The month that was, the one saved by Floyd.

January. January. January.

Remains of New Years night :')

I have a resigned smile on my face as a type this, for I have an overwhelming amount to say. Hell, I have so much to say. It makes me a little nervous to think that just maybe this month was (already) the high point of 2012. The very night of 31st December bought in a whirlpool of epiphanies (the kinds that made my jaw touch the ground. No,literally.) I've been keeping those epiphanies in my pocket (drafts on Blogger ForTheWin.) and the fact that I've only updated twice in the whole month kind of makes a poker face at the obvious.

My Homies from ze Batch of 2011-2012 :')

School's over. Yes. I'd always imagined typing this on blogger ...but now that I have, it doesn't feel as real as I thought it would. Scribble Day and Farewell happened on 27th, and with that ended a constant undertone of comfort that's been since 14 years. Though it hasn't quite sunk in yet, probably wouldn't for a while. But it's been drifting in and out of my mind, appalling me, and disappearing again.

And now, what's left of the next month- February- is for an intimate relationship with textbooks, occasional Mind-Screws, rare empty fridges, owl hours and aloofness from the worldly household. Should be fun, eh? :|
But then I'll do it. I'll do it just so April the 16th feels right, feels legendary, feels the way I've been anticipating for it to be. (Multiple reasons here, don't sweat it bros.)

Besides all of that, it's the same old at my end. But then again, feels drastically different. Too many changes in one go are kinda leaving me on my toes trying to peek as far as I can at the rough sketch of Highs and Lows coming up. The fact that I have no idea where I'd be 3 months from now doesn't help. But that's when the stereo in my head plays Floyd and the rest is History. :)
January started from Floyd. January has been saved by Floyd. At multiple levels, it's almost unreal. But it's kept me sane with very sweet insanity. :)
(Don't try and read between the lines, your eyeballs will turn around your sockets, believe me.)

So yes! That was a quick catch up that I owed big time to this strange month :)
The next month's blog archive is rather unpredictable. It can be a whole lot of fiction or multiple back-to-back rants (bless yer souls, if so.)
But that's for later. Till then, adios World. Kindly go make the most out of the fact that you're not stuck in a Board year which immediately alters every word and action you're entitled to, and honor that gorgeous detail with a whole lot of partying and happiness!
While I.. yeah, well. I'll just be hogging on Milano/ dissing at the world/ writing like a lover/disappearing from the face of the Earth and yeah- Studying. A whole lot at that. -.-

Photo by Vanta.
Our ultimate Big Field staircase chill sessions in school.. of bunks/recess/monsoon happiness. Sigh.

Signing off,

Nil. 

P.s- "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year." 

Myriad coherence.

Myriad Coherence. 

You walk straight into that anatomy,
the skeleton of withered roads,
the grid of an architect,
an emancipated soul, his.

You finally find an avenue,
one that is prolonged,
one that seems comfortingly solitary,
one that would let you walk,
in conversation with annihilated philosophies of reason.

You find blessedness,
under the concave mosques of Cedars,
your mind is unperturbed,
while your heart is the capitol of your reality.

Heaven is lucid, heaven is simple.
It's been within you for so long,
you just haven't let it breathe.
You've begged for it to be quiet,
among your preoccupation of Chases.

But then you tame your mirth,
you look daggers at the momentary mirage,
as you see a fork ahead,
and you must choose again,
your much celebrated avenue ends there.

But then the bitterness dissipates,
your frown finds place in laughter,
in your naive understanding of the globe around,
where each and every alley,
finds another route,
engages in confluences,
despite your prejudices.

Heaven is lucid, heaven is simple.
It's been within  you for so long,
heaven has been... in this myriad coherence.


-Nil.

Shine On You Crazy Diamond.

"Can't a man just be happy?" was his answer to my risen eyebrow, questioning the abrupt subito smile of his, which had a question lurking somewhere in that crescent shaped happiness of his.  A question whose alpha was the night of celebration, the last night of the year. The night when every face had a haze of intoxicated wonder; of happiness, sadness, retrospect, nostalgia, regret, contentment. The night when the cause of each and every emotion felt could be found in the flirtatious sweet little nothings of the night, of that one person you somehow find in the confluence of so many people who cheer to every mistake and every hour of joy for the year that was.

The clock struck 12, and the world rose their toasts, embraced, some kissed, and some... sat in silence, and waited for the wishes to end, the year to start, and for something to begin.. Something, that came without a flag, without a warning. In his case, it was a song. And quite subtly, that song entangled me into its trance of thoughts which brew like quiet vapors of romance, of hushed smiles, and of sweet..very sweet denial.

The room was dark, all the light we knew was that of the shy remains of the Christmas tree, which glorified the shadow of an eyelash here, a frown there, and a smile hangin' in the whispered conversations and deep warm breathing of the other that sent ripples of goosebumps on my skin before it could recuperate from the one before. Fragments of conversations would be remembered the next day, which is why we gave in and let the alcohol speak, and counted on amnesia for the next day's laughs and winks.

If there was to be an hourglass for that night, it would be a weeping one. We'd make the sand stay clenched in between our fingers, we'd hold on till the last call of the pupil to beg for some slumber, we'd hold on till we could refrain the urge of floating into sweet unconsciousness, we'd hold on to time till we found its track again.
Hours sweeped, and our arrogant ignorance to it was never too appalling to the both of us. Ironic how the first sunrise of the year was ignored in pure bliss, perhaps because there was too much of warmth in the fluidity of words that brushed past the blushes on our cheeks ever so often.

The night ended, dawn cracked, morning peeled itself, bold rays of sunlight pinched our irises which still protested to stay unbolted, to be stared at, to be looked into.

And while the day took onto newer revelations...epiphanies from the last night flirted around the corners of our minds dancing to the quiet tunes of that one song... Shine on you crazy diamond.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And there y'go. First piece of the new year!
-Nil. 

2012, ahoy!

I was wrong. The last thing 2011 was, was unnecessary. It was as for me to step into the shoes of the person I am, today as for me giving winter a chance and just try and like it a tad bit. Keeping all the preaching, and philosophy away; 2011 was a year that slapped me in the beginning, caught me off guard (heh, understatement.) and jerked me back to the person I actually am.

2011 had everything a year could possibly fit in the calender. Love, hate, first timers, heart ache, anger, friendship (a gazellion tonnes at that), adventure, mad laughter, sloshed tears, memories with people least expected, good good times, coincidences, intentional actions, brewing romance, quiet tongue bites, a whole lot of self realization.


Of Memories: 
Hopped into a bus not knowing where it went, seen in a coffee shop alone with a map perked up my nose, wildest worldcup with a house full of boys, random weekend day outs with my favorite ladies,showing up at every exhibition in the city, Jeffry Archer Book launch with Rem, Delhi's Dhobighaat, first pool party ever,MENS FRIKKIN LOO, 8 day extended party with Raima, Remya showing up close to midnight on my birthday, Illegal Pahargunj with Vanta & Guina, library 'dates', nailing most competitions with Remya, Robin's birthday special with our hats, travelling around Delhi with my walking-talking lovebugs, BIG BANG THEORY and Masterchef loops at Robin's almost everyday at 1, Calcutta's Coffee House romance, jams with Maiden, Maggi at Shiv's, Roy's studio, Remya's text "I'll wait till New Years if I have to", every goddamn day at school,Shruti Di's birthday surprise, NEW YORK CHEESECAKE!,  writing like a lover, Joy's birthday, Rohan's Patiala jokes, morning blues at the school corridor,GAY conversations with the ladies, FRAPES, Singing 'Sweetie' on my birthday,CHA CHA night with Robin, walking in and out of Math class, weekend at sister's, screaming SINGLE IS SEXY, End Of School Bucket List, getting called to the Principal's office for getting into trouble- for a change, canteen march 'S*** P****!' with the girls and Chatur,27/7 coffee chills, evening Chai, showing up at Guina's before every practical exam with a sly grin, COOKING at Robin's kitchen like nobody's business, Robin's WHIPPED stunt, Orrisa First Timers, karaoke night with sisters, Aliya, SKYPE, back to back dinner and lunches with Neha and Sheks, partying like an animal at Chika's, randomly crashing Vanta's place anytime at the oddest off hours,email marathons with Mantah,tearing up diaries worth 6 years with Neha,CONTI, my poem making it to the Commendable Section for the Ruskin Bond Writing Competition,last solo performance in school.. *and counting. 


These weren't even half the memories, but the ones I could remember in a single go with five minutes in hand before I'm called to run my happy rear downstairs for a Bonfire with my humongous family which is very happy by the way, and Happy Bengali people means loud business. But I can't remember of any other year when I'd close my eyes and such a whirlpool of so many memories swirled in. This year had the middle name of Self Realization. It's been a year when I was on my own, completely; and I couldn't be more grateful. There were decisions, harsh ones.. but I bow down to the same old; it's happened for the best- Word.


So enter, 2012. I've experienced everything the last year could possibly be capable of... you, 2012 better be competition to all of that. I usually don't have any resolutions, most 31st Decembers are devoid resolutions for me. I make resolutions as the year kicks in, but this time... I have one.
It's to never give up on happiness for things that don't promise to stay. 
For that matter, to never give up on happiness at all.
For it's that one faith, that's going to be your saving grace :)


There are too many people who made this year so insane. Who held straight faces when I tried cracking the punchline of Pjs (which I suck at beyond infinity.), who kind of dragged me along every time I'd stop walking, who thought a pint of beer was a solution to every problem in life, who posted black gay hearts on my Facebook or sent me absolutely racist text messages just to crack me up and say Hi, who fought with me like cats and dogs and said the most hurtful things and ended up calling me up and going 'errr...so cold coffee today evening?' and vice versa, who made me coffee late at night just to make sure I didn't fall asleep with the book on my face, and just.. a lot of people who took care of me and stuck around in a way that was extraordinary. You all know who you are, I thank you, crazy people. I know I've been a retarded nut to handle :)

Happy new year, World.
Stay blessed and sing in the songs for 2012 ahoy! Let's get groooooooovy ;)

-Love love love, all you need is love!♥
Nil.


P.s- Come to think of it..... 2011 was rather kickass!