to grow up if not grow old. And people, well they come and go. Few stay, they matter.
ReplyDeleteAll the best.
Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete
aww :) i wish i was there in delhi, i am sure ne night of pyjama clad heart to heart chat would have been of great help. plus i am being super far away from you for the damn work pressure, gopals erratic travel plans and all things crazy.
ReplyDeletelisten baby, to some of us you are always going to be a baby and we will treat you like that. yes there are some charlies in the world who are better off away than a part of your life.
my mantra for such people, such situations
good riddance of bad rubbish"
i love you baby
@Blasphemous: True that.. thanks man, thanks a ton :-)
ReplyDelete@TheBestSisterEver: do you know how much your comment cheered me up? No you don't. Because that's the only thing that made me smile through out the day, and trust me I'm having a bad one!
I'm glad I'll always be a kid to some of you, there's no more that I'd ask for. I love you too and thanks for being what you are. It's a blessing to all of us, trust me :)
some changes are for the best..actually all changes are..we see that sooner or later:-)
ReplyDeleteTo tell is easy, to feel is hard and to exactly act as we feel is the hardest -- I know how difficult is to let go of something and to accept cheerfully the way things are!! Acceptance takes a lot of guts and you are brave enough to go through all this Nil.. In a matter of time, everything will feel light and there is this whole world out there to make you cheerful and at the same time make you feel little low. But remmeber as you quoted from Bob Marley - what do you want the world to do to you?
ReplyDeleteGiving a big hug from here to you dear :) As Sulagna Di said you will forever remain a cutie pie to many out there..
...it's only too bad when you learn that the hard way :-)
ReplyDelete