Flame fleeced.

History.
The one word that brings back ruthless, bold, unabashed flashbacks of you. And him. Or her. Or whoever. You must have loved, or you must have thought you loved. All of us do, all of us love the idea of falling in love. So getting back to the point; History.
We're often so sure about the concept of it being the past, that we often forget; once we see it staring at us in the present. You see that one face, and there, you find yourself thinking of what was. How you were, how this person staring back at you used to be, with you. You give yourself the liberty to feel appalled at how that face is the same, and yet nothing about it reminds you of the person it belongs to. Perhaps a crease or two more, on the forehead. Maybe some more impatience in them pair of eyes, than you remember. The lips could possibly be more dry, and the ears could seem naked because there isn't any hair sitting on them, hiding away their shapelessness.
And yet, you push your grounds by still considering that your faith on that face may be stronger than its appearance.

But as you blink a few more times and don't let the light leaks of your ridiculous faith blind you, you slowly realize that the face that once moved you so much is gone. The flame that burnt high and low, quivered on top but kept still to the wax...is gone. There's nothing that overwhelms you about that face anymore, there is nothing that makes you want to cry. The expression in your heart is smug. It wants to walk away, and carry on with the life you finally moved on with, in the absence of that face.
You feel like you're sitting on the other side of the window, and the only way you look at the other side is through an old, lace curtain. It flies around with the wind, letting you peek at the real thing once in a while, but it's hidden again, and it stays that way. And you realize, it's not hidden anymore, it's gone.

Flame fleeced. The remains of that blaze are nowhere to be seen around you, for they withered away with that side of you which became history, along with that person's departure in your life, once.

You realize, you slowly fell out of love. Because beyond a point, that face didn't love you back, and you couldn't love thin air, could you now? 

-Nil.

A tall glass of water.

She spoke much fondly of bees, she often cackled to the buzz and drew yellow and black ones on her palms. Uninterrupted would be the curled strand of lock that played high and low tides on the left side of her face, while her long legs escorted wild thoughts with the pace she sauntered at, in and around the world.
Her bifocals were just as much a part of her face as her arched eyebrows; as sure as the tip of her illustrated nose; which always reached a destination a second before the rest of her chassis.
She often let daylight lick her like a cone of strawberry and vanilla. One would oft see her sitting unusually away from most people; soaking the dissonant sun with her long legs stretched and her face separated from the sun by the blinds of her eyes. She peeked with an eye open, once in a while.

To every one who raised an eyebrow at her vicissitude way of life, she'd say "Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side." in Lou Reed's deep voice, and leave just the way she entered; like a whirlwind.
Apart from the 3 fingers on each hand with questionable rings, the other two would mostly be drawn on by neon highlighters. Her obsession with patterns left an impression not only on her apparels but on the bellies she wore which some times had little metallic balls  filed lines or curly circles doodled on them. Every mote of her existence had an ethereal and evanescent element on its toes, and yet she was as real as her loud Aztec leggings or the little ball of silver on the right side of her nose.

She was a strange girl in a stranger world. Everything bizarre was another route to happiness, every print on a cloth was something she'd have to doodle on her wrist that very afternoon and every page of a book was a paper plane with a lot of words on it. Interesting, she thought.
Interesting, she thought. She stopped the world in her head, stretched her long legs on the floor and spoke to the sun.

- Nil. 

See You Soon.

"But don't answer that In a bullet-prove vest, 
With the windows all closed I'll be doing my best and I'll see you soon."

It's been a while, I've been a little aloof, and the fictions were dreamy too, yes. But perhaps University exams do that to you, or maybe it was my annual pre winters blue. But hey, I'm back now only to be gone again. Elaboration being; my end sem exams are done with and I have literally nothing to do for the next month and a half except dance in two big fat family weddings, read lots of books, go all out with jams and chill with my favourite human beings AND write some serious fiction. Which is fine, it's the one thought that I'd been binging on all this while that my exams were on. 
I was in Bombay, a week back. I'm in Calcutta now. I'll be in Delhi in four days. I'll be in Pune in about two weeks.
Needless to say, I'm going to be all over the place and as much as I promise writing like a lover all of December, I can't promise if they'll be typed beyond the pages of my big fat leather diary. Simply because the whole month of December is going to be so fly. But I'll try, for sure. Otherwise... Bonne chance with the Fiction/ Poetry OD in January!

But Calcutta has made me write some. Like always. It's the one place I've always been inspired to come up with some tale out of some crooked thought. I have a feeling this month of December is going to give me a lot to write for, it's a good feeling. It's been a while since I wrote my heart out, I miss that feeling of fulfilment when I am able to pen down exactly what's in my head and put it to paper. So here's hoping that feeling comes home soon, and here's a picture from today. 

Piyushsterr & Nilsterrr meet in another city. 

I don't feel like talking much today, so I think I'll get back to my book now. I'll try to be around, but if I'm not, see you soon. :)

-Much love,
Nil. 

Starry Starry Night

Hello.

Hadn't I promised a photo update some million years ago? Yeah, well there y'go. Last night, my Seeboo Sud came over for a sleepover and decided to (like always) entertain my retarded idea of drawing stars all over each other and hit photoshoot mood. (Yuz, I heart you prettyface.) In my defense, I wanted to experiment with tones and image processing and well, yeah. Now if you're done judging me, you may go right ahead and have a look at all the loco pictures that follow.

-finito-

Oh come on, it was a fun photoshoot. Deep, really deep inside, you know you want to do something like this when you're utterly bored and...well, crazy in general. In other news, college is crazy hectic but I'm loving it without no complaints! Meeting new people continues, and eating super cheap (and yummaayy) food continues just as well. Hopefully, the next post will make some more sense with a few fiction pieces that I've been working on. Yep, feeble light of intellectual engagement by yours truly is what you can hope for the coming week.
I must now take your leave and indulge in some music and quick fiction. Or, I might just go watch Sherlock. (again.) So yes, toodles! Have a good week, and come back for the weekend to read some fiction here, y'all =)

-Love and all that,
Nil.

Happiness is really such a simple thing.

It was the unofficial last day of school. It felt the same, but there were minutes of strangeness when I'd zone out somewhere in the middle of the corridor, or the classroom and realize that after today, the school that I knew would cease to be. I would only go for exams, and rare occasions of doubt classes. But school- the regular bus stand at 7:30am, the recurring morning blues, the often ignored yellow classroom doors and windows,the library, geography lab, the big field, oily Gupta Ji canteen food, mini shop, bur ride back home, the heat, the sweat- and in the middle of all this- those classmates who've become friends family in the past few years.
It was strange to even think that the routine will now be broken. That all of this won't happen, and the thought of a non-uniformed life seemed so alien and... unsettling?

I've lived in the heart of this school for fourteen years. Abused it unconditionally, kicked the bathroom doors a zillion times, scribbled rude drawings of teachers on the black board, solved sums on the tables, and gradually graduated to the Back Benchers Association by grade 12 :-)
I've walked in with pride holding prizes with a collar up, I've cried in the bathroom, I've hid behind the swimming pool, and I've bunked all around the place. And on graceful occasions, sat in class with my chin on both my hands and looked and heard out the (mostly) lovely teachers.

And I've made friends, oh yes. I have. I've made friends with bonds that can stretch further than chewing gums, the ones that used to be stuck under the tables and would inevitably find place in my skirt. (Trips to the Home Science lab for soap would follow.)

And then today once the last bell rang, I couldn't help but let out a nervous smile. And actually stood straight like an obedient child and repeated the prayer on the intercom, for maybe the first time in months. The last school-gives-over prayer.

And THEN. Daftuar's priceless nags began while exiting the gates of the school, yelping as if we were to die the next minute. Emosssanally charged students around were clicking photos as if the school was coming to an end in 2011. (Technically, yea yea.) But it was kind of overwhelming, and finally I cut through the melodrama and crashed Vant's place for a calculated half an hour to just chill and then go home and study like no body's business. And once I got there, the usual shitting around started and abuses to our favorite Mallu lady resumed with the sidelines of PJs and gayness. And just... chill.
And I was happy.
I was happy because although school is coming to an end... I kinda realized it's for the best. I've grasped in as much as I could and seeing those two lady retards, bullshitting racism all over the place with Rem, spending useless hours in the library with Rob,rolling eyes at Chatur for the chimp he is... they leave the epiphany that maybe, this is just the start. These people are going to stay. And that tiny moments through out the last fourteen years have made up a kick-frikkin-ass entourage of my hemisphere. And the other one, I'm on my way to figure.

So really. Happiness is really such a simple thing. And to a question that I've been dwelling on for a while after reading a fellow blogger's post is- Is it a choice? Hell yeah. It is. Shit happens. People walk in, they walk out, they mess your head, they make the best memories, they turn out to be complete pricks, and you regret a whole lot, but then you cherish a muuuch bigger lot.
So by the end of it, you've breathed in everything. Everything that you could. And you still are breathing, soaking in every flaw and creek that comes your way WITH those people/ memories/regrets/love.
That's the best part- you're still breathing :-)

Photos from today at Vanta's. Totally apt for the post, so :-)

Beedles, you're still a prick for not showing up today. But I had to add you to this one : )

So yes, shit happens. And if you can't fix it, spread it on the fields and enjoy the harvest ;)
It'll make you a much happier person!
(Also, shoot me for updating like a crazy frog but this one had to be posted!)
Love,
Nil. 

Words.

This post is dedicated to all those posts of you all which have made me think and realize more and more with every day passing and every blog update that a feeling can be reborn by words and a feeling can be burnt by words.. I have always passioned writing. Today,when I look back in time,I don't think I would have ever had the confidence to pen down my thoughts and scribble them in untidy handwriting and still having the courage to show it to my freinds/teachers and feeling confident about my ideas and innovations.

Poetry was always a bigger corner of my heart.. However,with time,I realized that wiritng stories have their own charm.. To morph myself in the alphabets of those lines and verses is a satisfaction in disguise to somehow know,I'm writing reality.



I'm in an extremely emotional mood right now,and hence maybe I feel so strongly about a casual post my friend Remya wrote. I have always considered her feelings deep and respected her thoughts on paper, but that post- however so causual and honest-lift me off my feet. I couldn't believe how the words captured my mind,and how it took me back the time line and reminded me of every minute expression during that particular conversation. The humor,the sarcasm,the wittiness,the melancholy-everything.I was in awe. People say "awe" is used for beauty, but indeed the beautiful way how she captured that episode of history left me in awe.
Kudos to you,friend.I'm so proud of you. You make me procrastinate on topics which require justice and hours,just the right amount. As a retard friend- Haha, but indeed you make me proud.

I would also like to thank my English Teacher; Mrs.Suman Anand without who I would have never smiled at my horizon and realized the extent and flite of my capacity. I would have never realized the my thoughts could be a ship which could carry so many voices,which could comfort so many hearts,to let them know,they're not alone.

This post is to all your guys, You guys do a wonderfull job on Blogger. With every day passing and every blog update,our spectrum of perceptions and opinions bridens.. Here's to each one of you who've made the tiniest or the biggest of difference in my life by their words.

Today's evening is your's,
Cheers to you.

Take care,
Nilanjana.

Water Conservation Rally =)

Me :P Remya and Kartu:)

All of us ladies.. Remya and I holding upto the true spirits with the famous yelllow poster :P

Charu and vanya going crazy capturing pictures...

Hey you people, have put up the pictures of the "Save Water" Rally. : )
[You can stop reading each word intensly Rohaan].
Well, the experience was all together a memory I'd never forget. Really! Though we guys were pretty dissapointed at the kind of response our very preached and responsible political leader Sheela Dixit gave us.. With a population of 5000-6000 kids and teachers satnding since 8:30am just to honour the start of our rally by her presense. She was an hour and a half late. Yes, that's the example that was set up by our esteemed politicians. It's just plain sad.
Remya, was about to fizz out the lava from her head any moment on anybody who came remotely 5oo yards near her xD
But then, things got pretty okay, we guys were all together with a huge group.. We cheered and cheered! Also gave interviews at local News Channels. and once the rally started, there was no end to our vocal chords :D
"SAVE WATER SAVE LIFE!"
"JAL HAI TO KAL HAI!"
"WE ROCK WATER ROCKS" { By Remya} xP
"TATTI KHALO SAB KE SAB!" [By me] =D
"YAAR SAVE WATER>> DON'T PEE" {By Megha} =P

^^^^ Our most famous slogans xD .. Yep. And our darling teachers were going crazy maniacaly trying to put forward our school into the limelight :P [Sangeeta Batra]
And, the our continous ranting, with Remya and I bullying kids to hold banners up and Charu trying to be calm and all our other girlfriends going all high on Women Spirit \m/
IT WAS AWESOME.

The rally ended at a really good note, a day I'd never forget. Now I'm not gonna write anything more about it, cause I need to fit in pictures :P
More pictures to come later.
Take care you guys!

Hope you fellows enjoyed the snaps :D

Cheers!

Nil. : )

:P

Hello everybody:)

I finally had the time to update my blog. (Stop clapping Mrill) :P Hahaa.

Well, err... the last month has veeb pretty much of a mix-and-match.

A lotttt of things happend.. I mean, yea well, I discovered people who "actually" were my friends- who stood there even when I was filthy busy with all the 24 hours, and identified the one's who are just fake and *pretend to be there and understand*-- where as they didn't understand shit and just pretended too,while being bitter in their hearts about me.

For those of you who understood my rough time - Thankyou:) And I love you.

For those who just turned out to be liars - Get lost and never find yourself again.

Now comes the good part,

I spoke to one of my best friends yesterday. For a Looo-oong time. After a Looo-oong time.

it was nice to finally see she's happy. And that she's not gonna pause his life yet, so as to not pause my blabbering :P

YES- You have weird ears!! Okay?!

Haha. But I'm just glad you're back, and i'm just glad my talkitiveness and CRAZY ideas don't bore you :) And even if they do, you don't say it ;)

You're pretty wise that ways :P

Everything's pretty great with everybody-- very abrupt; I know.

right now i'm just feeling bliss, of knowing and having people who have stood by me no matter what.

I love you all so much, it's not even funny! :P

Adios Amigos ;)