Steppin' on 2011

Another five hours and kaboom!, we present you 2011. :)
So like every year, since 2008, I shall now write a farewell note to 2010 and welcome 2011. That's a little hard to do when you can't remember much about the year that went by, but at the same time, remember the slightest of things in the most intricate way possible. (Dear readers, I've stopped making sense) :)

Anyhow. The past year has been no exception to being a roller coaster ride. It had everything, starting from new experiences like the Boards, new people, new things, wants, ambitions, love,drifting apart, friendship, heart breaks, achievements, euphoria, epiphanies..
11th grade was supposed to be the year of adventure and self-realization, yada yada. Well all of that happened. Shit happened. A LOT of it. I was hardly in class the whole year, cause I was either out on a competition or up to something else. 11th grade taught me what's it like to actually fail a subject, and laugh about it. 11th grade initiated new friendships, fun, laughs, jokes, pet names.

Apart from school, year '10 has kicked some serious sense in to me. I figured it's useless screwing your head over things and people. It's just not worth it. At the end of the day we all are individuals with different lives, thoughts, and everybody wants different things. There's no point expecting a lot out of people cause you end up with disappointment. Not always, but that's where the difference lies. The expectations that have to be full filled will be, the one's which don't- there's not point screwing your day and head up for it.
I've learnt to chill. To be on my own, pay heed to things and people who pay heed me and be happy with life around me, and let it be.. Yeap, I sure have learnt to let it be. Things will work out if they have to, and if they don't- I've learnt to move ahead.

Like every year, I made good decisions, and bad ones. And like always, I don't regret them. None at all. Few achievements that  I made this year made me very very proud of myself, and I'm glad I could live up to my own expectations.. There was a point of time when I felt absolutely unworthy and untalented, but it was a phase and it's passed. I've learnt that at times, you need to figure out what you want, and not always worry about the rest of the world. It's not worth it, if it doesn't make you satisfied and happy. There's no point being sad and upset about some nagging thought or reason that keeps you dead and deprives you the adrenal of the living. Cause I swear, as the cliched goes, life's too short- you need to live it. Not for the world, but for yourself. People who have to stay will stay, forcing any body's presence won't etch that person in your book, it'll only erode the feeble remains of the good memories you might have made together. When something ends for the good, it's better to just close it with the final dot and treasure it as an experience that helped you grow and made you smile.

As the past year reflects on my mind, I'm so happy and content.. cause the people in it are the ones I always hoped for. Few people have been a rock solid pillar for me, through thick and thin.. They've truly helped me realize myself and the latent strength that was dormant in me. I've realized that there are some relations that'll never fade away....cause they're a part of what I am now, and they'll grow old with me :)

I might not ever be perfect, I'm not competing for it either. I'm flawed. I'm happy for what I am, and I hope to always toast a cheer to what a beautiful bokeh of colors my life is becoming with each and every second ticking by with the imperfection of perfect people, things, and the time- that's only running, but I'm catching up well with it :)

For those of you who're in my life and those who are about to enter in--- A very happy new year to all of you. It's been a joyride and it just becomes better and better with time, as you guys multiply and my entourage just grows bigger and brighter.
For those of you who aren't --- I wish you all the same, and good luck. And whatever the reason be for drifting apart, for the good or the worst- I am sure to miss you somewhere, some how, in some odd minute of the day :)

Cheers to all of you guys, and lets bring in 2011!

Much love,regards and well wishes,
Nil.

I like to sleep like a log.

Good morning, World. I woke up a bit back and I slept like a frikkking LOG today! After a very long time. Hardly got any sleep last night, so I figured I'd sleep in the sick room in school........but when you have an annual day in a week, the teachers are on the hunt for office bearers. Try coming in sometime during the annual preps, students with badges almost look like slaves being sold in the auditorium to the smartest of teachers. And no, I'm not trying to be funny.
Anyhooo. Coming back to sleeping like a log. I've never been the sort to sleep in the afternoons.. Irrelevant.

Okay so I don't remember studying in school in the past....two weeks? Cause that requires being in class which is a criteria I'm most opposed to when you're given the opportunity to "work" for the grand annual day preps. (LOL grand my rear). But the rehearsals are crazy fun. Today morning was EPIC. The drama teacher's pretty much never been real-life in his whole career, cause his normal self is so effing melo dramatic!
Speaking of which, mind you, I'll be dancing in the beaches of Goa when our Grand Annual Day is executed. I'm just merely helping.
YES. Oh yes, hate me some more darlings, I shall be in Goa in a weeeeeeeeeek! :D 
I've had bloody enough of Delhi, and so I resigned to the beach which is the ultimate feel-good runaway. (had enough of mountains this year!).. I can't even WAIT to be there in the middle of a nice beach, a nice hat, shades, naariyal paani, and a good read!
I can taste heaven already =D

I'm really looking forward to 2011. Cause I'll be off for a trip again in the very first week with school friends. Considering it's my last trip in school life, I'm pretty damn sure there's going to be some Major partying, ladies and gentlemen. And theennnn, I shall come back only to start afresh and hope that year '11 will be better than 2010. I mean not that 2010 was bad, but surely not what I'd preferred. Anyhow, that's alright. I'll be in 12th grade in about six months, or less actually. Yay? maybe not. I'm looking forward to it anyway. 11th was kinda... laid back? really REALLY laid back. I mean sure there was a lot to work for, but 12th grade's going to sort of be.. a bigger push to work on something and kick some ass, if you know what I mean?

Yes, I ramble a lot when I wake up. A LOT.

okay it's about to be 11 and I shall go back to sleep now and look forward to the Delhi trippy that's due tomorrow : )

Gnite, World.
Peace out.

Wild and flawed.

A perfect isolation, a perfect sculpture, a perfect skin, a perfect language, a perfect person.

What a waste. :) 


What's isolation without the anxiety of interference?
What's a sculpture without a missing angle to think more about the artist?
What's skin without the signs of youth or age?
What's language without tongue twisters that make you smile?
What's a person without accepting a perfect blend of flaws and perfection with love? What's a perfect person worth if you can't feel a human touch? 


I adore flaws, I adore wild. For perfection is something that I might appreciate but rather not have. Not by the world's definition, no.  For perfection to me is a mosaic with just enough colors to confuse me and help me think straight. Perfection, to me, is a hue that lasts just long enough for me to want to remember it as long as my mind allows and my heart enjoys. Perfection to me is a mad glint of brilliance and innocence on an uncared face which still commands respect.
For perfection, to me....is wild and flawed. Very very flawed. :) 

-Nil. 



We want some rant!

Do you know how annoying can winter get? Specially for people like me who don't believe in sweaters? Every time I go on Facebook, I see cheesy people ranting on about how winter reminds them of love, romance, memories, songs, sobs, sobs, sobs, blah blah yada yada. Which is awesome for them. No offense, really. And in usual days, it wouldn't bother me. I give a penguin's feather to what people think of winter. And weirdly enough I actually started liking the season. But no. Winter feels crap now cause it's just so.......woolen.
yea, I'm weird. deal with it.

And JUST when I'm in a mood to rant about all the miseries and fortunes of my life, my darrrling mother calls to tell me that I'm supposed to move my rear and get ready for a wedding to which I don't intend to go to. But some how, I have a very funny feeling that she'll chop my head of into tiny pieces and feed them to my loving dog who's always hungry and happy.
If you haven't figured already, I'm talking from in between my teeth, and just cause I sound sweet doesn't really mean that I'm very happy about the on-goings of my crazy residence at this very moment when I can hear TV shows at full volume, my brother listening to his bike roar (he's always been peculiar), the dog barking and not to mention THE COLD.
AND IN THAT COLD, I AM TO DRESS UP FOR A FREAKING WEDDING AND LOOK PRESENTABLE WHEN ALL I WANT TO DO right NOW IS BURY MYSELF INSIDE A HEATER AND BLOG FROM THERE, if there's any connection.

I'm sorry if that hurt your eardrum. Actually, I'm not.
So this week has been eventful. VERY nice, actually. Getting into details will make me happy, but today is one of those days that I'd rather be grumpy in. You know what I mean, right? so don't text me, do yourself that favour. Or else, you shall receive a reply in upper case which will be a spectrum of delightful screams and shouts. Thank you very much.

Now. I should switch my computer off which gets to sit at home and chill every day, without having to worry about food, clothing, grades, people or WEDDINGS.

I'm irritated.
Bye.

The asylum's sleep.

He read her name in the newspapers.. Sipping his black coffee, the one with the perfect blend, he flinched. Confused if it was the bitterness of the taste, or the bitterness that penetrated his insides. He knew her..Oh he knew her so well. The long years of bereft had left him puzzled staring at the newspaper.. the old dust of comfort, the comfort of escaping had only been too thick to be splashed over with water and the carvings of memories to be revealed.

"You know Tarun, you're forcing and letting go off people. People who're trying to hold on to you so tight that they're the one's who bled. And the stains of those remain on the cloth you just merely shrugged off.. but when the time comes, and when the smell of those blood stains get unbearable, you'll try to wash them away but they'll keep disappearing and appearing again.. and again.. that will ultimately lead to lunacy."  - he remembered what Rajji mama told him once..


His phone rung. He didn't pay attention to it, and kept staring at the photograph. The photograph of that one woman he hadn't slept with. Of that one woman he hadn't hidden anything from. Of that one woman he found a best friend in. Of that one woman he tore out of his life. 


He remembered those long walks in the street behind her house. The one time when they both walked in silence with their respective packets of  uncle chips. The one time when they both had so much to talk about that they literally completed each other's sentences.
He remembered all those 18 years of winter, summer, spring, autumn. They literally saw each other grow up.

His phone rang the second time. He ignored it, yet again.
..... He heard the heaven's growl, up above. They were soon going to cry to the dominating black clouds. Just as denial stepped into his eyes...his heart. Just as he chose to be oblivious. Just as he slowly and strongly detached her from the delicate mirage of raw cotton threads loosely knot together- his life. Just as he stopped responding to her efforts.....and just how finally, one day, she gave up... and cut his call the one time that he bothered calling back. That was the last call he made.

~*~*~*~*

"Oh Mr. Shah, the bell for dinner rung twice! Why haven't you reported yet?!" -- the nurse came bustling in and ranting. The nurse of the asylum.

"What? Who are you!? What are you doing in MY house? Security!!" 


"Oh dear you haven't had your medications for the day have you darling? .. oh dear.." - The nurse said sympathetically, reaching out for the sedatives.

"Medications? What, don't you see? I'm enjoying my coffee and reading about my old friend! who are You?!" 


The nurse looked at the glass of water that he fumbled to hold like a coffee mug.

"Mr. Sha---" 


"OH so it was you who tried calling me! Don't you understand it's not nice to disturb people while they're busy, m'love? I'm meeting an old friend after a long time" ; he said, a dangerously lopsided smile as a mad glint trickled into his eyes.

"No, Mr. Shah. You don't have a phone. It was the dinner bell. This is not your house. You're here in a mental asylum, and you're doing really well for recovery, Mr. Shaa--- " 


"NO NO NO! I'M IN MY HOUSE! I ... I AM TARUN SHAH. DON'T YOU TOUCH MY COFFEE! YOU CAN NEVER MAKE THE PERFECT BLEND! LET ME LOOK AT MY MANJARI! I'VE SEEN HER AFTER SO LONG. .OH GOD OH I.. I .. missed my dear dear friend so much!" ; as he resigned to violent tears......

"Guards! some help here.. the periodic attack, come quick!" - the nurse yelled out. And the guards followed to handle something that they were only too used to, and were well practiced for.. It was getting worse with Tarun's age..

As the asylum heard the cries and shouts of Tarun Shah the second time that day, the sedatives slowly lulled him to sleep. Sleep that was dreamless, uncomfortable, and filled with an unexplained longing. The longing to reach out, to reach back to those 18 years of the four seasons when life was only simpler, and escaping was never an option for him.... When he'd never give up on his bestest of friend, Manjari..

While Manjari's face on the newspaper smiled- white and lifeless- as the headlines screamed the death of a famous dancer. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Photography Credits: Niloy Ghosh Dastidar.
And I'd like to take this perfect opportunity to introduce this amazing photographer's (a very dear best friend of mine) recently started Photo Blog. You can check it out Here. I'd advice you not to miss it! :)

Awaiting all your feed backs on this one!
-Cheers,
Nil.