The inheritance of loss.

THE INHERITANCE OF LOSS

This too,shall pass.

Yet again, I find the inheritance of loss. A loss that I had never inherited. I had lost everything.had nothing to lose. But then I found in the boulevard of broken dreams . . . .

The inheritance of loss.

I was never a girl of loss. I was always known as the girl of Victory.

A girl who always thought that by breaking some knees by playing football with guys will make her daddy proud. A girl who did not mind beating the lights out of someone if her brother got mocked by others for having a different nature.A girl who always wanted to be strong for her family, her friends and herself.

Never mind that sometimes my knees used to shake themselves. But I still knew that I would be able to stand stable and tall. Never mind that I used to get up at midnight and cry at times, but I always knew that I’d go back to sleep again and see a brighter day the next day. Because I always remembered what my mother said; “this too, shall pass. . .”

My mother passed away when I was 12. I was very close to her. She used to tell me all about life. The different faces, how to handle them. The various places she’s travelled around the world..The men she met, the friends she came across.Every morning she used to give me some piece of advice that would help me in life; somewhere, somehow. Her death was more like a death sentence, a silent torture to me. I did not cry in her funeral. When a drop of tear would come out of my eye, I would just wipe it off. Though the person affected the most in the family, was I. Because she was the only way of comfort to me. The only person to whom I could cry after acting strong the whole day.

I miss her. But now I have learnt how to live without her. I’ve also learnt how to cry now. And gather myself up after that. I know life now.

Jimmy; John Brown; my ex boy friend was a big support then. We met in Los Angeles when I went there for a student exchange program. I was pretty depressed. He was a student in the school I had gone for the exchange program. I stayed with his family, and gradually fell in love with him. Not the usual mush puppy love.Much of a sincere and faithful love.

We are really good friend now. He regularly writes to me about his life there and his girlfriend;Victoria he’s been steady with for 2 years now.He’s still my best friend, my first sweetheart, my first love. He’s still the best source of inspiration to me.

All my 3 brothers, and my younger sister are married, and have a lovely family to themselves. My father is doing okay, he enjoys being retired and at home; Doing something he always wanted to- Sing. Our family meets in family dinners.. Which always end up teary because dad misses mum a lot. I usually get up and hug him…I can smile when we talk of mum now. I’ve realized it’s okay.

With so many years passed..It’s been about 24.. If not anything, I’ve learnt just something very simple. I’m a woman, I’m 35,unmarried, a traveler, and pretty much the man of the family. I have learnt to be proud to inherit loss –Inherit loss from time, and have learnt that at the end of the day, every human inherits loss from life, in some way or the other. For some, it can be a sister dying, to some it might be losing a job, to some it might be an unsuccessful marriage. But somehow,someway,we all inherit loss. And to what we do with that is what we figure-what I did with mine was not suicide/ abandoning family/running away/denial; but I took it as an obvious something, and moved on. And that loss too, passed. Yes, it passed with time.

Move on, you guys. Let’s move on.

[P.S--the title "The Inheritance of loss" was a book by Kiran Desai which I never ended up reading..however I loved the name. Hence,used it :) just to let you guys know! ]

A pathetically usual Christmas eve =)

Believe me,this is an absolutely good for nothing post. So here goes :) ---

So maybe after a good 4 months,I got a lonely evening to myself where I did nothing but nothing :D

Starting from a lazy, long lunch with dad...

and then Yes,I watched Juno, did an excellent job at becoming totally emo about teenagers and going preggers.

Sigh

Then what? I was mourning mentally on the emotions of being a mother,due to which I actually put myself into some use in the house, trying to help my mother-- However resulting to be kicked out and sent to m room to go to hell.

"Who are you trying to kid?"

And then I threw the duster and went back to my ole buddy Laptop! xD

Yes,

Then about an hour and a half on the internet, searching the most pathetic videos on Youtube [ Pigs Flying ] and annoying people on Facebook.

Then, Ms.Mrinalini Abot decides to call me and then accusing me of the bill she gets. I give her a whole lecture explaining what an ass of a retard she is calling me from her school practices and that staying over friend's for 14 whole days just proves the fact that she needs help.

I pity over her mother,and promise to send her sweets via international links someday when I'm rich. Mrill attacks me of being "A rotten cherry" - which thunders my laughter for bang 15 minutes.

Finally I say "Fuck off sweetness,go study some Geography" and hang up, and the woman calls back accusing me of the bad weather which apparently got her hair soggy. .

*Laughs to herself*

And then people call Me Random and stupid.

So,that conversation really lit up my day, and I'm glad she called.

I love you my hotstuff :P Mwahahah! I'm so proud that you can be weirder than me :D

However,don't think you're in the league just cause of a petty convo of weird and abstractness. I'm unbeatable,and you're filthy incompetent in the field of Weirdness =D

^Kidding love! .... Not. x)

After all these personified alarms of Mental Help, my parents decide to go for the Family Christmas Eve outing to CP. Which suited me just fine,untilll I stepped outside.

My eyebrows froze, and I remembered the fight I had with mum about a sweatshirt being pathetically insufficient for a day like today and that I was a Problem Child.

:|

O,Shit.

My thought process was interrupted by the irritating nudging of my good for nothing brother who handed me my sweater.[The Dorkiest one,but the Good-for-nothing statement above boo's at me now]--Not good >:

So anyway, we went to CP,did the usual rituals we do every year- Drove around the inner and outer circles,burgers at Mc.Donalds, my inevitable shopping and my parents natural nagging :)

So yeah,it was just like the other years.

So,all in all,i had a nice evening :) Although CP was not crowded this time,which sorta ruins the charm, but whatever,i had a nice time :)

What about you guys?

What didja lot do Christmad eve?

Clear skies and Santas to y'all! ;)

Jingle Bells,

-Nil.

[P.S-- Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of ye fellows out there!!]

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Santa laugh,however lame :|

;)

Words.

This post is dedicated to all those posts of you all which have made me think and realize more and more with every day passing and every blog update that a feeling can be reborn by words and a feeling can be burnt by words.. I have always passioned writing. Today,when I look back in time,I don't think I would have ever had the confidence to pen down my thoughts and scribble them in untidy handwriting and still having the courage to show it to my freinds/teachers and feeling confident about my ideas and innovations.

Poetry was always a bigger corner of my heart.. However,with time,I realized that wiritng stories have their own charm.. To morph myself in the alphabets of those lines and verses is a satisfaction in disguise to somehow know,I'm writing reality.



I'm in an extremely emotional mood right now,and hence maybe I feel so strongly about a casual post my friend Remya wrote. I have always considered her feelings deep and respected her thoughts on paper, but that post- however so causual and honest-lift me off my feet. I couldn't believe how the words captured my mind,and how it took me back the time line and reminded me of every minute expression during that particular conversation. The humor,the sarcasm,the wittiness,the melancholy-everything.I was in awe. People say "awe" is used for beauty, but indeed the beautiful way how she captured that episode of history left me in awe.
Kudos to you,friend.I'm so proud of you. You make me procrastinate on topics which require justice and hours,just the right amount. As a retard friend- Haha, but indeed you make me proud.

I would also like to thank my English Teacher; Mrs.Suman Anand without who I would have never smiled at my horizon and realized the extent and flite of my capacity. I would have never realized the my thoughts could be a ship which could carry so many voices,which could comfort so many hearts,to let them know,they're not alone.

This post is to all your guys, You guys do a wonderfull job on Blogger. With every day passing and every blog update,our spectrum of perceptions and opinions bridens.. Here's to each one of you who've made the tiniest or the biggest of difference in my life by their words.

Today's evening is your's,
Cheers to you.

Take care,
Nilanjana.

A very sad truth.

It's competence everywhere I look. Everything is being challenged and contradicted. The 21st Century's title as "The age of Technicolor" is being taunted on, and used as a defence,and reply-back to Ego.

Quite a few instances have provoked this post, one of them being Blogger itself. Another being School. The craziest one being home,and the saddest one- being a temple. Yes. Take it or not,yes.

I wouldn't name anyone, that would be very harsh of me. But even at the slightest of a statement, crude replies and ego wars are becoming eye candies to people watching. Anything contradicted,insulted upon gets a common synonym phrase "It's what 21st Century states" to the phrase "I am right. You're just a wannabe."

You know what's the saddest part of it all? I've ended up seeing bizarre faces of a lot of "I used to think" sensible people in this rat race. There aren't phrases like "I am sorry to disagree" or "But I would like to add" -- Na, none. All it contains of is "Shut up! I'm speaking."

I was checking out this blog.. Some American girl. It amazed me at how disparate are people to be heard and to contradict something perfectly correct and harmless just to paint a face of smartness on their canvas.

"Mayans are right"

"Global warming is a result of sun screen, I've researched!"

"Education is making teenagers watch Porn so they know what're physical aspects of a human life!"

-- To all these "Valued Comments" -- Any contradictions asked, the concluded answer is "The 21st century demands you to break stupid logics that are last season and use your smart mind to figure out the truth!.. So shut the fuck up dumb ass"

What these Dumb asses don't get is, 21st century is not all about being hip and make stupid logics just to boast your neurons to the world, it's about understanding History, respecting it with research and concluding it with better logics [if any] in the future.

I agree there are some crazy stuff that the History considers right, and speaking today, I would have rolled my eyes bad ar whoever said such disgraceful and dumbbb things which were actually considered Gnorms of the society at some point of past! But the whole point of this tech smart century is to prove it wrong OR give it the right amount of respect it deserves {if Any} in a lady-like and gentleman like way! There's no point screaming,shouting, writing stupid things with complex vocab Just to make it sound powerfull, you know.

If any of you disagree with me, with all due respect, I acknowledge and salute your opinion. But I would surely request you to think again, Isn't the 21st Century being used as a code word to boo people, lately?

I await your responses.

Cheers to all of you faithful readers! (:

~Democratic Screams~

Nil. (;