I was such a child.

I was such a child.
You were on my pedestal, your face was an inspiration. I was such a child.
You were someone who said 'hush,sweetheart' , and I smiled and kept quiet. I was such a child.
You subtly entwined my dreams along with yours, and it never dawned on my nerves. I was such a child.
I chased all those dreams, and worked towards something that was never to be mine. I was such a child.

Your home was apparently mine, however my voice could never be recognized there. I laughed it away with comical foolishness.
Your hands were to lead me to the better, but they always lay so cold, harsh and misleading on mine.
You said our love was native, I nodded like a child. I never belonged to your land.
Your impudent ignorance, I forgave on the names of Time.
Your immodest talent was applauded for by me, like a child's ultimate joy.
I was such a child.

Today,
your face mocks at my innocent faith,
your words in the past laugh boisterously priding on its hypocrisy.
While you my friend,
your body, your hands, your legs, your chest.... frisk through a nascent world,
a world you said was once your nightmare,
today you frisk, float, indulge and submerge into its layers,
...while my inspiration in you is as dead as my belief in your words.


 -Nil.

Take me,

Take me,
take me to those meadows that call,
those meadows where the mustard flower is life,
those meadows where my peach colored frock,
would dance wild with my scraped knees.

Take me,
take me into that ocean where whales call,
where corals look beautiful,
where mermaid stories are told,
where I can float up and above without having to peek outside the blue,
and look for a ship.

Take me,
take me to my friend who stood waving me goodbye,
last time when I went away and promised to write.
That friend who smiles with me,
in that old parchment nailed to my bed. I've missed him.

Take me,
please just take me away,
to where my lips wouldn't tremble,
where my eyelashes wouldn't hold wishful broken dreams,
where my brows wouldn't spoil with sadness.

Take me,
to that utopia where the tooth fairy exists,
where Cinderella found her shoe,
where I'd be Alice,
and that would be my wonderland.

Just please, you.
Just please, take me away. For I want to dream, once more.

-

-Nil.

The best of all 17 birthday cakes.

Remya traveled across the city at 10 in the night, almost got duped and reached my house catching me off guard with dinner in my hand just so she could be there at midnight to wish me birthday. She just appeared, out of nowhere, with her typical retarded bright grin screaming "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYY!! HAPPPYYY BIIRRTHHDDAYY!!" and waking up the whole house of fourteen people from their slumber of work on a usual day. My mother followed in clapping her hands laughing aloud with her and then my father followed while the whole house floated in grins, delight, and laughter.. THAT was why my parents would kick me out of my own room every time Remya called in the past week, it was a Midnight surprise that she planned with my parents. I was too stunned to react, I stood there with chicken in my hand and mouth wide open. And after about 3 minutes of a billion "What the...." moments repeated in my head, I gained control and gave her a h-u-g-e hug. I was ecstatic.. And then she gifts me one of the best presents I've received in all the 17 years of my life- A black and white photo of us, where she was whispering something into my ear and it said- "To my sweetest Cara... For you, a thousand times over." - After which I was too emotional to say anything and kept repeating "Are you serious?" ..I cut the cake at 12am with my family, and sneaked upstairs to my room with Rem by 12:30. She stayed the night over. We had a sweet slumber party with giggles and heart to hearts, of sleepy photo shoots and laughs.
Calls and texts flowed in, the randomest to the most expected people wishing me. A teacher remembered, a teacher who I hadn't been in touch with for a looong while.. Rob sneaked out upstairs just so he could call :P
Then Debo Da asked me to check Facebook, and I see his profile photo as a photo of us,again. Which said, "HAPPY BUDDAYY TO THE LITTAALL ONNEE!". And there, added a cherry to my cake.

His and Niru Di's surprise (tickets to Blue Mug!!!) followed the next day, which flipped me over yet again. You two are just adoraaabbllee. No wait, LEGGEENNDDHHAARRYY!!! ;)

Then the next day- School. Hugs. Wishes. Cards. Treats. Bunks. RAIN. Random singing of "Happy Birthday" in the middle of the corridor, courtesy- Rem,Vantz,Guinz,Reddy,Raya,Chatur, and just random people joining in and making me melt in the middle of somewhere..

Then, back home. Huuuuggeee party scheduled at 6pm. A party themed the 60's! I was dead nervous about how things would turn up, dad was unwell, people started coming in and the music wasn't ready. The huge sunflower that was supposed to be stuck to my head wasn't working out. My brothers worked like dogs, managed the music, Remya came in, and asked me to chill. And the sunflower..eventually got around to it :P
By Seven, everybody moved to the terrace, and surprisingly enough everybody had done a bloody darn good job at looking Retro! My cousin sister was in Del too, so she kicked up some dresses with us too! The girls looked gorgeous and the guys were absolutely handsome! So finally the party kick started, food, games,DANCE! It was crazy when Rob enters with his bomb. He hands me his gift, I open it, and I see a charcoal sketch of me... yes, he sketched ME. And that was what he was hiding in his room,locked since what? a week I guess. My mouth was struck open for the second time and finally when I did compose myself, all he did was shrug and smile,followed by a biggggggg hug.. Even now when I think about it I get the chills. It's gorgeous, and.. I don't think anyone's ever bothered sketching me,before. So yeah. I reached cloud Nine. Also, the Khandelwal sisters got me another divine frame of pictures that I'd wanted since time immemorial! They've always been pros at them - "Making birthday frames since 1994" ;)
All the gifts were gorgeous, most of the gifts were emotional. SO very emotional. And exotic (Vantz and Shiiiv ;) and a lottt of literature and nose studs :P (Stuti,Joy,Neha,Sheks,Chiks), diaries <3 (Kanishka), perfumes (Chatur), Chocolates! (Mantaaah), etc etc, the list goes on!
..............We all danced into the night. I danced with my favorite ladies on the most cheap 60's songs ever! And the awkward boys who took so much effort to dress up eventually came around to dancing their butts off too! :P
The birthday cake was cut, with the birthday song, followed by my ladies singing me out patent song "Sweetie" :-P
Then,I was blindfolded and was taken downstairs to discover a huge Projection screen set up. Everyone was giggling and I had NO idea whatever was up.. And then, started a slide show. A slideshow that my sister made for my birthday, starting from pictures right when we were kids to now when we were grown ups.. and that's it, I couldn't stop, I burst into tears! After what seemed like eons of hugging and sniffing, we all went back upstairs carrying on with dinner and dessert.. Some more dancing,some more talking.. and slowly people started hugging me goodbyes.
And then started another few hours of Family Partying with lovely dinner and post-birthday photos :P
.....and then once the party was over and I was back in my shorts, I get a call from Milda to come down. The party never really stops when she's around now does it? :)


And so, after what seemed like another few decades of things I don't even remember, I hit the bed. Content. Happy. And High.
High to best birthday ever, to those 17 friends who made it with a lot of difficulties just to be there on my day, to my family who worked so very hard to just see me smile like a child and to just someone out there, who's been watching me all along.
Here's to the best birthday cake of all the 17 crazy, wild,insane years and still counting!

This is to all of you, All of you who wished,who were there,and those who wished to be.... cheers :)

There were too many pictures and they'd take up ages to upload on Blogger, so here's all of us. Together :)

-A 17 year old-Nil :}

Dear Diary

As I roll to the other side of the bed, hoping for a hint of sleep to lure me into the lost battle of dreams, I find my eyes smiling at the solitary black of the night chaperoning yet another wave of thoughts that manage to hit the shore of an exhausted mind struggling to breathe alive to the day that extinguished hours before the street lights came to life.

The night is far away from the newspaper boy in the early morn. The night seems to be dancing in glory and celebration for a reason quite uncanny to my mind which preaches logic that make sense and somehow aids in competing with the forceful cobwebs of city life.
The deluded pillow laughing at the false alarm of my sleep seems uncomfortable tonight… Echoing every noise and cry I heard, today.
The blanket resigns to no signs of abashment to have failed to provide that one hope to sleep- warmth.
It lies cold, somehow voicing a state of mind.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, the mind abruptly abjures all the uneasy chaos and turmoil of activity, that was hard to decide if belonged to the heart or mind.. and I twist just one more time before I force my eyes shut to find what I’m looking for on my own, and not leave it to the darkness that finds my pupil every night. 


-Nil.

Bring on the grind!

Honestly, one of the best Wednesdays of my life, and this called for an update post!
Summer break- over. School started this 4th of July, and it's been awesome. Decent amount of classes and studying, decent amount of bunks and free periods, the ideal mix has been generous on us. Getting back to school,I realized just how much I missed those corridors and the classes that were pretty much home. The typical face I make when I enter school, Rob standing on the corridor in front of his classroom, checking if I was on a Blue or not and then laughing when he figured I was. Remya smiling the brightest happy dent smile to greet me with abuses, Vantz gesturing the retarded heart symbol,Guina lurking around like a ghost, the Khandelwaal sisters crying at everything, Joy buzzing around like a mosquitoe and Reddy with her evil laughter and eye rolls. Oh yes, it felt like home alright!

So today, school was fruitless and that was the best part. We practically had the whole day free, it was raining, and we were chilling on the big field steps,wet and soggy :-P  Not to mention Chatur's retarded tricks to beat me at "snapping fingers" and dancing like a perverted lunatic all over the corridors (yo. you're cool- in my defense) Then I saw the book by SCHOLASTIC in which my fiction was printed as one of the stories in the 'New Arrivals' section and it felt Awesome. To see my name as an author in a book which was there in the library and the kids would see- I swear,I hit heaven. Straight. No lefts,no rights, just bang on Heaven :-)
Also, the usual train of inter school competitions setting in to Remya and my list, not to mention the insane excitement for the Interact Cohesion where Rem's gonna kick ass with the whole show and I plan to do a choreography for the dance that's going to get the judges on their knees (Modesty,much?)

So school was over and then Rem came over cause we had our mutual friend's birthday to crash. (Littttuuull retarded Mantaaaaaah,happy birthday shitface! We love you! and please party your ass off, since you've hit you-know-what) :-P
It was thee most retarded Wednesday evening where we were hopping from my house to Gk1,then Manta's house, then M.O.D, creeping the other boys out, then screaming at uptight auto walas, and then getting back home to discover Remya chatting up secrets with my mother,which by the way, was not cool. At all. I feel nervous and she claims it's something pleasant. Uh. :/

So now that life's back to normal, with my favorite bunch around, and school and..just.. happiness? :-)
SO bring on the Grind,12th grade! I'm going to kick your butt and pin you down :-) .... So now that I plan to turn into a really cool nerd, wish me luck cause I'm going to study my happy face off, party in the weekends, and study like a nerd again all week. Okay, maybe party every once in a month :/
But whatever, words can't bring me down ;)
Oh and the Book of complete collection works of Jane Austin thanks to my love Vantz only adds on to the retarded grin on my face right now :-D
It felt good today! Today feels so good. Cause as Rem puts it- "Because, somewhere out there, it's a better world".

Oh oh oh and since I'll be pretty busy to write Update posts for a while now, brace yourself for a LOT of fiction coming up. At least for the next 3 posts. Heh. Sit with popcorn and coke :-P

Remya clicked today!

Love always,
Nil. :-)